My life...the end?
Today I've finally snapped. I've let go. I cannot care about anything anymore. The directions and decisions I have chosen in my life have brought me here. The computer, and the television, they are all distractions. Friends, and family, also distractions, but they serve a purpose unlike other things. So much of my time is spent talking to people, and trying to reach people. By reach I don't mean contact, I mean reach as in knowing and affecting. I feel as though this is very one sided though. I have never felt as if I was sought after. I am always the one who is calling people up. I am always the one going out to see people. I am always the one who is putting in so much time and effort. None of it ever comes back though. Whatever I put in just disappears. Well now I think I have really stopped caring about this situation altogether. If you want me for any reason, then you'll have to come and get me. My life is now about me. I am a failure as of lately. I cannot do anything right and I am constantly making mistakes, and I am a fool for taking such a long time to realize this. Why do I have to care if I am missing out on anything? Why do I have to care if people are doing things without me? Why do I care if anyone will talk to me or see me? I don't care anymore. I will start living my life for myself. If you want to be a part of it, then I need some effort. If you want me to care about you, then care about me. All of this seeking bullshit has kept me down for too long. I don't know much of who I am or what I like anymore. I can feel that I have a strong potential, I am going to start looking for it now that I am getting rid of distractions. If I don't find anything, then I don't see any reason to continue living.