Here's the pitch...
I walk into my office one afternoon to see a little guy across the desk, accompanied by one of my production partners, and my ex-wife. Long day, two of the dogs had to go to the vet's, one for shots, the other because she had an infection in her eye, poor thing.
So, you know, my temper wasn't exactly what it should have been, I suppose. God knows the vet's office is one of my least favorite places on the planet, right behind the Department of Motor Vehicles, or a high school reunion. All three make me shudder like I just got sent to the principal's office.
So, I eased in behind my desk, said my hello's, was introduced to the little nervous writer, who kept twisting his hands around each other like he was trying to mold invisible clay. I offered to order everyone some lunch, if only to help the poor guy relax. Pitch meetings can be a bear, after all. Not everyone's ready to sit down and try to summarize a script they've been sweating blood into for the last 8 months.
I get that. Honestly, I do. It took me almost an entire year to become comfortable with the audition process. I was never more relieved than when, after Die Hard hit it big, I didn't have to do it so much anymore.
The guy earned some major brownie points with me by skipping the phase of the pitch meeting where he chapped his lips kissing either my butt, or Demi's. When you make it into my office, talk to me like you would another person. I'm not Zeus, I'm not God, I won't incinerate you with a lightning bolt if you ask if you can smoke in the office. I know a ton of people who think better sucking on a cigarette, after all. I am a musician in my spare time.
So, after some Chinese food (no MSG, no meat for Demi. She's obscene.), we set about talking. Another trick to take the pressure off of a pitch meeting. Don't set it up like a big production and put the pitcher on the spot. Instead, you can just spend your time talking about shared influences, about books you've read and enjoyed, about past projects one or the other of you have worked on that you both liked. We did about 25 minutes on Sin City, we talking in great detail about Pulp Fiction, and not a bit of it was ass-kissery. Which I loved. This kid could actually talk about the work, about what he thought were strength and deficiencies in the work, and do it with a critical, but not harshly critical eye.
Then one little slip made me end the whole damn thing as gently as possible.
He tossed his binder of work out in front of me, and had me flip to a project that I'm sure he's still shopping around, so I won't use the name. As I was looking over the copious character notes, he gave me the logline:
"It's Die Hard in a really tall building."
Demi almost choked on her water.
My business partner kindly explained to the kid, with kibitzing and jokes from me about what the original Die Hard actually entailed. Couldn't believe that the kid hadn't ever seen it, actually. I thought that the Turner networks alone had drummed it firmly enough into the consciousness of America by now, really.
I did keep the kid's number, and sent him off with a DVD set of the three Die Hard pictures, so he could watch them, and make sure that he hadn't unintentionally copied any of the set peices in his script. Wouldn't want to wind up in that lawsuit, not for anything. Especially when you've only been selling animation scripts at this point.
It's like Die Hard in a really tall building.
I'll be laughing about that for years to come.
So, you know, my temper wasn't exactly what it should have been, I suppose. God knows the vet's office is one of my least favorite places on the planet, right behind the Department of Motor Vehicles, or a high school reunion. All three make me shudder like I just got sent to the principal's office.
So, I eased in behind my desk, said my hello's, was introduced to the little nervous writer, who kept twisting his hands around each other like he was trying to mold invisible clay. I offered to order everyone some lunch, if only to help the poor guy relax. Pitch meetings can be a bear, after all. Not everyone's ready to sit down and try to summarize a script they've been sweating blood into for the last 8 months.
I get that. Honestly, I do. It took me almost an entire year to become comfortable with the audition process. I was never more relieved than when, after Die Hard hit it big, I didn't have to do it so much anymore.
The guy earned some major brownie points with me by skipping the phase of the pitch meeting where he chapped his lips kissing either my butt, or Demi's. When you make it into my office, talk to me like you would another person. I'm not Zeus, I'm not God, I won't incinerate you with a lightning bolt if you ask if you can smoke in the office. I know a ton of people who think better sucking on a cigarette, after all. I am a musician in my spare time.
So, after some Chinese food (no MSG, no meat for Demi. She's obscene.), we set about talking. Another trick to take the pressure off of a pitch meeting. Don't set it up like a big production and put the pitcher on the spot. Instead, you can just spend your time talking about shared influences, about books you've read and enjoyed, about past projects one or the other of you have worked on that you both liked. We did about 25 minutes on Sin City, we talking in great detail about Pulp Fiction, and not a bit of it was ass-kissery. Which I loved. This kid could actually talk about the work, about what he thought were strength and deficiencies in the work, and do it with a critical, but not harshly critical eye.
Then one little slip made me end the whole damn thing as gently as possible.
He tossed his binder of work out in front of me, and had me flip to a project that I'm sure he's still shopping around, so I won't use the name. As I was looking over the copious character notes, he gave me the logline:
"It's Die Hard in a really tall building."
Demi almost choked on her water.
My business partner kindly explained to the kid, with kibitzing and jokes from me about what the original Die Hard actually entailed. Couldn't believe that the kid hadn't ever seen it, actually. I thought that the Turner networks alone had drummed it firmly enough into the consciousness of America by now, really.
I did keep the kid's number, and sent him off with a DVD set of the three Die Hard pictures, so he could watch them, and make sure that he hadn't unintentionally copied any of the set peices in his script. Wouldn't want to wind up in that lawsuit, not for anything. Especially when you've only been selling animation scripts at this point.
It's like Die Hard in a really tall building.
I'll be laughing about that for years to come.