I'm so Aggrivated !
I really think I need to get away from here for a little while. I wish I could just go back to New York with my Grandma for a couple weeks or go stay with Becca for a couple days! I need to get away... Im gunna completly melt down if I stay here....
I really don't think I can stand staying here anymore. Most of the time I'm alone, My mom is never around, and when she is, I can't stand her. She doesn't pay any attention to anything that I say or do. and she doesnt pay enough attention to understand anything.
She has this new boyfriend, and that's fine. But the other night she came home at 1:30 in the morning with him and he slept here... So I got mad because to me he was just some random guy. It would have been a completly different story if I had actually met him first but I didn't even get that chance, all of a sudden he was just sleeping at my house. So When I said something to my mom about it, and how it made me uncomfortable she didn't seem to care at all. All she kept saying was that it wasn't fair that she couldn't have a life, which isn't even what I said. I don't see why it's so hard for her to understand that it makes me uncomfortable... I can't control that. And every single time I try to talk to her about it, she says things like, Well Joe use to sleep over all the time and this and that, and she still doesn't get that Joe wasn't just some stranger to her. She knew him. I had never seen this guy in my life and next thing I knew he was sleeping at my house... I have every right to feel uncomfortable about it... but just like every thing else she doesn't understand. So tonight when my probation officer came, She asked him what he thought. and I told him that it made me uncomfortable. and he said that it was understandable and suggested that I get to know him, which I have no problem with that. He also suggested that this guy doesn't sleep over again until I get to know him and am comfortable with it, and my mom turned it into me trying to control the situation. It really has nothing to do with control, IM UNCOMFORTABLE. there's nothing I can do about it. So Now I have to go to Mediation with my mom about it, which isn't going to do anything.... I finally finish one set of counciling... and have to do something else. I really dont understand why it's so hard for her to understand. If you kid tells you that something makes them uncomfortable, why would you do it anyway.
I dont have a job anymore, because sometime during one of these arguments my mom pushed me to a point where I couldn't stand it anymore... I started crying and her response was "people are watching you". She know's how to push me over the edge and it seems like she is constantly doing it. Im so sick of being threatened with things. My probation officer, My cell phone, She's even started threatening me with my bank account which is totally unfair.
I want to run away... I really dont even want to be here anymore...like I already said, I never see my mom, and when I do I cant stand her.... She always has something to bitch and complain about. She acts totally different when my brother and sister are around... and I spend more of my time sitting in my room then anything. but no matter what I say to her she doesnt understand... What the hell is so hard about it....