Well....
Well. since i last said something alot has happened i guess... so here is the story of my life so far..
Things have been pretty good so far, until i made another fucking big ass mistake of my life. i went to the grad, had some fun battle some black bitches lol.. they were cool but yeah.. anyways, chris shows up, we talk.. and we dance and blah. so im going home and talking in the car, singing shitty ass songs so connor will turn off the black people music, and celelia says something about the whole me dancing with chris... slow dance it was.. and she just said it was so cute and it reminded her of when we were happy, which wasnt long at all.. sorta made me think, do i think its cute too? do i want that back? i quickly smothered myself in all the bad times so i wouldnt think about actually having feelings for him again. so me and connor drop off celilia and i have my phone in my hand and i just had this STRONG feeling he was going to call me, sure enough he did. he was at joshs and wanted to hang out.. we hung out and blah blah "got together" then cory calls at like 3 and chris .. he probably wasnt.. but seemed a little ticked off. so he made his little comments in the backround about me talking to cory, ah it wasnt a big deal. but when i get off. we are cuddling and still and he asks how long i was talking to cory, and i was like i dunno, he was all it was long and i fell asleep. and i said oh and went back to bed, but before i did i was just thinking, why would he ask that? why would he even care? does he still have feelings for me or what? so i wake up at fucking 7 am and freak out about getting home, i sneek back in and before i get out of the car he said to call him to see if i got caught or not. i didnt get caught so i call and he doesnt pick up, he calls me back and was like did you get caught? and i said no, and he was like ok talk to you later and hung up. i knew something was weird and different about that. i had the feeling like i do when i know someone just used me. i asked him if what happened between us even meant anything and did he even have any feelings for me.. he sure enough said no. my heart dropped... i started to get that feeling like i did when we first broke up. of course i still have feelings for him, they arent strong at all.. i mean i can never see or talk to him again in my life and be okay with it. but he was my first love. and get this, just like a week before he was telling me how lonely he was and how he hasnt really hooked up with anyone in a long time. Funny how this all works. things seem to fall together now, i feel horrible, and just ugh. i dont know. he would never fucking post shit about this or anything becasue maybe girls will see who he really is and how he uses people the way he does, maybe it was just me, but shit. it makes me mad how he treats his OTHER x gurlfriends like human beings and me like total dog shit or a fucking whore. when i do something with someone i have to feel something for them, and i did. i didnt just do it becasue i havent gotten ass in a while. i dont know how you can do that to people. your really a great person when you want to be. but i mean the way you treat me it brings me down, and you dont even care.
On the other hand. things with cory are ... ehhh... ok... he is so fun to be with when he isnt trying to be all over me...i dont know, he makes me feel like im so second choice, or third. i dont know. i want to be friends, but i like kissing him. arg, thats gay.
i dyed my hair black tonight, and i spent thanksgiving with katie again. it doesnt seem the same tho. brian and mike were being kinda mean. i have to work tomorrow, and i need flat shoes. my feet fucking KILL me when im wearing heels. oh well im gonna get PPPAAAIIIDDD!!! i want the new green day cd. and i should get my clothes from delias tomorrow, sweet. ummmm...yeah
my thought for the end of this, is how pathedic are u if you live off the internet. i try more and more to gett off this fucking thing. and seems like its working. only every once in a while i get on it.
alright im done.
Things have been pretty good so far, until i made another fucking big ass mistake of my life. i went to the grad, had some fun battle some black bitches lol.. they were cool but yeah.. anyways, chris shows up, we talk.. and we dance and blah. so im going home and talking in the car, singing shitty ass songs so connor will turn off the black people music, and celelia says something about the whole me dancing with chris... slow dance it was.. and she just said it was so cute and it reminded her of when we were happy, which wasnt long at all.. sorta made me think, do i think its cute too? do i want that back? i quickly smothered myself in all the bad times so i wouldnt think about actually having feelings for him again. so me and connor drop off celilia and i have my phone in my hand and i just had this STRONG feeling he was going to call me, sure enough he did. he was at joshs and wanted to hang out.. we hung out and blah blah "got together" then cory calls at like 3 and chris .. he probably wasnt.. but seemed a little ticked off. so he made his little comments in the backround about me talking to cory, ah it wasnt a big deal. but when i get off. we are cuddling and still and he asks how long i was talking to cory, and i was like i dunno, he was all it was long and i fell asleep. and i said oh and went back to bed, but before i did i was just thinking, why would he ask that? why would he even care? does he still have feelings for me or what? so i wake up at fucking 7 am and freak out about getting home, i sneek back in and before i get out of the car he said to call him to see if i got caught or not. i didnt get caught so i call and he doesnt pick up, he calls me back and was like did you get caught? and i said no, and he was like ok talk to you later and hung up. i knew something was weird and different about that. i had the feeling like i do when i know someone just used me. i asked him if what happened between us even meant anything and did he even have any feelings for me.. he sure enough said no. my heart dropped... i started to get that feeling like i did when we first broke up. of course i still have feelings for him, they arent strong at all.. i mean i can never see or talk to him again in my life and be okay with it. but he was my first love. and get this, just like a week before he was telling me how lonely he was and how he hasnt really hooked up with anyone in a long time. Funny how this all works. things seem to fall together now, i feel horrible, and just ugh. i dont know. he would never fucking post shit about this or anything becasue maybe girls will see who he really is and how he uses people the way he does, maybe it was just me, but shit. it makes me mad how he treats his OTHER x gurlfriends like human beings and me like total dog shit or a fucking whore. when i do something with someone i have to feel something for them, and i did. i didnt just do it becasue i havent gotten ass in a while. i dont know how you can do that to people. your really a great person when you want to be. but i mean the way you treat me it brings me down, and you dont even care.
On the other hand. things with cory are ... ehhh... ok... he is so fun to be with when he isnt trying to be all over me...i dont know, he makes me feel like im so second choice, or third. i dont know. i want to be friends, but i like kissing him. arg, thats gay.
i dyed my hair black tonight, and i spent thanksgiving with katie again. it doesnt seem the same tho. brian and mike were being kinda mean. i have to work tomorrow, and i need flat shoes. my feet fucking KILL me when im wearing heels. oh well im gonna get PPPAAAIIIDDD!!! i want the new green day cd. and i should get my clothes from delias tomorrow, sweet. ummmm...yeah
my thought for the end of this, is how pathedic are u if you live off the internet. i try more and more to gett off this fucking thing. and seems like its working. only every once in a while i get on it.
alright im done.