I hate this.
This. This whole thing. This being here to apologize to freakin' Jake over a God damn guilty conscience. And it's not like Carly's on my case to apologize, so I'm doing this of my free will. And it's JakeWhere'd I leave my sanity again? I'm starting to miss it more and more
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He's being too freakin' nice about this, it's disgusting. Cool of him, yeah, but really really disgusting. Why can't he get pissed? I'm pissed. Why can't he get pissed? This is bullshit.
"Yeah. And in the event that she can't, she'll have some help. You don't have anything to worry about, Sam."
The hell I don't.
Although, he looks like he means it. Which, is not only more disgusting, makes me feel twice as guilty. God damn it! What is this? Carly cursing me to feel bad for being a jackass to a guy I'm actually allowed to hate? She had something done, didn't she?
I know it's possible, I've actually seen it done.
This is such bullshit.
"I know." At least, some part of me does. Sure as hell not by much. But... I guess I do. Otherwise, I wouldn't be guilty right now. "I also know you still love her." I sighed, and got the need for a drink. Maybe finding him in a bar was a bad idea...
No. I'm fine. Screw it.
"I mean, I know I'd be tempted. And if she gets drunk again..." I wouldn't be able to tear him apart and get away with it.
"It's not that I don't trust you." Well, if I'm being this honest... "No, actually, that's exactly it. I know it's because I don't know you well enough. I know it's because I never took the time to. And you know what? I'm actually sorry for that."
I looked at him. "So tell me how I know for sure that you're not going to try to take my family away from me?"
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Talk about blunt. This conversation had been awkward to begin with... but that only made it worse. Oh well... nothing that could be done about it now.
"You picked up on that, huh?"
"I mean, I know I'd be tempted. And if she gets drunk again..."
He really thinks I'm going to try and steal Carly away, doesn't he? I can understand why he doesn't like me. I'm Carly's ex-boyfriend, which is enough cause for dislike, but Carly and I are still close friends... I know that only makes it worse. He doesn't like that I'm around all the time. He doesn't like that Carly and I are so close. He just doesn't like me. I get that. I can deal with that.
But does he have to be so dead-set on thinking that I'm some horrible, rotten person who's constantly trying to ruin his life? Because I'm not. Really. I'm not.
"It's not that I don't trust you. No, actually, that's exactly it. I know it's because I don't know you well enough. I know it's because I never took the time to. And you know what? I'm actually sorry for that. So tell me how I know for sure that you're not going to try to take my family away from me?"
And he just keeps talking. It was starting to piss me off. I don't get angry very often... not really, anyway. But this? This was really rubbing me the wrong way.
Where does he get off, telling me he thinks I'm some kind of homewrecker?
"Because," I said simply, though even I could hear the icy tone that had risen in my voice. I was holding back. I wanted to yell at him for being so stupid, for being so presumptuous. But I wasn't going to. I couldn't. Carly wouldn't want that... I don't want that, either. "I respect what you and Carly have and what you two have built together. I'm trying to treat you the same way I'd like to be treated if I were in your situation. Think what you want about me... you can hate me all you want to. But I'm not a homewrecker. I'm just trying to help Carly out, alright? First and foremost, she's my friend. ... that's all."
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He's getting pissed. Finally. Now I feel better about being a jackass to the guy, took long enough. Sure, technically I had to be worse to make it better, but as long as this doesn't leave me and him...
"Okay."
And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll walk away from this with him liking me about as much as I like him. Yeah, I'm not helping much of anything, but at least it'll be a level playing ground.
I stood, and glanced out the window, then back at him. "Thanks for being honest." That's all I wanted, technically. That and for him to get a little bit pissed. I'm petty damn it, leave me alone. "And thanks for putting up with the last two minutes of that conversation."
I think Carly's finally started rubbing off on me. This is creepy to the enth degree. "In advance, yeah, I am aware of how bad that was." Do I care? I'm not really entirely sure.
"I'll see you around."
Hopefully, after the week, with my family still intact and with Carly being none the wiser to what I just did. I can dream, can't I? But I figure after that, I can trust Jake a little more than I usually trust him...
At least, more than I did before. This is a step up from not at all, thanks.
I headed out, getting into my car, and started back for home again. I'm going to feel better about the whole Jake thing over all, so help me.
One of these days.
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Asshole. All he wants to do is instigate. He's not interested in fixing things or making them better. He doesn't want to try and get to know me. He doesn't want to do anything that might actually make sense. No. He wants to instigate. He wants to cause trouble that none of us need. He wants to be a jerk. He wants to hurt people.
If that's really what he wants, he's succeeding.
"In advance, yeah. I am aware of how bad that was. I'll see you around."
"Yeah. Whatever," I muttered, going back to drying the glasses I'd been working on before Sam showed up. Fine. He could leave. I didn't care if he ever came back to my bar again. Obviously he was only interested in wasting my time with his petty insecurities and thinly veiled insults.
Asshole. What does Carly see in him, anyway? He's just going to end up causing more grief for everyone.
He can stay in the Bahamas for all I care. Good riddance.
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