que j'apporte la fois
making stuff and doing things, where did you go? how is it that the davis fucking whole earth festival can remind me i need to be more punk? i'm totally and obviously losing it, losing the effortless elan of a-ks spray painted on your hot pink underpants, losing that certain je ne sais brah. i as usual blame a variety of causes in a whirl of fingerpointing and mental accusation; the real problem is that i am oceanborn and certain people remind me of that more than others, becoming moons that orbit some larger and infinitely inconsequential object, waxing and waning completely unaware of their gravitational pull. sometimes to such an extent that my body adapts its natural rhythms to their external pull and oops i'm bleeding off schedule again. see? fingerpointing. my secret plans to fill my new beachside life with kittens and carnivorous plants are getting tangibly closer, friends call to say hello i love you and when are you moving? and i hem and haw about not being quite ready and possible complications and all manner of things could happen between now and then but really i know that they know that's all a smokescreen and it's okay. except for how ray bradbury has started up again with his whispering in my ear, a whispering i haven't heard since last july, asking me now wouldn't i rather live on an island? sure the beachfront is all well and good but it must end, it always will. an island, though. circular, unending, that sort of thing. and wouldn't that maybe be nicer? and remember the bad little falls in maine, and the beckoning sugar shacks and alex's sister's organic farm in quebec, and that blueberry farm in washington just off the highway, and the cherry orchard in the secret valley in b.c.? and ray shows me pictures, postcards to myself as it were, of all the places i saw once and swore i would come back to; and would i break faith with them now? and we both know i won't, i can't. i want to do everything i ever said i would but all at the same time and dammit i'm going to because dammit i'm still punk as fuck.