i hate high school
I hate this whole hurry up and wait lifestyle. I hate that the amount of fun I have is determined by who calls me on the weekends. And I hate hate hate that I don't have a best friend anymore. I don't take for granted that I have great friends, but I want one person who can finish my sentences. Someone I can hang out with all day every day and never get sick of them. I don't even care if the relationship doesn't last, I just want someone I can call when I feel like shit, and hear that comforting "Alright, I'm coming over." And I miss having someone to go anywhere with whether it be Denny's, my car, their car, or laying on my living room floor. It sucks so hard to not have a best friend. But what sucks more is that I had best friends, and I don't know what happened. I miss the relationship I had with Britney. But, I guess misery loves company. I want comfort, and understanding, and empathy, and endless amounts of laughter. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm so sick of being lonely. I'm so fucking sick of being sick. And so so so sick of being tired. And I hate that every Friday night, I stay at home and I cry because everyone else is out with their best friend, or boyfriend.
I just wanted someone to go to my concert. That's all I wanted. I wanted someone to sit down for an hour and fifteen fucking minutes and watch me do something I love. Yeah, there'll be other concerts.. but that shit hurts so bad. When you're so excited that FINALLY someone is going to see you shine. I feel so insignificant.
And you know what else I want? I WANT FAMILY. I love my mom and brother so so soooo much, but I want cousins and aunts and uncles. I hate knowing that those are the only two people who will go to my graduation, or my concert, or fucking visit me in the hospital.
I know that by tomorrow I'll be fine, but right now I hate everything. And I know this sounds like teenage angsty bullshit. It's the depression speaking.
I just wanted someone to go to my concert. That's all I wanted. I wanted someone to sit down for an hour and fifteen fucking minutes and watch me do something I love. Yeah, there'll be other concerts.. but that shit hurts so bad. When you're so excited that FINALLY someone is going to see you shine. I feel so insignificant.
And you know what else I want? I WANT FAMILY. I love my mom and brother so so soooo much, but I want cousins and aunts and uncles. I hate knowing that those are the only two people who will go to my graduation, or my concert, or fucking visit me in the hospital.
I know that by tomorrow I'll be fine, but right now I hate everything. And I know this sounds like teenage angsty bullshit. It's the depression speaking.