(no subject)
yeah.. brett called me all drunk last night like "why do you like going to bars instead of hanging out with me?" and I was like "well I like socializing, I like being around people".. This is tough because I mean, I'm young I like to go out and meet people...
So anyway, I'm still upset over the Schuyler-thing... , I thought about him today and all the things I wish I could have said to him... I never got a chance to tell him how I feel.. Now I don't even know where the hell he lives or anything.. I've lost pretty much every thread of contact with him.. I don't see any of his friends or his brother or anyone... I keep wanting to kick myself for being too shy and scared to tell him how I feel.. I shoulda at least done it last time I saw him.. Witch was about a year ago.... I wondered why I didn't see him at the fair or at the fireworks... I'll prolly never see him again *starts crying*.. What the fuck? It's like I wanna just go back in time and force myself to call him and tell him exactly how I felt because at least I would have got some sort of closure. It's like all I ever got was mixed signals.. Sometimes he'd ignore me, sometime I'd catch him looking at me.. And one time I was talking to his dad on the phone and he was like "Schuyler really likes you, Vanessa... He talks about you all the time" and after hearing that I felt on top of the world, like the luckiest girl alive..
And even last year when I saw him at the fair, I was really upset over somethings going on in my life and was almost in tears... But as soon as Schuyler walked by, my tears dried and I smiled instantly.. I remember the last time I saw him and I nervously said "hello"....
There are just so many things I regret not doing a long time ago.. I guess you can go ahead and say "it's your own damn fault". But I was so young and niave when i met him (I was 14) and to this day, even though I've dated other guys, he's NEVER left the back of my mind.
He was just.. perfect..
I remember our long talks on the phone... How he'd always tell me that am an awesome person and not to care what other people thought of me. He gave the BEST hugs ever and he was always so sweet and he could just light up a room...
Blah........ This has to be my past now. It's like I never looked at another guy the same way I looked at him.. The closest was Eddie, I can't deny that I love Eddie, cause I do.. It's just all the other guys in my life bore me to death..
I want to feel the butterflies again<3
So anyway, I'm still upset over the Schuyler-thing... , I thought about him today and all the things I wish I could have said to him... I never got a chance to tell him how I feel.. Now I don't even know where the hell he lives or anything.. I've lost pretty much every thread of contact with him.. I don't see any of his friends or his brother or anyone... I keep wanting to kick myself for being too shy and scared to tell him how I feel.. I shoulda at least done it last time I saw him.. Witch was about a year ago.... I wondered why I didn't see him at the fair or at the fireworks... I'll prolly never see him again *starts crying*.. What the fuck? It's like I wanna just go back in time and force myself to call him and tell him exactly how I felt because at least I would have got some sort of closure. It's like all I ever got was mixed signals.. Sometimes he'd ignore me, sometime I'd catch him looking at me.. And one time I was talking to his dad on the phone and he was like "Schuyler really likes you, Vanessa... He talks about you all the time" and after hearing that I felt on top of the world, like the luckiest girl alive..
And even last year when I saw him at the fair, I was really upset over somethings going on in my life and was almost in tears... But as soon as Schuyler walked by, my tears dried and I smiled instantly.. I remember the last time I saw him and I nervously said "hello"....
There are just so many things I regret not doing a long time ago.. I guess you can go ahead and say "it's your own damn fault". But I was so young and niave when i met him (I was 14) and to this day, even though I've dated other guys, he's NEVER left the back of my mind.
He was just.. perfect..
I remember our long talks on the phone... How he'd always tell me that am an awesome person and not to care what other people thought of me. He gave the BEST hugs ever and he was always so sweet and he could just light up a room...
Blah........ This has to be my past now. It's like I never looked at another guy the same way I looked at him.. The closest was Eddie, I can't deny that I love Eddie, cause I do.. It's just all the other guys in my life bore me to death..
I want to feel the butterflies again<3