(no subject)
i dont even know what to do with myself. i hate how it feels at first. its so weird. i was just with you this morning and now you're gone.. and you're really far away.
it really does hurt more and more each time. & i know i say this everytime but i dont know how many more goodbyes i can handle.
i cant be in my room. i cant be in this house. i cant be on the street. everything feels like you.
you're everywhere.
i wanna go back to yesterday when you wore those big goofy glasses and i beat you twice in laser tag & all i did was laugh forever b/c i suck at laser tag and b/c no one but you would look good in those stupid 'eye protection glasses'
we should have taken more pictures.
my moms being very nice to me. even offering to buy me an easter present. fuck her. fuck everyone who isnt you.
im wearing your pants. im not taking them off. ever.
i was really messed up when i left. i was crying and it was raining so i was soaked. and this black man who seemed pretty sketchy helped me to my car. and then he followed me out of the parking lot. he pulled up next to me at the red light to tell me i was on the wrong side of the road. and then at the next red light he told me i was going the wrong way on a one way street and he told me to be careful cause i wasnt driving so well. and he asked if you were my b/f and if i was going to be ok. i felt very touched by his concern. & he wasnt sketchy afterall.
there's always a story after i leave you.
my favorite would hafta be trying to get off the plane after the door had already shut and causing a scene, making myself look like a lunatic.
that was brave of me. and i did have lota balls to drive on the wrong side of the road today.
im sorry i didnt look back at you when i was walking away. i always do something wrong.
3 more months maybe, till we hafta say goodbye again.
im ready.