(Untitled)

[_willis_]

My daughter turned 18.

Let me clarify, wiseasses, it was my oldest daughter, and no, I wasn't flirting with Lindsey Lohan at her party. I was talking to Lindsey. There's a difference. If I'm talking to a beautiful girl, and happen to have a smile on my face, I'm trying to get into her pants, apparently. I wish I had known this earlier in my

Comments

[lanedianelane]

They grow up all too fast. I drank a martini tonight in your honor, and in hers.

[_willis_]

Now, when are you going to drink one in my honor with me?

[lanedianelane]

That's up to you, Bruce Willis. My schedule is rather open.

[_willis_]

Do you surf, Diane Lane?

[lanedianelane]

I'm not sure yet.

[_willis_]

You can learn.

[lanedianelane]

I'd need an instructor.

[_willis_]

First lesson. Get a wetsuit. Bikinis are fantastic, but not practical for surfing.

[lanedianelane]

Noted. One wetsuit. I'll be sure to have printed on the front, "I am not a seal" so that the sharks will not be confused as to whom is on the menu.

[_willis_]

Lesson number two, if you see a fin, ditch the board. It's much less important than you are.

[lanedianelane]

Yes, ditching the board will leave my hands free to bitch-slap the carnivores circling under me. I'll also be able to point to the sign on my front indicating that I'm not a meal.

Next lesson?

[_willis_]

Lesson three:

The lifeguards don't know shit. Depend on your buddy.

I'll bail you out if things get hairy.

[lanedianelane]

I thought life guards were just decoration anyway. Unless you're on Baywatch, of course.

Depend on buddy. Got it.

Now, how does one stand up on a board and ride the crest of a wave -- and manage to survive it all?

[_willis_]

It takes balance. Are you nimble?

[lanedianelane]

As nimble as years of yoga will allow.

[_willis_]

Well.

Flexible too, I'd gather.