(no subject)
its just one of those days where getting a simple scuff mark on your least favorite pair of shoes could make you cry.
I can sit here everyday and pretend everythings fine. I've mastered that, but for some reason it doesnt fulfill me like it does everyone else. Why do I bother. I could sit here for hours hoping and I mostly never get anywhere. I could sit here for hours and hours and then get all worked up and excited and feeling all dizzy again and then it just dies. Why do I waste so much for nothing. I dont understand it. Maybe I'm selfish and maybe I do it to myself. Maybe its all in my head and its all my fault that I feel like I have no importance. Yeah, maybe its just all in my head. I just want to feel something amazing. I can listen to music all night and theres just so much emotion and everything put into it and I can watch live videos of bands on stage expressing all their anger and love and everything and I can think about friends and family and people I care about and how much I wish I could express everything. I just want that feeling like I can express everything and just have that amazing feeling come over me like, "wow, I cant believe this is happening, its just so amazing." I want that so badly right now because I just cant feel anything right now. I feel jealous of everyone else because it seems like they all know something I dont. I feel jealous of those who know what is going on and those who can get that amazing feeling. I feel jealous of those who can love someone. I feel jealous of those who spend their time with the one I love because if it werent for them, I might be able to spend more then 10 minutes a week talking to her. I feel jealous of everyone my parents adore because I know if it werent for them my parents might have payed more attention to me. I feel jealous of mike because he doesnt have to deal with anything anymore and he is far happier now than he ever was. I feel jealous of everyone and I hate it. I wish I could spend more time feeling something other than jealousy for once. Because other than that, I've basically got nothing. And after those mere 15 minutes and you have to leave, I get mad because I feel like I have no importance, but I cant because I know thats not the case, so I guess you can just call me mr. selfish because apparently theres no other explanation.
I can sit here everyday and pretend everythings fine. I've mastered that, but for some reason it doesnt fulfill me like it does everyone else. Why do I bother. I could sit here for hours hoping and I mostly never get anywhere. I could sit here for hours and hours and then get all worked up and excited and feeling all dizzy again and then it just dies. Why do I waste so much for nothing. I dont understand it. Maybe I'm selfish and maybe I do it to myself. Maybe its all in my head and its all my fault that I feel like I have no importance. Yeah, maybe its just all in my head. I just want to feel something amazing. I can listen to music all night and theres just so much emotion and everything put into it and I can watch live videos of bands on stage expressing all their anger and love and everything and I can think about friends and family and people I care about and how much I wish I could express everything. I just want that feeling like I can express everything and just have that amazing feeling come over me like, "wow, I cant believe this is happening, its just so amazing." I want that so badly right now because I just cant feel anything right now. I feel jealous of everyone else because it seems like they all know something I dont. I feel jealous of those who know what is going on and those who can get that amazing feeling. I feel jealous of those who can love someone. I feel jealous of those who spend their time with the one I love because if it werent for them, I might be able to spend more then 10 minutes a week talking to her. I feel jealous of everyone my parents adore because I know if it werent for them my parents might have payed more attention to me. I feel jealous of mike because he doesnt have to deal with anything anymore and he is far happier now than he ever was. I feel jealous of everyone and I hate it. I wish I could spend more time feeling something other than jealousy for once. Because other than that, I've basically got nothing. And after those mere 15 minutes and you have to leave, I get mad because I feel like I have no importance, but I cant because I know thats not the case, so I guess you can just call me mr. selfish because apparently theres no other explanation.