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[buffy_is_chosen]

Ah, Rome. The sights, the sounds, the smells. The street markets, the shops. I loved everything about this city, especially the shops. Even if I couldn't speak much Italian at all. I could at least point to the object I wanted and smile, and the vendors would give me the item I wanted. Well, not give... I still had to learn the currency value

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[got_the_spark]

Just as I was about to turn around and give up on trying to have a look at her I smelled her scent, it was fresh too. I glanced around the corner to see the familiar blond standing there. It was her alright, still looked the same to me. Now of course I could just come right out in the open and be my usual self saying something like ‘hello slayer’ or ‘well now what do we have here, bet you weren’t expecting to see me again’ but I just couldn’t. I froze up standing there, this would be harder then I thought. Don’t even know if I’m going to do anything yet, may just have a peek at her and leave. She doesn’t need to know that I’m here, she doesn’t even need to know that I’m alive again. Well, not alive but you get the picture.

‘sides I would probably just bring more trouble to live, that seems to be all I did before and now she didn’t need that. She got what she always wanted, to not be the slayer anymore. Well, still is the slayer and in my eyes always will be the one and only chosen slayer, but there were all those little bits running about now with the slayer powers.

I continued to stand there watching her, so much I felt for her still. Guess that’s the thing with love, no matter what you can’t get them out of your head, even when you know they won’t want nothing to do with you. If I talk to her then she’ll take it all back, the only thing that ever meant anything to me since I’ve been a vampire. Even if she didn’t mean it, it still touched me hearing her say “I love you”.

I’m just going to watch her walk though those door then turn around and never come back. Yep, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll more on with my life and do something else.

[buffy_is_chosen]

I stood at the entrance, but hesitated before actually crossing the threshold and stepping inside. I wasn't sure exactly why I did that, only it seemed to happen more and more often. It seemed that every time I stepped through that door, that I entered the place where I lived with The Immortal, I lost a little bit of myself. I can't really explain it other than I was trying to remember what Willow and Tara's cat was called and for the life of me, I couldn't. Little details, not the major ones, but little things that were still important to me were slipping through my grasp. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to anyone else, but the memories were all that I had left.

I left the door and crossed the courtyard. There was a concrete bench in the corner, half-hidden by some type of flowering tree. I liked to sit there; it was my refuge away from The Immortal things, my place to get away and just think for myself. I could sit on the bench for hours and just enjoy the peace and quiet... well, okay, not really hours because after awhile, I'd get antsy and want to do something, but still it was nice to sit there and have my own little place.

I sat and my thoughts turned to Spike. Damn, why was I thinking about him so much lately? Out of the blue, I'd see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch, smell that rancid cigarette that he never really smoked. It was really irritating. He was dead and gone and there wasn't any reason for me to think about him as much as I did, but I did.

I missed him.

The realization hit me hard; once the tears started I couldn't stop them. I missed him.

[Bet you thought that I'd disappeared! Well, I'm finally back around, although I won't have stable internet until Wednesday. Still, I'd love to hook up with you and chat and I'd love to pick this baby up and start running again!]