you disappoint me
well i guess i kind of had some weird break thru this past week.
1.) i cried for the first time since the last day of summer. i was so fucking pissed off because i was getting straight E's in chem no matter what i did and my mom almost took away my license. and it was really weird cuz like i hate crying so much that it was like i was holding in a sneeze and it just was this really akward sobbing that i've never felt before. like when i was mad a few months ago and tried to force myself to cry to get the anger out. but i didn't shed a tear. so i guess it took a real kick in the ass and self defeat to finally let it out.
2.) i finally told dan about what REALLY happened between me and josh. its been something i think about alot and i realize that alot of stress is coming with that. i've just been dying to really tell it like it is to somebody that owns a pair of fucking ears. he gave me the best hug ever and i seriously felt so much better after letting it out. it was just really re-assuring to have him say "wow, that must've been really scary". i don't know i guess it just made me feel brave or something idk. but yeah i just really want to tell my mom but i think thats going to take a really long time.
3.) i realized that i am prolly the funniest person i know. for real.
4.) i'm with the best friends i will ever have at this point in my life.
5.) dan convinced me to finally confront paige about the mike/josh thing...TOMORROW. i'm kidn of nervous but like i think it'll be good to get out of my system.
6.) i need to stop trying to be everyone else. people like me so much more now that i'm just being merritt.
7.) i feel really weird because i was so like out there over the summer, like my feet never touched the ground, and i couldn't let go of that feeling and now i'm grounded. basically january has been grounded/studying for finals. if i study 6 hours saturday/sunday this weekend i'm allowed to go out at night. i know its for the best i just wish the madre would stfu and stop saying things like "well youve got alot of work to do" and "we'll see you're not going to know what hit you when you're done studying". does she really think comments like that are going to make me work well? no i'm going to fucking shoot myself in the face.
ah man and SO many surprise parties coming up!
1.) i cried for the first time since the last day of summer. i was so fucking pissed off because i was getting straight E's in chem no matter what i did and my mom almost took away my license. and it was really weird cuz like i hate crying so much that it was like i was holding in a sneeze and it just was this really akward sobbing that i've never felt before. like when i was mad a few months ago and tried to force myself to cry to get the anger out. but i didn't shed a tear. so i guess it took a real kick in the ass and self defeat to finally let it out.
2.) i finally told dan about what REALLY happened between me and josh. its been something i think about alot and i realize that alot of stress is coming with that. i've just been dying to really tell it like it is to somebody that owns a pair of fucking ears. he gave me the best hug ever and i seriously felt so much better after letting it out. it was just really re-assuring to have him say "wow, that must've been really scary". i don't know i guess it just made me feel brave or something idk. but yeah i just really want to tell my mom but i think thats going to take a really long time.
3.) i realized that i am prolly the funniest person i know. for real.
4.) i'm with the best friends i will ever have at this point in my life.
5.) dan convinced me to finally confront paige about the mike/josh thing...TOMORROW. i'm kidn of nervous but like i think it'll be good to get out of my system.
6.) i need to stop trying to be everyone else. people like me so much more now that i'm just being merritt.
7.) i feel really weird because i was so like out there over the summer, like my feet never touched the ground, and i couldn't let go of that feeling and now i'm grounded. basically january has been grounded/studying for finals. if i study 6 hours saturday/sunday this weekend i'm allowed to go out at night. i know its for the best i just wish the madre would stfu and stop saying things like "well youve got alot of work to do" and "we'll see you're not going to know what hit you when you're done studying". does she really think comments like that are going to make me work well? no i'm going to fucking shoot myself in the face.
ah man and SO many surprise parties coming up!