i'm breaking.....

[_xonikkiox_]

the more i sit here alone and think the worse off i get. i keep listening to this song over and over wondering where i went wrong. wondering why the man i love with everything in me doesn't seem to love me back anymore. i just keep wondering what i did wrong. and i know your all going to say i didn't do anything wrong. well apperantly i did.

Comments

[doinitwitrythem]

Nikki dont you DARE let yourself even take a little PORTION of the blame here okay?Ike has always had a way of making people feel sorry for him, he's always munipulated people to help take part of the blame when they really shouldn't.He's always got off easy because people would always feel bad because he was so hard on himself that they'd share part of the blame and then after...he didnt regret it as much as he should, because he knew the person wouldnt be so hard on him and blame him so much because they feel guilty themself.You know?So dont you do it Nikki.Seriously,in this relationship...i've stood back and watched it...time and time again Nikki and you were the kind of girlfriend every man wanted for himself and Ike had it but he didnt cherish and value it.Nikki, those little boys are just an excuse for ike to hide behind okay?Because if you remember..way back..you'll remember that his ass was drinking and not coming home and shit like that..before them too.Nikki..he's just never been right,alright?He dont know how to handle something good, something more precious in life then anything else.And I guarentee he's going to miss it..it will be too late then though.He will make you feel sorry and try to get you back again, especially since your at Tay's house and he will say hurtful words..but its nothing Tay dont expect or nothing that he wouldnt fight for ..for you, and ill be right there..backing you and him up.Okay?Dont even worry about it Nikki.You'll love again beautiful...life does go on.I divorced the woman who had my children,my very first wife.You dont think that hurt?It did...so much, and tay understands that..because he went through it too.The thing is...the world continues to spin...and life continues to work to heal your wounds and before long...those wounds are healed and you find yourself feeling like you've just felt love for the first time.Hang in there, you will find it.

He's my stone and rock too.Trust me.And its funny that he dont understand how he could be anyones rock..but he's a hero..in many eyes.LMAO...im not trying to do anything....geez..im deeply offended with yours and tays strong acusations.Lmao.Well...kind of strong..I mean..im not aposed to the idea of you and him getting together...but im not pushing it either.Lol.Sorry if it seems like that.

Want my opinion?..I think Tay already has something there in his heart for you that isnt a feeling you get with just anyone, and how you two work together?FUCK Ike...lol..not literally..but yeah,Nikki, that's what is going to make it even harder to leave him in the end...because your worried about hurting ike.Its apparent he dont worry about you.Im sorry..im sure that hurts..but I mean..come on now.Who cares about Ike.What about whats best for you?What about whats best for those boys?What about whats best for Tay(their father and your best friend)?The rift cant get any bigger with tay and ike then it already is,there is nothing there between them anyways.

You remember that.You remember tays place in your heart and you think about things..think about who's been there for you lately and who hasnt.

[_xonikkiox_]

Zac theres no way your going to change my mind on this. i blame myself. i should have not gotten back with him last time. if i would have stood my ground i wouldn't be in this mess right now. he hasn't munipulated me into taking part of the blame. i blame myself. he's not getting off easy here because i know its going to hurt him when he finds i'm gone. i'm already doing it. its done and over with. I know i've looked back over my relationship too i know i was there for him and did everything a good girlfriend is suppose to do. but not anymore. i'm sick of this. it's time i left and not look back because it's never going to work with us. They might be just an excuse. he knows it'll work on me. because when he does that i feel so fucking bad. he might never have been alright but i still fell head over heels for him. i know he's going to miss it. god. but i dont want tay to have to deal with him. because i know hes going to cause shit. and i dont wanna have tay dealing with it. he's going to make me feel sorry because he knows all the right buttons to push with me. i dont want him to make a big deal out of it but i know he's going to make a huge scene. i know he'd fight for me but i don't want him to have to fight with his brother. i dont know if love will come. i know it hurt when you lost kate. i dont know. the next person who tries to get my heart is going to have a hell of a time because well... my heart is up behind a wall... and its not coming down anytime soon. it's going to take a while for my wounds to heal maybe if i lick em they will heal faster. i'll hang in here but i dont know that i'll ever find love again. i might not even look for it anymore. it's not worth the pain it causes. *tear slides down cheek*

I know i hate how he puts himself down. specially now. hes much more than a hero in my eyes. you are not offended and dont try to act surprised that we are acusing you of something. your not as sneaky as you like to think mr.hanson. your pushing... just in a very subtle way.

Why do you think that? Whether Ike worries about me or not i worry about him and his feelings. I care about ike. I know i need to do whats best for my boys. i know this. and iam. i'm leaving him for them more than me. because if it was just be i'd probably stay. he is my best friend. i just feel like i've known him forever...we click ya no? i've always had a different relationship with tay than i had with anyone else. he's different. It can get bigger. believe me. if they actually fight its going to tear them apart for good and i dont want that on my head. i mean...me moving in with tay is one thing but me ending up with tay is a whole different thing. *sigh* i dont know. i'm just worried on all accounts. almost all of my stuff is together. ike hasn't been home in a couple days. i think either tomorrow or the day after i'm leaving. the longer i stay here the more i lost the courage to leave. so i need to go.

i'll always remember tays place in my heart. when i think about him i smile. just his name can make me smile. thats second thing that can make me smile now. my boys and anything to do with tay. me and tay have a special kind of friendship.