(no subject)
i want things to go back to normal. and i want to be able to love someone, and be annoying and smothering and kissing them every second and have no doubt that they're loving me back. i want to call and just listen to them breathing and have that be better than lying in bed alone. i want to not wonder. and not be scared. and not care about what will or might happen. i want love back. the kind i feel when im with her. and as silly as that sounds, it just makes everything make sense. my life. and laughing. and crying. and talking. talking to her makes more sense than talking to anyone else in the world. and i dont care if it because we justify every fucking wrong thing we do. i dont care if we're emo or the wierdest friends anyone has ever seen. i dont care if we live five hundred miles apart and the talking is only once a week. it fucking makes sense. and thats all that matters to me.
i want sense. some kind of sense from my time here. i want to not feel like everyone sees me how they do. i want to know that i dont deserve this. but i do. and i hate it. but its ruined. and my hope of having another boy who sees past it is gone. and the only boy who does, i dont deserve. and i wont do that to him again. i wont let another boy cry over me. cause im not worth it. and im indecisive and i dont know what the fuck i want. ever. cause it changes everyday. all the time.
i want things with taylor to be things with taylor again. i want us to move somewhere fun. and just grow up and find new places. and be positive. being around this boy makes me feel so happy. its so refreshing.
i want rob to be back with emily. cause i know he loves her. and im just messing things up. for the time being. and its not right. and its not fair.
i want andy to give me another chance. i want him to take back that he really honestly believes im a liar.
i want things with rich to stay the same. and i want to never mess that up again.
i want meagan mills in my life. so fucking badly.
i miss my girls.
i want stacey to be happy. and to meet people. and to love portland like i love tampa.
i want to just travel.
my most favourite feeling is getting away. and leaving. no matter where it is.
i want sense. some kind of sense from my time here. i want to not feel like everyone sees me how they do. i want to know that i dont deserve this. but i do. and i hate it. but its ruined. and my hope of having another boy who sees past it is gone. and the only boy who does, i dont deserve. and i wont do that to him again. i wont let another boy cry over me. cause im not worth it. and im indecisive and i dont know what the fuck i want. ever. cause it changes everyday. all the time.
i want things with taylor to be things with taylor again. i want us to move somewhere fun. and just grow up and find new places. and be positive. being around this boy makes me feel so happy. its so refreshing.
i want rob to be back with emily. cause i know he loves her. and im just messing things up. for the time being. and its not right. and its not fair.
i want andy to give me another chance. i want him to take back that he really honestly believes im a liar.
i want things with rich to stay the same. and i want to never mess that up again.
i want meagan mills in my life. so fucking badly.
i miss my girls.
i want stacey to be happy. and to meet people. and to love portland like i love tampa.
i want to just travel.
my most favourite feeling is getting away. and leaving. no matter where it is.