(no subject)
I refuse to cry over him anymore.
he's just an asshole that cares about nobody but himself and his stupid job.
he says he needs to work 24/7 for a scholarship beacsue he cant rely on grades, what fucking bullshit. Whatever happened to just focusing on school when you wanted to do well? It's just another excuse to not see me.
fucking christ he stamped it.
He promised he was coming over this morning. He absolutely promised, he said NOTHING would stop him, no matter how late he came home. He pinky-sweared-stamped-it in the special way we do it. Which apparently either jinxes it or just means nothing in the first place. I honestly hate him right now. I woke up early so i could see hima nd hang out with him for a mere half and hour before work but he just doesnt care enough.
it's gotten to the point that everytime we have plans and i start to get excited I stop myself and remind myself that he always ditches me so i should pretend i just don't care and then it won't hurt so much. Everytime I woke up in the middle of the night I would look at the clock and have a countdown of how long it would be until I saw him next. And when I woke up, I remembered my promise to myself. I said, Rosemary don't get so excited, you will jsut be more hurt when he cancels. But for some reason i stopped myself this time and said no, forget I will get excited beacse he swore on our fucking relationship that he would be here. So I jumped around all happy that I would get to see him in half an hour. And then I get a fucking txt message saying that hes too goddamn tired to come see me?
FUCK! What is he problem? why even fucking say you love me, that you care, that nothing can stop you from coming over when you aren't going to come? Maybe he does all these things just so he can see how much I hurt and can marvel in how much someone loves him.
I'm honestly so hurt right now. i'm scared to go to work because i think my whole face will still be swollen from crying so much. and then he won't even answer his phone. Hes soundly sleeping while I fear our relationship is falling apart.
so honestly people, how long should i keep with this? I'm begnning to doubt it more and more each day and it hurts so much. but what am I supposed to do? Keep this? It might hurt less in the end to just not see him anymore. but i really am in love.
my god i hope he reads this. but of course he won't. thats just another promise he made and won't keep. he said he would read it to see what I think when he's not there or about other things that we never talk about. But i know it was jut a nother lie he said to shut me up. he said the same about emailing each other. mysterisouly his hotmail doesnt work on his computer, only his mom's does? BULL. I've started to notice tht everything he says or does is bull. and I'm sick of it
fuck, someone help me. I feel like i just died. and he shouldnt have this much power over me. I'm going to have the shitiest day at work now and it's beacuse of an asshole that finds it funny to lie to people to break their hearts.
I honestly should have seen it coming though. It's my fault for trusting him in the first place after all that happened last year.
I'm a moron/
he's just an asshole that cares about nobody but himself and his stupid job.
he says he needs to work 24/7 for a scholarship beacsue he cant rely on grades, what fucking bullshit. Whatever happened to just focusing on school when you wanted to do well? It's just another excuse to not see me.
fucking christ he stamped it.
He promised he was coming over this morning. He absolutely promised, he said NOTHING would stop him, no matter how late he came home. He pinky-sweared-stamped-it in the special way we do it. Which apparently either jinxes it or just means nothing in the first place. I honestly hate him right now. I woke up early so i could see hima nd hang out with him for a mere half and hour before work but he just doesnt care enough.
it's gotten to the point that everytime we have plans and i start to get excited I stop myself and remind myself that he always ditches me so i should pretend i just don't care and then it won't hurt so much. Everytime I woke up in the middle of the night I would look at the clock and have a countdown of how long it would be until I saw him next. And when I woke up, I remembered my promise to myself. I said, Rosemary don't get so excited, you will jsut be more hurt when he cancels. But for some reason i stopped myself this time and said no, forget I will get excited beacse he swore on our fucking relationship that he would be here. So I jumped around all happy that I would get to see him in half an hour. And then I get a fucking txt message saying that hes too goddamn tired to come see me?
FUCK! What is he problem? why even fucking say you love me, that you care, that nothing can stop you from coming over when you aren't going to come? Maybe he does all these things just so he can see how much I hurt and can marvel in how much someone loves him.
I'm honestly so hurt right now. i'm scared to go to work because i think my whole face will still be swollen from crying so much. and then he won't even answer his phone. Hes soundly sleeping while I fear our relationship is falling apart.
so honestly people, how long should i keep with this? I'm begnning to doubt it more and more each day and it hurts so much. but what am I supposed to do? Keep this? It might hurt less in the end to just not see him anymore. but i really am in love.
my god i hope he reads this. but of course he won't. thats just another promise he made and won't keep. he said he would read it to see what I think when he's not there or about other things that we never talk about. But i know it was jut a nother lie he said to shut me up. he said the same about emailing each other. mysterisouly his hotmail doesnt work on his computer, only his mom's does? BULL. I've started to notice tht everything he says or does is bull. and I'm sick of it
fuck, someone help me. I feel like i just died. and he shouldnt have this much power over me. I'm going to have the shitiest day at work now and it's beacuse of an asshole that finds it funny to lie to people to break their hearts.
I honestly should have seen it coming though. It's my fault for trusting him in the first place after all that happened last year.
I'm a moron/