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so uhm yeah. today was okay. i babysat then i went to stefs and vinny was there. it was pretty okay. except when i was babysitting i had the biggest like i dont even know wat it was. i wish i was fuckin able to tell people my real feelings i hate holding things back. because all it does is make me cry. stefanie sent me some pretty good news today. well i think it was good news and i read it and i couldnt stop crying because the fact that i dont know what i want. i dont know anything anymore i dont even know myself. all i kno is who i want. and the thing is . i just dont fucking kno. ahh ! seriously. like its so confusing cause i dont know what i want. but i do? like no1 understands this but me. and ggrr. it annoys me cause i cant explain whats wrong with me 'cause theres just so much shit on my mind. and i guess i just need to like. sort it all out.but today i was reading all my old journals and like i miss how i used to be. like yeah i might of been depressed when i was alone. but i was happy around my friends. and now im just depressed around my friends and when im alone. and even though the real damage happens when im alone. the fake smiles fading and everyone can see the real me. and that scares me. i just dont know im not ready to face anything yet. im a lost little girl in this horrible cruel world and i just want to escape . i need to learn who i am. or where i am? cause i found the real me a litle while ago . but she faded. shea gone and i cant find her.
this entry makes probebly absolutely no sense to anyone. but thats how im feeling confused and un organized. and idunno. im just gonna go
<33 xo
fuck you and your pretty smile your eyes are cutting my skin