So, this is the new year...
...which means it's time for reflection.
2005: as a whole, not the greatest year. Not even a really good year. But not a bad year, either. Like any, it had its ups and downs. I've changed in many ways, and in evaluation have decided that these changes have not been for the better. It is my goal in the coming year to get myself back where I want to be.
The first winter of 2005 was a time of emotional turmoil. I invested all my energies into one aspect of life and had to deal with the consequences of being so naive. In retrospect, what happened really has little significance in the lives of the involved parties, including myself. But it started me off on the wrong foot. As a result of this and potentially other happenings, I began to lose my spirituality.
Spring was a season of transience. I can hardly recall the overall emotions of that time. Winterguard experiences reached an all-time high; Spring Break was probably the best week of my life; the winding down and closure of some really great relationships around graduation time proved to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do; the disappointment of not achieving my long-term goal ate at me for a short while, but proved to be a huge blessing in very small packaging. I fell back into a trap I should have learned to stay out of, but also learned a lesson for the last time. This season sparked and continued the everpresent sense of loss in my life at the time; while I had not yet lost anything, I could feel it looming in the distance.
Summer was a whirlwind of 180s. France was...France. Indescribable. It marked the last big event in one of the most elaborate, deeply-running, powerful, and permanently engraved timelines of my life. I suffered through the after effects of this realization for several months and still continue to on occasion. What probably got to me the most was never being able to fully say goodbye. I became completely and obsessively infatuated with the unattainable, almost reaching an unhealthy state. Luckily I was able to overcome this within reasonable time limits. I regained several friends I had lost to numerous influences. While these rekindled flames brought a much needed light to my life and a distraction from what I did not want to face, for a short time I became someone I did not want to be. I was taught this lesson long after the summer passed. Summer hardened me; I became an unsympathetic, unemotional girl with a compassion level of 0. Okay. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration. But I hope never again to return to such an obstinate and inconsiderate state. Some good did come out of summer, though, as the flames grew and continued to show their positive influence through the negativity and into the coming seasons.
Fall was insane. A total rollercoaster ride doesn't even begin to describe the state of my emotions. The day I turned 16 probably had the most potential for disaster out of any other day of my life. Thankfully, I had the best escape route ever. I am forever indebted to a particular individual for saving my sweet sixteen, however insignificant it may seem, from plummeting into the depths of a firy burning inferno. The fantastic times did indeed cancel out the terrible times, leaving me with the most pointless season of emotions I've ever experienced. I rediscovered the meaning of the word passion at an amazing weekend in South Carolina. This year, I only hope I can harness that passion and apply it to the important things in my life. I did learn during this season that people, in general, do not change. I also came to accept the fact that I will never fully understand this concept, and that I will continually walk through and stand in fire and in most instances get burned. And I'm getting more and more okay with that, even though it hurts like hell when the time comes. I know someone will always be standing by with some aloe leaves. And if for some reason they aren't, I know that eventually I'll be able to get my ass up and pick my own.
Finally, the last little stretch of winter this year. Not long enough to provoke extreme emotions, but definitely enough to foreshadow some major changes. Although it sounds quite cliche, this winter feels like it will be a season of new beginnings. The leaves have fallen and they are ready to be turned over. And I, for one, can't wait to see what lies underneath.
(This quick overview really does no justice to the year. A lot more really great things happened that I'm leaving out. But it's the best I can do right now.)
I hope that every last one of your New Year wishes comes true. I thank you all for sticking by me, despite the distance which Porter Ridge, college, or my hatred strong disliking of journalism may have put between us. You all are the best support group a girl could ask for. I anxiously await experiencing 2006 with you all, be it in person or in spirit.
Happy New Year, everyone.
2005: as a whole, not the greatest year. Not even a really good year. But not a bad year, either. Like any, it had its ups and downs. I've changed in many ways, and in evaluation have decided that these changes have not been for the better. It is my goal in the coming year to get myself back where I want to be.
The first winter of 2005 was a time of emotional turmoil. I invested all my energies into one aspect of life and had to deal with the consequences of being so naive. In retrospect, what happened really has little significance in the lives of the involved parties, including myself. But it started me off on the wrong foot. As a result of this and potentially other happenings, I began to lose my spirituality.
Spring was a season of transience. I can hardly recall the overall emotions of that time. Winterguard experiences reached an all-time high; Spring Break was probably the best week of my life; the winding down and closure of some really great relationships around graduation time proved to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do; the disappointment of not achieving my long-term goal ate at me for a short while, but proved to be a huge blessing in very small packaging. I fell back into a trap I should have learned to stay out of, but also learned a lesson for the last time. This season sparked and continued the everpresent sense of loss in my life at the time; while I had not yet lost anything, I could feel it looming in the distance.
Summer was a whirlwind of 180s. France was...France. Indescribable. It marked the last big event in one of the most elaborate, deeply-running, powerful, and permanently engraved timelines of my life. I suffered through the after effects of this realization for several months and still continue to on occasion. What probably got to me the most was never being able to fully say goodbye. I became completely and obsessively infatuated with the unattainable, almost reaching an unhealthy state. Luckily I was able to overcome this within reasonable time limits. I regained several friends I had lost to numerous influences. While these rekindled flames brought a much needed light to my life and a distraction from what I did not want to face, for a short time I became someone I did not want to be. I was taught this lesson long after the summer passed. Summer hardened me; I became an unsympathetic, unemotional girl with a compassion level of 0. Okay. Maybe that's a slight exaggeration. But I hope never again to return to such an obstinate and inconsiderate state. Some good did come out of summer, though, as the flames grew and continued to show their positive influence through the negativity and into the coming seasons.
Fall was insane. A total rollercoaster ride doesn't even begin to describe the state of my emotions. The day I turned 16 probably had the most potential for disaster out of any other day of my life. Thankfully, I had the best escape route ever. I am forever indebted to a particular individual for saving my sweet sixteen, however insignificant it may seem, from plummeting into the depths of a firy burning inferno. The fantastic times did indeed cancel out the terrible times, leaving me with the most pointless season of emotions I've ever experienced. I rediscovered the meaning of the word passion at an amazing weekend in South Carolina. This year, I only hope I can harness that passion and apply it to the important things in my life. I did learn during this season that people, in general, do not change. I also came to accept the fact that I will never fully understand this concept, and that I will continually walk through and stand in fire and in most instances get burned. And I'm getting more and more okay with that, even though it hurts like hell when the time comes. I know someone will always be standing by with some aloe leaves. And if for some reason they aren't, I know that eventually I'll be able to get my ass up and pick my own.
Finally, the last little stretch of winter this year. Not long enough to provoke extreme emotions, but definitely enough to foreshadow some major changes. Although it sounds quite cliche, this winter feels like it will be a season of new beginnings. The leaves have fallen and they are ready to be turned over. And I, for one, can't wait to see what lies underneath.
(This quick overview really does no justice to the year. A lot more really great things happened that I'm leaving out. But it's the best I can do right now.)
I hope that every last one of your New Year wishes comes true. I thank you all for sticking by me, despite the distance which Porter Ridge, college, or my hatred strong disliking of journalism may have put between us. You all are the best support group a girl could ask for. I anxiously await experiencing 2006 with you all, be it in person or in spirit.
Happy New Year, everyone.