(no subject)
"Ok.. last try here..oblique2
Sep. 5th, 2008 | 04:51 pm
I keep writing stuff that I make private because really, oy. Lots of entangled crap.
Well that was months ago. I won't be seeing or hearing from them again I don't think. And I'm just going to be direct and say some stuff. And so be it, and if it's found it's found. And if not, that's ok, because this will be like one of those wish things that you blow on, and it sends the wish away, and hopefully it lands where it needs to land.
To my scared friend,
Yes, you read that right. Because that's what you are and have been for a long, long time. And now maybe it's not so bad and things are working out and steady, but you have always been meant for more than the plodding life you set out for yourself the past few years. Sure it's secure, comfortable, wonderful in so many varied ways with warmth and happiness. And because of your fucking disease you need it to be that way more than most folks.
But there's another part of you that is as integral to who you are as this disease that cannot and should not own you. That's the magical part of you, the part that I saw so clearly and that you take such pains to hide.
What I wish for you, you beautiful, amazing person, is to feel the wind on your face, the music in your ears, the tingle of excitement and adventure that you are made for and built for. I want you lifted on the air, I want you to spin around in joy, I want you to smile so widely, I want you to feel the comfort of an old soft familiar T-shirt while at the same time the adrenaline rush of a free-fall parachute. I want you to make the magic you make so beautifully, and share it, for God's sakes share it with the world.
I want your head held high. I want you to stop holding it down as the world and the horrible things in it drive you down further. I want you to be proud of everything you have accomplished, and what you've already shared and to continue sharing. I want you to know how awesome you are, and how wondrous. I don't feel this way about many people, in fact almost none. You are one of the few, that shining star that's taking me months to get over losing. Because I know what you are, and losing that was REALLY hard to take. You are a miracle. Now fucking remember that, and smile, and go face the wind and make the world more beautiful, in the way that you can - go conjure your magic.
I will love you forever and always. I will never, ever, ever forget you. You are so astounding, so you hold that fucking head up and get out of that rut and stop hurting and stop feeling guilt and go take the world by the balls and make it yours. You are one of the few people I have ever met who can - so please, I am begging you, feel ALIVE, feel some joy, dance, please dance, and SMILE. I love you, my incredible friend. Someone really loves you and believes in you outside of your immediate family. Let that lift you up instead of driving you down, and I always will, no matter what, and it will always remain, a magic of it's own. Think about that, especially after all this nonsense, and think of how wondrous that makes you. Get a skip in your step, a sparkle in those eyes of yours, and remember that the world always holds a little bit of magic in it - it's not all about being scared anymore. YOU are AMAZING.
-Me"