i wont let this break me.
im shaking from the inevitable realisation of more that has been done.
a.w. i will kill you.
i promise this
for all you have gotten away with.
for everything all of you have done to me
not just him
all.
i remember everything.
i will never forget.
it is so real that i can feel everything happening to me again.
and i am not scared,
i am ready to take back myself.
the thing about sexual assult is that you usually forget it. its out of your mind, out of your life. wrong. it comes back and gets under your skin, it comes out of every pore until all you are is those awful memories. and the longer you hide them, the longer it takes for you to be over taken by them. you're letting those who hurt you get the best of you by hiding what happened. the sooner the memories overtake your entire being, the sooner you can work through them and let them go.
i will be brave.
even though i cannot leave the house without my mom or my boyfriend, or go anywhere without pepper spray, that is still something. ive come so far since september. this is real; this is heartfelt.
even if my hands are shaking and i cant sleep, this is still inspiring me to fix myself. and i want to give courage to others. one in four women are assulted or raped by an aquintence. this leads me to believe that maybe people i know, even people who read this, are going through the same thing. sexual assault occurs when any time within a sexual experience that someone participating in it does not want it. that means regret. think about it. if you regret it for days (not just the morning after), or if it causes you incredible pain and hating youself for it, then you may have been assulted. even if you really werent, you may experience the same effects as if you were. and believe its real.
please, please, if you identify with anything i am saying, leave me a message. anonymus or signed. just tell me, or tell someone. i have gone through this, and i am going through this. and maybe we can go through it together. i need all the support i can get. you dont have to tell me your story, you can tell me anything. even if you have questions about what happened to me, i will tell you.
i am ready to talk. im heading face first into this. please dont let me do this all in vain.
a.w. i will kill you.
i promise this
for all you have gotten away with.
for everything all of you have done to me
not just him
all.
i remember everything.
i will never forget.
it is so real that i can feel everything happening to me again.
and i am not scared,
i am ready to take back myself.
the thing about sexual assult is that you usually forget it. its out of your mind, out of your life. wrong. it comes back and gets under your skin, it comes out of every pore until all you are is those awful memories. and the longer you hide them, the longer it takes for you to be over taken by them. you're letting those who hurt you get the best of you by hiding what happened. the sooner the memories overtake your entire being, the sooner you can work through them and let them go.
i will be brave.
even though i cannot leave the house without my mom or my boyfriend, or go anywhere without pepper spray, that is still something. ive come so far since september. this is real; this is heartfelt.
even if my hands are shaking and i cant sleep, this is still inspiring me to fix myself. and i want to give courage to others. one in four women are assulted or raped by an aquintence. this leads me to believe that maybe people i know, even people who read this, are going through the same thing. sexual assault occurs when any time within a sexual experience that someone participating in it does not want it. that means regret. think about it. if you regret it for days (not just the morning after), or if it causes you incredible pain and hating youself for it, then you may have been assulted. even if you really werent, you may experience the same effects as if you were. and believe its real.
please, please, if you identify with anything i am saying, leave me a message. anonymus or signed. just tell me, or tell someone. i have gone through this, and i am going through this. and maybe we can go through it together. i need all the support i can get. you dont have to tell me your story, you can tell me anything. even if you have questions about what happened to me, i will tell you.
i am ready to talk. im heading face first into this. please dont let me do this all in vain.