(no subject)
a few days ago it hit me that school starts in a week and i panicked and decided to finally take time off from college like i've been saying that i need to do pretty much constantly since i came to college in the first place. that this is really not the right time for me, etc, i've known this since freshman year but i somehow keep making excuses or having excuses made for me and i don't know if i'm scared or just rational or what.
this most recent episode of revelation can probably be traced directly to having my study abroad plans get completely trampled and having to subsequently move which sucked and still sucks and getting screwed for classes and watching my relationship with my mother essentially cease to exist.
upon further reflection, it hit me that, given the new living situation and last-minute nature of this possible decision, i'm pretty much fucked no matter what - that is, i have almost no time to work through the necessary process to take a leave of absence or to make plans to live somewhere else, on top of which i only just moved in where i am now, meaning that even if i'm not in school i'm basically stuck in new york city only paying more of my own money for rent.
and so, once again, too little too late too indecisive. i have long-term plans but i don't know what they are.
this most recent episode of revelation can probably be traced directly to having my study abroad plans get completely trampled and having to subsequently move which sucked and still sucks and getting screwed for classes and watching my relationship with my mother essentially cease to exist.
upon further reflection, it hit me that, given the new living situation and last-minute nature of this possible decision, i'm pretty much fucked no matter what - that is, i have almost no time to work through the necessary process to take a leave of absence or to make plans to live somewhere else, on top of which i only just moved in where i am now, meaning that even if i'm not in school i'm basically stuck in new york city only paying more of my own money for rent.
and so, once again, too little too late too indecisive. i have long-term plans but i don't know what they are.