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The last two days have been awesome, but... heartbreaking.
Friday was graduation. I felt really good about it- the sound system was awesome, I was hanging out with Alishia, and it wasn't NEARLY as hot as we had all anticipated it being. Kanesha and I rocked our solos on Wade- I think that was the best we've ever done. I don't think I've ever sang in front of that many people in my entire life, and Alishia was like, "Jess- if you think THIS crowd is big, just wait til Carnegie."
And she's so right. I love her- she's my wings. No kidding. <3.
Anyway. I cried a bit- I mean, c'mon... David was graduating. I was alright really, until I saw him walk. That kind of kicked me in the face... It was like- that's mah baby. Y'know? But it was just a reality check for me, that he really WAS (Is?) leaving for the summer on Sunday. Then of course, I've got a handful of other friends in the senior class...
Anyway... After graduation, I hung around with everyone, David introduced me to a bunch of his family... Who were so awesome. SO awesome. :) I get really shy around people I don't know very well, but they were so nice.
Then Mikey and Emily and Lindsey and I all went out to Applebees... Kind of a mistake- there were a LOOOT of people there. But we got a table, and a bunch of appetizers. Mm. Appetizers. <3.
David showed up a little while later. Afterwards, he took me home and I stayed up writing him this crazy long letter about everything going on in my head... then I fell asleep.
UNTIL.
Almost 11 the next day.
Called Kevin, my galapagos turtle, cuz I needed to run by his house before going to David's open house. He didn't pick up, so I took a shower and did my hair and shtuff, then called him back... He picked up, and I walked over to his house and we talked for a sec, then left again.
It was really warm out yesterday.
The worst part was that it wasn't even the kind of warm that felt good.
It was the kind of warm that left you all sticky and soggy feeling. Grossss.
So... yeah. Cleaned my room a little bit, then David came over and picked me up, and we stopped by Lauren's house for her open-house... Talked to Josh Yancer for a bit, which was awkward, but rad. We hadn't talked in forever. He's a good friend, we go way back. <3.
Then we headed back over to David's... His cousins had made shirts with some pictures of him on them from when he was younger... They were adorable. Haha. I just kinda hung out with him and his family until people started to show up, and yeah.
The people from his choych were so nice. Hm. :)
Joshie and Mikey showed up a few hours later, so I got to hang out with them which was fun... And Stuart showed up too! Yay. He's fun. Too bad he's going back to London in July. Aw.
After the open-house David and his mom and uncle and I dropped off the chairs and tables and stuff back at their choych, then David and I met up with Lindsay and Joshie and Mikey at Best Buy. Good times... Watching David play Guitar Hero, playing the very, very untuned Fender that was missing a string, talking to Evan... Best Buy is fun. Mhm. We were there for quite a while... Not sure exactly how long, but I think we left his house at around 8ish, and we didn't get back to his house til around 10ish... But remember that we had to stop at the choych before hand. So yeah.
Anyway.
Then David said goodbye to Linds and Mikey and Josh... And Charis showed up out there so he said goodbye to her too... I was doing alright emotion-wise until Charis asked me how I was holding up, haha... I shed a few tears right there. It's just... I don't know.
Anyway... Went back to David's house, hung out with his family some more, and he opened up his presents and stuff. I had to be home at 11 though, so we left his house at about 10:45... and sped the whole way home. Talked here and there, but there was the kind of, "So this is goodbye..." silence lingering in the air between us.
That hurt so bad.
He actually got me home a minute before curfew... He came in and we sat in my kitchen, he read the letter I wrote him... Smiled and laughed at a few things... And anyway... It was really emotional. Like... someone turned on every spigot in my head and I couldn't stop crying. Because if I only had one word to explain him, it'd be AMAZING. On SO many different levels- amazing... Sigh. It's just rough, knowing that he's gonna be gone until August, y'know? I mean... 3 months feels like forever. And it sucks. But... whatever. I'll pull through. We'll pull through. Because that's how we do.
The best part though, was when he asked me if I trusted him... I looked at him and nodded. And he says, "Then I need you to turn around." So I turned my back on him and was thinking, "What the hell...?"
And he goes, "I need you to fall."
And I do believe that my eyes got big and my heart stopped and I couldn't help but smile, but... I fell.
I know that 90f you don't get it, but... Hang on a sec.
LiveJournal Entry From:[23 Apr 2005|02:42pm]
To Do List.
-Clean Room
-Pack clothes
-Brush teeth
-Call dad and have him pick me and Dei up
-Rehearse lines for the play
-Learn to trust David.
[24 Apr 2005|07:17pm]
...David and I got pretty close.. Hah. Y'know. But we've got most of our choreography down, I just need to work on trusting him. I keep worrying that when I dip and fall back he's not going to be there to catch me. I maen he has yet to fail to catch me, but I'm still building up that whole trust factor with him. Hopefully it won't take too long...
So that's that. And now... More than a year later, I trust him.
It was one of those crazy happy moments for the both of us... I liked it a lot. :)
So yeah. There was a lot of crying on my part, a lot of comforting words, knowing that he's going to be coming home... and then he left. At midnightish.
And I ran outside and kissed him for the last time.
And came back inside and my step-dad was standing there... but comforted me. And that was good, too.
So now I'm here.
I didn't feel much like going to choych today, so I'm not, but that's okay. I talked to God a lot these past few days, and there's still a lot more coming.
If you read this whole thing... thanks. That means a lot to me.
<3.
Friday was graduation. I felt really good about it- the sound system was awesome, I was hanging out with Alishia, and it wasn't NEARLY as hot as we had all anticipated it being. Kanesha and I rocked our solos on Wade- I think that was the best we've ever done. I don't think I've ever sang in front of that many people in my entire life, and Alishia was like, "Jess- if you think THIS crowd is big, just wait til Carnegie."
And she's so right. I love her- she's my wings. No kidding. <3.
Anyway. I cried a bit- I mean, c'mon... David was graduating. I was alright really, until I saw him walk. That kind of kicked me in the face... It was like- that's mah baby. Y'know? But it was just a reality check for me, that he really WAS (Is?) leaving for the summer on Sunday. Then of course, I've got a handful of other friends in the senior class...
Anyway... After graduation, I hung around with everyone, David introduced me to a bunch of his family... Who were so awesome. SO awesome. :) I get really shy around people I don't know very well, but they were so nice.
Then Mikey and Emily and Lindsey and I all went out to Applebees... Kind of a mistake- there were a LOOOT of people there. But we got a table, and a bunch of appetizers. Mm. Appetizers. <3.
David showed up a little while later. Afterwards, he took me home and I stayed up writing him this crazy long letter about everything going on in my head... then I fell asleep.
UNTIL.
Almost 11 the next day.
Called Kevin, my galapagos turtle, cuz I needed to run by his house before going to David's open house. He didn't pick up, so I took a shower and did my hair and shtuff, then called him back... He picked up, and I walked over to his house and we talked for a sec, then left again.
It was really warm out yesterday.
The worst part was that it wasn't even the kind of warm that felt good.
It was the kind of warm that left you all sticky and soggy feeling. Grossss.
So... yeah. Cleaned my room a little bit, then David came over and picked me up, and we stopped by Lauren's house for her open-house... Talked to Josh Yancer for a bit, which was awkward, but rad. We hadn't talked in forever. He's a good friend, we go way back. <3.
Then we headed back over to David's... His cousins had made shirts with some pictures of him on them from when he was younger... They were adorable. Haha. I just kinda hung out with him and his family until people started to show up, and yeah.
The people from his choych were so nice. Hm. :)
Joshie and Mikey showed up a few hours later, so I got to hang out with them which was fun... And Stuart showed up too! Yay. He's fun. Too bad he's going back to London in July. Aw.
After the open-house David and his mom and uncle and I dropped off the chairs and tables and stuff back at their choych, then David and I met up with Lindsay and Joshie and Mikey at Best Buy. Good times... Watching David play Guitar Hero, playing the very, very untuned Fender that was missing a string, talking to Evan... Best Buy is fun. Mhm. We were there for quite a while... Not sure exactly how long, but I think we left his house at around 8ish, and we didn't get back to his house til around 10ish... But remember that we had to stop at the choych before hand. So yeah.
Anyway.
Then David said goodbye to Linds and Mikey and Josh... And Charis showed up out there so he said goodbye to her too... I was doing alright emotion-wise until Charis asked me how I was holding up, haha... I shed a few tears right there. It's just... I don't know.
Anyway... Went back to David's house, hung out with his family some more, and he opened up his presents and stuff. I had to be home at 11 though, so we left his house at about 10:45... and sped the whole way home. Talked here and there, but there was the kind of, "So this is goodbye..." silence lingering in the air between us.
That hurt so bad.
He actually got me home a minute before curfew... He came in and we sat in my kitchen, he read the letter I wrote him... Smiled and laughed at a few things... And anyway... It was really emotional. Like... someone turned on every spigot in my head and I couldn't stop crying. Because if I only had one word to explain him, it'd be AMAZING. On SO many different levels- amazing... Sigh. It's just rough, knowing that he's gonna be gone until August, y'know? I mean... 3 months feels like forever. And it sucks. But... whatever. I'll pull through. We'll pull through. Because that's how we do.
The best part though, was when he asked me if I trusted him... I looked at him and nodded. And he says, "Then I need you to turn around." So I turned my back on him and was thinking, "What the hell...?"
And he goes, "I need you to fall."
And I do believe that my eyes got big and my heart stopped and I couldn't help but smile, but... I fell.
I know that 90f you don't get it, but... Hang on a sec.
LiveJournal Entry From:[23 Apr 2005|02:42pm]
To Do List.
-Clean Room
-Pack clothes
-Brush teeth
-Call dad and have him pick me and Dei up
-Rehearse lines for the play
-Learn to trust David.
[24 Apr 2005|07:17pm]
...David and I got pretty close.. Hah. Y'know. But we've got most of our choreography down, I just need to work on trusting him. I keep worrying that when I dip and fall back he's not going to be there to catch me. I maen he has yet to fail to catch me, but I'm still building up that whole trust factor with him. Hopefully it won't take too long...
So that's that. And now... More than a year later, I trust him.
It was one of those crazy happy moments for the both of us... I liked it a lot. :)
So yeah. There was a lot of crying on my part, a lot of comforting words, knowing that he's going to be coming home... and then he left. At midnightish.
And I ran outside and kissed him for the last time.
And came back inside and my step-dad was standing there... but comforted me. And that was good, too.
So now I'm here.
I didn't feel much like going to choych today, so I'm not, but that's okay. I talked to God a lot these past few days, and there's still a lot more coming.
If you read this whole thing... thanks. That means a lot to me.
<3.