(no subject)
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear.
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
Last night, i went through all of my old livejournal entries and made some realizations. I actually ended up deleting all of the entries about him, because they either made me really upset or just generally pissed off. I realized that through all the time that we were together, he made me more angry than he ever did happy. This is why I have decided to never look back on this period in my life. It's not worth it. He's not worth it and I deserve better than who he turned out to be. He was is not, was not and never be the person that I thought he would turn out to be or worth caring about. This is the last time he will ever be mentioned in here. I've walked in the shadows of the past for far too long now.
I've also been reflecting a lot on different circumstances in my life. Christmas break was, indeed, a very difficult and emotional period of this year, and without the support of my friends and everything, i would've never been able to come as far as i have coping with this. Granted, i'm still not over the situation, i cope by writing about it and drawing when i think about the entire circumstance and i still don't really know what to think about it. I guess i'll never entirely understand it, but i think about her everyday and i have hope that she's in a better place now.
I miss the kids around here. I feel like since i've been home, i haven't really seen any of my really close friends.
So here are some poems that i wrote last night.
i'm wading in shallow water.
but you pull me into
the deep end. i can't swim without
growing restless. but you keep me
wading, waiting. you are a river with
never ending twists and turns. you
carried me to unknown mysterious places.
and with you- i'll never know how you
flow, but i go with with it anyway.
But suddenly, i'm wading and i'm sinking.
I have no idea where
i'm going.
And suddenly I decide to start swimming
in the other direction
Away.
With you, I can't swim. If I stayed.
I'd be in the deep end.
Drowning.
____________
You are a flood.
seeping into my bloodstream
flowing into brain
inxtoxicating my thoughts.
II
Get the fuck out
You're a bad disease.
Harmful in every aspect.
Slowly approaching
captivating every inch
until it's too late.
too late.
get the fuck out.
I will be the antibotic,
that destroys you, parasite.
I will overcome you.
You will not get best of me.
So, get the fuck out.
Infect someone else for
I will remain strong.
______________________________
You played me
like a deck of cards.
Your first hand was phenomenal
and i'm still in the game.
Pressure rises. You're second hand.
it's even better than the first.
But as time wore on your
hands got worse and your
patience was wearing thin
you became angry and bitter when
the cards weren't dealt your way
and you threw down every hand
and every attempt I made to
console you. The cards I dealth
weren't good enough for you so
you threw them out. you threw
me out without ever, ever
looking at the last hand.
You would've won.
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
Last night, i went through all of my old livejournal entries and made some realizations. I actually ended up deleting all of the entries about him, because they either made me really upset or just generally pissed off. I realized that through all the time that we were together, he made me more angry than he ever did happy. This is why I have decided to never look back on this period in my life. It's not worth it. He's not worth it and I deserve better than who he turned out to be. He was is not, was not and never be the person that I thought he would turn out to be or worth caring about. This is the last time he will ever be mentioned in here. I've walked in the shadows of the past for far too long now.
I've also been reflecting a lot on different circumstances in my life. Christmas break was, indeed, a very difficult and emotional period of this year, and without the support of my friends and everything, i would've never been able to come as far as i have coping with this. Granted, i'm still not over the situation, i cope by writing about it and drawing when i think about the entire circumstance and i still don't really know what to think about it. I guess i'll never entirely understand it, but i think about her everyday and i have hope that she's in a better place now.
I miss the kids around here. I feel like since i've been home, i haven't really seen any of my really close friends.
So here are some poems that i wrote last night.
i'm wading in shallow water.
but you pull me into
the deep end. i can't swim without
growing restless. but you keep me
wading, waiting. you are a river with
never ending twists and turns. you
carried me to unknown mysterious places.
and with you- i'll never know how you
flow, but i go with with it anyway.
But suddenly, i'm wading and i'm sinking.
I have no idea where
i'm going.
And suddenly I decide to start swimming
in the other direction
Away.
With you, I can't swim. If I stayed.
I'd be in the deep end.
Drowning.
____________
You are a flood.
seeping into my bloodstream
flowing into brain
inxtoxicating my thoughts.
II
Get the fuck out
You're a bad disease.
Harmful in every aspect.
Slowly approaching
captivating every inch
until it's too late.
too late.
get the fuck out.
I will be the antibotic,
that destroys you, parasite.
I will overcome you.
You will not get best of me.
So, get the fuck out.
Infect someone else for
I will remain strong.
______________________________
You played me
like a deck of cards.
Your first hand was phenomenal
and i'm still in the game.
Pressure rises. You're second hand.
it's even better than the first.
But as time wore on your
hands got worse and your
patience was wearing thin
you became angry and bitter when
the cards weren't dealt your way
and you threw down every hand
and every attempt I made to
console you. The cards I dealth
weren't good enough for you so
you threw them out. you threw
me out without ever, ever
looking at the last hand.
You would've won.