..Personal Growth??..

[_waysuperrad]

Sometimes I question how much I've really grown. Sometimes I think what if it's all a farse? what if I'm just convincing myself that I'm doing better, when in reality I'm just the same as I was before. Chilling thoughts. I'm trying to get to a place where it's not always a split scene..where I'm not calm on the outside and thrashing about,

Comments

[reconstruct_her]

Sometimes I read over the things you write lately and I am not sure I recognize the Joy I had gotten so used to. That's in no way a bad thing, it's just different...you've deffinitely changed, grown, matured, so on and so forth. It feels weird to be on the other side of the country hardly having a clue as to what exactly you're going through there to bring all of this change, all these thoughts of yours, ect. about. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could meet your eyes. I wish we were laughing together. I miss you like hell

[_waysuperrad]

I wish that we were closer or kept in touch better, I'd like to know of all the things that are going on in your life. So much is happening here that is tearing me down and building me up at the same time. Yes, it's so possible. Scarey..odd, but yea. hmm. I want to run and jump on your and poke you and sip coffee with you and such. I miss you dearly.

I love the fact that we are friends, you run so deep and I still want to know everything about you in every way, I hope that one day distance allows that to resume.

I'm not talking about D...he doesn't affect me anymore thankfully...something else, that one night down town that I was really drunk and there was a show and we were drinking vodka and orange juice and i was already drunk, laying on the ground talking and that guy i was trying to avoid..scared of, I couldn't see but it was bad news..anyhow, enough of that.

I'll never forget..you don't forget either..I will always love you..always.

[reconstruct_her]

Maybe we'll catch each other online some evenings...it'd be better than nothing...hmm?

I remember that night all too well, too.

[_waysuperrad]

I'll have to start going on AIM more often, I haven't been at all lately, but I realize that is not the best idea seeing as that's my only form of communication with some folks. Hmm.

I remember so many nights, so many times...*sigh* I'm not sure if I'll make it to hollywood over christmas, but I'm going to try

[reconstruct_her]

Yeah...I'm scarcely on there myself, either. By the time I am home I haven't the energy to even log in most the time.

Soon, if not over x-mas...yes?
My problem is I could soon afford to visit you, but it's nearly impossible to get time off considering how much my bosses rely on me.

[_waysuperrad]

I'm not sure when I'll be able to make it out to cali again after christmas..well, no I am sure...the soonest I can come out again will be june, it's basically a school schedual that I'm operating on, but my breaks aren't as long. So you'd have to come see me, I'm not sure if I'm even coming back for a visit in June since I have a place lined up for me after my lease on this one runs out. so yea.

we'll work it out...hopefully you can get some time off, I dunno..something will work out, we'll make it work out!

[reconstruct_her]

Yeah...I suppose that sometime I can work like 2 weeks straight to make extra cash and then beg my boss for a 3 day weekend or something. How long is the flight out there?