I know its hard. it is hard and its having a big effect on this family. tay doesnt think anyone cares as much as he does about her and her health. dont be mad at him. he's not him self right now and he's really worried and stressed out im sure he doesnt mean anything he says. i know you care and he does too. it effects everyones life. just not as much as it effects his. Zac you might have that bond again and you might not. people change bonds break and sometimes they get back together but right now its not going to happen with him worried and stressed like he is now. im sorry you dont have that bond anymore. i dont have the bond with him i use to have either. :o( that makes me sad. really sad. i know you love her. just do what you can thats all anyone can ask of you.
dont be sorry about it. me worrying is how iam. i'm a caring person. so i always care about other people and stuff. i dunno. but yeah. i'm sure its not the same as last time. i havent passed out yet so thats good. but my head hurts all the time now. i dont know whats wrong. dont be worried it'll be okay. Zac your not going to lose your baby and tay isn't going to lose Juliet. NO ONE IS LOSING ANYONE DAMN IT!
Yeah, I mean..it really sucks that he dont think anyone cares about her and her health as much as him.Of course none of us care AS much as her own father, but still..its a close 2nd, a REALLY close 2nd.And I wish he would take that into consideration Nikki.It tears me up.I dont know how to get it through to him how much I care about that little baby girl.Damn it!I mean...my bone marrow is a match.They are going to perform the bone marrow transfusion day after tomorrow.At this point, im doing everything I can.Im giving her my bone marrow.You know?I love that little girl.Im not mad at him,im mad at myself and where I could have seriously went wrong.How I could have made us drift apart.I wish it had never happened.I'm doing everything I can.I swear it to you.I swear it to you and him.
of course im sorry.You know?I worry.You dont need to be passing out or ending up in the hospital like you did that one time.I mean, you have 2 little boys that need you very much right now, and 2 confused and hurting..well 3, brothers that really need you!We all need you Nikki.So please dont over do urself.K?Id be a lot happier if you could find some time to get urself checked out though.Please.
I know. he's just feeling hopeless ya no? i know you wish that but right now hes not thinking clearly remember this. i know it tears you up. it does me too. i miss my taylor. i miss him so much. he's just gotta so bad now and i hope she gets better because maybe with her health will come the taylor we all know and love and miss. we cant get through to him right now. its hopeless to try. i know. i've tried many times. and he just wont even talk to me. i dont know what to do. it makes me want to cry thinking he doesnt wanna talk to me because me and him use to talk about everything and now he wont even talk to me. its just terrible. well its good your a match. and im glad shes getting it. hopefully now she'll get better. i know you love her. Zac you didnt do anything. you didn't do it. something these things happen it doesnt mean its going to be like this for ever. i know your doing everything you can. and thats all you can do.
dont be sorry. i mean i worry. thats my problem. i dont have to worry as much as i do but i just worry about everyone i dont know why. i guess its my mothering nature. i'm not passing out. i know i dont need to end up in the hospital. i know i have 2 little boys i cant help im getting them again. and i cant take the meds i have for em because they make me sleeping and when im on them im out. so i cant take them unless ike is here to watch the boys while isleep. Well i can help you but ike and tay wont talk to me about anything. so how can i help? ya no? im not over doing myself. well i dont think iam other people might think iam but i dont. well i'll get myself checked soon. i promise. i just want to make sure their back before i go to the doctor.
Yeah.I dont blame him for feeling hopeless.I'd probably be depressed and wollowing in my own self pitty im pretty sure.I know how this all goes.I mean, I mean..i've lost more kids then I gained.Its tough.It really is.But I mean, that's what I want him to know.Nobody understands this proccess as much as him as I do.You know?That's why we need to stick together.Especially right now.I love that boy.So fucking much.He's my flesh and blood and my best friend for as long as I could remember.Im sorry how badly this is effecting you.Im so sorry.Really.And I know you got to feel helpless because well..I use to be the one everyone could count on to get through to him.Thats the key word though.USE to.It hurts so bad.It really does.I dont know who to feel more sorry for out of us all.I think we all have our own reasons.I just...I got to save her life.Damn it, ill never forgive myself and neither will taylor if god forbid, she..she dont make it through this.But that isnt going to happen, right?I mean, it cant and wont.
This is just horrible.You cant take your meds?I mean.Shit.That makes me worry all the more.I dont know.Ike needs to stick around a lot more.Definitely.Fuck!Wow all this stuff is getting to me.Thank you so much for getting yourself checked out.
well thats how he is now Zac can't you see that? hes so far gone he's not there anymore. i mean when you look into his eyes you dont see the light that once shined there. you see nothing now. its sad. and i really hope she gets better after this not only for her sake but for Tays as well because ireally dont think he'll last if she dies. not even for the twins sake. he'll be gone and that REALLY worries me. yeah you've lost more kids than you've gained but then tay has lost childern too. so yeah. but i dont know. i hope she gets better i really do. i hope after this she gets better because i want to see her grow up and see how beautiful shes going to be because shes already beautiful now. i cant wait till she grows up. god.she has to live she does and she will because i know it. i know you love him and i do too but right now he doesnt want or need us. he just needs to be with her. dont worry how much this is bothering me atleast im not still pregnant ya no because then it'd be really bad. but im not and im fine. i do feel hopeless. i feel like i let him down in some way. like iwasn't there enough or something. i feel like its my fault he's drifted away like this. i dont know. but i miss Taylor. hes so... i dunno. hes my friend and i miss him. i miss seeing him smile. i miss that smile light up his face. god. and his laughter. when he laughed i just couldn't help myself from joining him because hes like that. god. i dont know. shes gunna make it through this. i make it sound like Taylor is dead. god. *sigh*
no i cant take my meds. it sucks but i live with it. i have to because i cant sleep all the time because i got twins who likes to fuck with mommy. so if ones sleeping the other one refuses to do it. so i cant take a nap with them so yeah. dont let it worry you. i have a doctors app. tomorrow so imma see what they say they'll probably tell me theres nothing they can do for me or something which is total bullshit but whatever. dude. im just scared. what if they do find something wrong with me? i mean shit. wouldn't that just be our luck? all this has already gotten to me. so yeah. ye-haw for the doctors tomorrow this should be fun. Ike doesnt need to stick around i can take care of the twins myself. and dont get me started on him. right now im not to happy with him but then again. whatever. imma stop complaining.
dont be sorry about it. me worrying is how iam. i'm a caring person. so i always care about other people and stuff. i dunno. but yeah. i'm sure its not the same as last time. i havent passed out yet so thats good. but my head hurts all the time now. i dont know whats wrong. dont be worried it'll be okay. Zac your not going to lose your baby and tay isn't going to lose Juliet. NO ONE IS LOSING ANYONE DAMN IT!
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of course im sorry.You know?I worry.You dont need to be passing out or ending up in the hospital like you did that one time.I mean, you have 2 little boys that need you very much right now, and 2 confused and hurting..well 3, brothers that really need you!We all need you Nikki.So please dont over do urself.K?Id be a lot happier if you could find some time to get urself checked out though.Please.
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dont be sorry. i mean i worry. thats my problem. i dont have to worry as much as i do but i just worry about everyone i dont know why. i guess its my mothering nature. i'm not passing out. i know i dont need to end up in the hospital. i know i have 2 little boys i cant help im getting them again. and i cant take the meds i have for em because they make me sleeping and when im on them im out. so i cant take them unless ike is here to watch the boys while isleep. Well i can help you but ike and tay wont talk to me about anything. so how can i help? ya no? im not over doing myself. well i dont think iam other people might think iam but i dont. well i'll get myself checked soon. i promise. i just want to make sure their back before i go to the doctor.
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This is just horrible.You cant take your meds?I mean.Shit.That makes me worry all the more.I dont know.Ike needs to stick around a lot more.Definitely.Fuck!Wow all this stuff is getting to me.Thank you so much for getting yourself checked out.
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no i cant take my meds. it sucks but i live with it. i have to because i cant sleep all the time because i got twins who likes to fuck with mommy. so if ones sleeping the other one refuses to do it. so i cant take a nap with them so yeah. dont let it worry you. i have a doctors app. tomorrow so imma see what they say they'll probably tell me theres nothing they can do for me or something which is total bullshit but whatever. dude. im just scared. what if they do find something wrong with me? i mean shit. wouldn't that just be our luck? all this has already gotten to me. so yeah. ye-haw for the doctors tomorrow this should be fun. Ike doesnt need to stick around i can take care of the twins myself. and dont get me started on him. right now im not to happy with him but then again. whatever. imma stop complaining.
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