Dragon Slayer
When i pick up a pencil, i swear it's laughing at me. I drop it and return to the mundane. I feel as if my patience resembles something akin to a candle wick, as I'm sure it does to most.It's almost like I am forever trying to keep from burning out simply because it's easier to help others than fuel my own fire. How ever many insecurities i harbor feels like it's time to round them up and destroy them all in one big catastrophic holocaustarific de-fragmentation effort. I think I'll call it Arifest(!) Or perhaps introspectaganza '07 or aptly growing the fuck up. My biggest fear is to come home from work one day to find my family and friends sitting in my tiny living room drinking tea from my cups in a circle chatting about me to each other stopping only to look up at me as i walk in to say: "Ari we need to talk, you've been a little bitch lately and we think you need help...or a tampon" at this point asking them why the hell are they all cramped into my living room tracking mud everywhere is pointless.
"How did you all get in?....."
I blow up at everyone, i don't know if it has to do with the fact that i finally quit smoking or because i hate my girlfriend for fucking everyone on earth then me, in that order. I could care less about that actually it's just another jinga block on my head.
I need to address my own problems before i break up with Debby, that's not her name mind you it's just that every time i look at her i think "Debby does Miami". It's gotten so bad that when random strangers smile at me on the street and say "hello", it sounds more like "just fucked your girlfriend". I think the reason I could care less is because; as Niki would put it I'm going through an existentialism dilemma and it seems that it takes presidency over everything else.
I think that girl is on to something.
So for now I think I'll live and let live, or something of the like. To do this, picking up this damn pencil and channeling will be my first step to recovery. I am close to meltdown everyday and this black wave is back to torment and distort my view of the future. When you're little the future is so clear and ever changing, funny how the older you get the more concrete the road ahead turns out to be. Wish i had an ignorant past, so i could have a blissful future.
Mari and Chris were right, starting up LJ again was a good idea. Now that I've vented time to blow off some steam...cheers.
"How did you all get in?....."
I blow up at everyone, i don't know if it has to do with the fact that i finally quit smoking or because i hate my girlfriend for fucking everyone on earth then me, in that order. I could care less about that actually it's just another jinga block on my head.
I need to address my own problems before i break up with Debby, that's not her name mind you it's just that every time i look at her i think "Debby does Miami". It's gotten so bad that when random strangers smile at me on the street and say "hello", it sounds more like "just fucked your girlfriend". I think the reason I could care less is because; as Niki would put it I'm going through an existentialism dilemma and it seems that it takes presidency over everything else.
I think that girl is on to something.
So for now I think I'll live and let live, or something of the like. To do this, picking up this damn pencil and channeling will be my first step to recovery. I am close to meltdown everyday and this black wave is back to torment and distort my view of the future. When you're little the future is so clear and ever changing, funny how the older you get the more concrete the road ahead turns out to be. Wish i had an ignorant past, so i could have a blissful future.
Mari and Chris were right, starting up LJ again was a good idea. Now that I've vented time to blow off some steam...cheers.