I'm annoying.
It's time to be honest w/myself.
If there was a reset button that I could press that could take me to a few months ago where I could change a lot of the things going on in my life right now I would definitely press it. It would probably be big and green and say "happiness" or at least "slightly less confusion".
Right now everything hurts. A lot of kind of shitty things have happened lately. It's not the end of the world, and I know everything is always okay, but my mind constantly goes a hundred miles an hour lately. Moments alone that should be treasured and used for positive thoughts are just spent kicking myself and wondering what I could have done differently and what would be happening now if I had.
I feel like the situation with the band was treated very poorly. Personally I feel like I'm a good drummer and I deserved more than that. It would be petty to talk poorly of someone on livejournal, but I really think the way Warren handled it was crappy. I know that I'm kind of biased, but I at least think that I deserved a hey: "this isn't going right. I'm going to give you and sean a month to work it out between yourselves and if you don't click, we're keeping him, but you're out." Because through the grapevine I heard that the main reason that I was kicked was because of a lack of connection within the rhythm section. Which I agree is a perfectly good reason to get rid of a drummer, I just think that I deserved more than that.
The main reason that was cited to me during the "band meeting" was that there were "glaring errors in the recording". Again, I understand that that may be a big deal and not a desired trait in a drummer. I just wish they would have taken into account that it was my first time using a click track, I was not on my own equipment (namely the bass pedal), and every time I would ask if something was okay I would get a blank stare or a "well, if it's not we can fix it in editing". So I ask, if these errors are so glaring, why could they not have just pointed out: "hey don't do that. do this"? I think I was radically misunderstood by the members of that band though as a human being.. that could be my own fault since I brought my "personal insecurities" to band practice.
I also think that the way it was handled beforehand was really shitty on Warren's part. I don't know how much of a group decision it was to kick me out, and I'm not trying to single anyone out.. I'm only saying what I know and what I've heard. I hated that Warren pretended to care about anything that he was saying at the practice. A week before that I had asked "when are we going to have band practice, I'm not feeling so great and I need something to get me out of the house". I think that at that point, I deserved a "well there are some things we need to talk about", rather than just telling me we were practicing on Thursday. It also really hurts my feelings that even since Thanksgiving when someone asked Warren how recording was going he replied with something along the lines of 'alright, but we need a new drummer'. I wish that he would have treated it like that towards me instead of patronizing me. I wish he would have sent me an email saying "clean out your office and leave me the key", because I know that's how it's treated in his head.
Like I said, maybe I was misunderstood as a human by them, but as a drummer I feel like I gave the Model U.N. a lot, and I feel like I deserved more.
There is a lot of other stuff going on right now, but I feel like it is too personal to talk about on this stupid thing. I am really confused with a lot of things about myself and my life. I just felt like i needed to get some of that stuff out. It's possible I'll delete it all in a day or so, who knows?
If there was a reset button that I could press that could take me to a few months ago where I could change a lot of the things going on in my life right now I would definitely press it. It would probably be big and green and say "happiness" or at least "slightly less confusion".
Right now everything hurts. A lot of kind of shitty things have happened lately. It's not the end of the world, and I know everything is always okay, but my mind constantly goes a hundred miles an hour lately. Moments alone that should be treasured and used for positive thoughts are just spent kicking myself and wondering what I could have done differently and what would be happening now if I had.
I feel like the situation with the band was treated very poorly. Personally I feel like I'm a good drummer and I deserved more than that. It would be petty to talk poorly of someone on livejournal, but I really think the way Warren handled it was crappy. I know that I'm kind of biased, but I at least think that I deserved a hey: "this isn't going right. I'm going to give you and sean a month to work it out between yourselves and if you don't click, we're keeping him, but you're out." Because through the grapevine I heard that the main reason that I was kicked was because of a lack of connection within the rhythm section. Which I agree is a perfectly good reason to get rid of a drummer, I just think that I deserved more than that.
The main reason that was cited to me during the "band meeting" was that there were "glaring errors in the recording". Again, I understand that that may be a big deal and not a desired trait in a drummer. I just wish they would have taken into account that it was my first time using a click track, I was not on my own equipment (namely the bass pedal), and every time I would ask if something was okay I would get a blank stare or a "well, if it's not we can fix it in editing". So I ask, if these errors are so glaring, why could they not have just pointed out: "hey don't do that. do this"? I think I was radically misunderstood by the members of that band though as a human being.. that could be my own fault since I brought my "personal insecurities" to band practice.
I also think that the way it was handled beforehand was really shitty on Warren's part. I don't know how much of a group decision it was to kick me out, and I'm not trying to single anyone out.. I'm only saying what I know and what I've heard. I hated that Warren pretended to care about anything that he was saying at the practice. A week before that I had asked "when are we going to have band practice, I'm not feeling so great and I need something to get me out of the house". I think that at that point, I deserved a "well there are some things we need to talk about", rather than just telling me we were practicing on Thursday. It also really hurts my feelings that even since Thanksgiving when someone asked Warren how recording was going he replied with something along the lines of 'alright, but we need a new drummer'. I wish that he would have treated it like that towards me instead of patronizing me. I wish he would have sent me an email saying "clean out your office and leave me the key", because I know that's how it's treated in his head.
Like I said, maybe I was misunderstood as a human by them, but as a drummer I feel like I gave the Model U.N. a lot, and I feel like I deserved more.
There is a lot of other stuff going on right now, but I feel like it is too personal to talk about on this stupid thing. I am really confused with a lot of things about myself and my life. I just felt like i needed to get some of that stuff out. It's possible I'll delete it all in a day or so, who knows?