..It's oh so quiet..
This year has been good, many realizations, much growth, negative and positive, learned appreciation, stability, self reliance, met good people, started my path to recovery, graduated from high school, moved across the country, started a life long project of service, discovered a lot about myself and the world and the role I'd like to have in it. All in all, this year has been great despite the trials that I've been through and the hardships of having to leave and running myself into the ground with the drugs and alcohol. I'm in a much better place now than I've been in quite some time and although there is a lot more to work on, I feel good about where I am now. I continue to grow and change and I'm not so scared of it anymore. Being comfortable is not always a good thing, but you've gotta learn the line of pushing yourself and putting yourself in a situation that is more harmful than productive. I feel good about things, just plain good about things.
This trip to California has been better than the last in many ways as well, I don't feel so stressed or pressured to run all over and see as many people as possible, it's about spending quality time with those that mean a lot to me and really talking and just being. I've spent some time with my mother at Christmas eve, and morning, we also had a good and intense conversation today and then watched two movies and ate some food together. I hung out with Dad and the rest of the family christmas day and talked a bit to everyone that I could, caught up on some things, met my cousin's boyfriend and enjoyed the prescence of everyone..it was nice to not feel rushed about. On the way back to Mountain View from Santa Rosa I had a great conversation with my oldest brother Seth, I'm so appreciative of him, he is so amazing, I've looked up to him my whole life, and last night's conversation really cemented why I do look up to him, he's so driven and has such an amazing life in him and his aspirations are wonderful..I love being around him and hearing what he has to say. I'm so happy for him and Kristy. I've had Ginevra with me for most of this which has been a huge blessing. She is truly amazing and always impresses me with her compassion that runs so deep it's almost unfathomable. She's been great, and I hope she's enjoying herself now that she's with Britt..I'll see her again Wednesday in the City. I saw Eleanor on Christmas eve which was truly amazing. It's so great to see how far she's come and how well she's doing, to talk about then and now and how her life has changed and to be around her when we are both in a really good and more stable place in our lives and heads. It was a different and very enjoyable experience to say the least. Wandering around down town p.a. and stanford shopping center with her and Ginevra was great! :) I saw Crystine, David and Anna tonight which was great, I hung out with Crystine and David for a couple of hours, we talked a bit, laughed, watched "house" I think it's called and Anna and I had a good time to catch up and hang out for a bit. I'm really glad that I got to see them. I beat David in a drag race down Fremont street and it was AMAZING, I was behind him but then I decided that wasn't fun enough so I pulled to the side and smoked his ass! yay for no cops being around, I was definitely going almost 80 for a bit. hah. I'm going back over there tomorrow after I work on some phone stuff and then going to Berkley to hang out with Kelly which should be really nice and then I'm seeing Eryn in the evening after possibly going with mom to pick up lizzy from the airport. Wednesday I'm in S.F. with Britt and Ginevra and possibly, hopefully Eleanor..I think that'll be fun, shopping on haight street always is, especially because mom is giving me a $50 gift certificate to ameoba that her brother doesn't want! helllllz yea!
So basically, and thankfully this year has not been about the presents, not the stuff, not the materialistic side of things, although I did recieve some very thoughtful and helpful things from people, gift cards for food and warm things which will be put to good use and a new rose journal..but really it has been so amazing to be in the prescence of my family and friends, I've enjoyed this more than I can say. It doesn't feel like christmas to me, because I think all the other years I was too consumed in what the media defines this holiday as and this year it has just been purley pleasant. I have no other way to describe it. I really appreciate the opportunity to be back here, I've had a wonderful time and I'm sure the rest of the trip will be magnificent as well. I'm going to burn lots of Cd's and I'm very happy about that fact.
As much as I'm enjoying this, it's not my home anymore and it didn't take long for it to be like that. It was nice to talk to Seth about that because his experience leaving here was much the same way. It only took about a week for this to not be home to him..for me it took a few months, but it's no longer that place it used to be. Sometimes it can be disconcerting and others it can be comforting, I'm experiencing new things and I'm greatful for it. Brighton is home for me right now and I do miss it, I miss my room and my house and my roomies and my job and my friends, I'm happy to be here and I'll be happy to go back and that's a wonderful thing.
It's supposed to flood here tomorrow, hopefully not since I'm driving to berkley, damn I hate that drive..I better have some good music. Yay for burning Cd's while waiting for the cingular store to open. boo for me breaking my phone in half. haha I'm silly.
I have Kanye West in my head...I love that song.
This trip to California has been better than the last in many ways as well, I don't feel so stressed or pressured to run all over and see as many people as possible, it's about spending quality time with those that mean a lot to me and really talking and just being. I've spent some time with my mother at Christmas eve, and morning, we also had a good and intense conversation today and then watched two movies and ate some food together. I hung out with Dad and the rest of the family christmas day and talked a bit to everyone that I could, caught up on some things, met my cousin's boyfriend and enjoyed the prescence of everyone..it was nice to not feel rushed about. On the way back to Mountain View from Santa Rosa I had a great conversation with my oldest brother Seth, I'm so appreciative of him, he is so amazing, I've looked up to him my whole life, and last night's conversation really cemented why I do look up to him, he's so driven and has such an amazing life in him and his aspirations are wonderful..I love being around him and hearing what he has to say. I'm so happy for him and Kristy. I've had Ginevra with me for most of this which has been a huge blessing. She is truly amazing and always impresses me with her compassion that runs so deep it's almost unfathomable. She's been great, and I hope she's enjoying herself now that she's with Britt..I'll see her again Wednesday in the City. I saw Eleanor on Christmas eve which was truly amazing. It's so great to see how far she's come and how well she's doing, to talk about then and now and how her life has changed and to be around her when we are both in a really good and more stable place in our lives and heads. It was a different and very enjoyable experience to say the least. Wandering around down town p.a. and stanford shopping center with her and Ginevra was great! :) I saw Crystine, David and Anna tonight which was great, I hung out with Crystine and David for a couple of hours, we talked a bit, laughed, watched "house" I think it's called and Anna and I had a good time to catch up and hang out for a bit. I'm really glad that I got to see them. I beat David in a drag race down Fremont street and it was AMAZING, I was behind him but then I decided that wasn't fun enough so I pulled to the side and smoked his ass! yay for no cops being around, I was definitely going almost 80 for a bit. hah. I'm going back over there tomorrow after I work on some phone stuff and then going to Berkley to hang out with Kelly which should be really nice and then I'm seeing Eryn in the evening after possibly going with mom to pick up lizzy from the airport. Wednesday I'm in S.F. with Britt and Ginevra and possibly, hopefully Eleanor..I think that'll be fun, shopping on haight street always is, especially because mom is giving me a $50 gift certificate to ameoba that her brother doesn't want! helllllz yea!
So basically, and thankfully this year has not been about the presents, not the stuff, not the materialistic side of things, although I did recieve some very thoughtful and helpful things from people, gift cards for food and warm things which will be put to good use and a new rose journal..but really it has been so amazing to be in the prescence of my family and friends, I've enjoyed this more than I can say. It doesn't feel like christmas to me, because I think all the other years I was too consumed in what the media defines this holiday as and this year it has just been purley pleasant. I have no other way to describe it. I really appreciate the opportunity to be back here, I've had a wonderful time and I'm sure the rest of the trip will be magnificent as well. I'm going to burn lots of Cd's and I'm very happy about that fact.
As much as I'm enjoying this, it's not my home anymore and it didn't take long for it to be like that. It was nice to talk to Seth about that because his experience leaving here was much the same way. It only took about a week for this to not be home to him..for me it took a few months, but it's no longer that place it used to be. Sometimes it can be disconcerting and others it can be comforting, I'm experiencing new things and I'm greatful for it. Brighton is home for me right now and I do miss it, I miss my room and my house and my roomies and my job and my friends, I'm happy to be here and I'll be happy to go back and that's a wonderful thing.
It's supposed to flood here tomorrow, hopefully not since I'm driving to berkley, damn I hate that drive..I better have some good music. Yay for burning Cd's while waiting for the cingular store to open. boo for me breaking my phone in half. haha I'm silly.
I have Kanye West in my head...I love that song.