It would be nice...
I've been sitting at this machine for about an hour and a half now. I would call myself a nerd for it, but I know a lot of people do the same, plus I don't really care. I was supposed to be re-writing this essay for english, but I just dont want to do it at the moment.... I'm in a wishful mood right now, and there is so many things that I want right now that I can't have, it's making me pretty miserable. I don't mean to be one of those people to complain, and I know i've said it a thousand times before, because I really don't care that much. The whole thing about words is that they are so easy to say. Not that any of you will read this, but it goes a little like this, I feel compelled to tell abotu the least amount of an emotion I feel, yet I really am not that upset about it. I guess I'm one of those story-teller kinds of people. I've noticed that I tend to exaggarate a story for the sake of entertainment before, but usually, there's no harm in that. (Except when people hate you for it.. hmm might have to think a bit before I speak I suppose.)
This first month of school has proven to be interesting... I'm usually pretty vauge about specifics happening in my life, but right now, I don't care and I feel like I should just get it out. A kind of embarrasing fact about livejournal is that I always spend probably more time than I should picking out my mood. So that little confused face right there is pretty much the epitomy of everything I'm feeling right now... (don't worry guys, I'm not turning bi or gay or anything. har har.) I know this is a massivley hypocritical thing to say, but I miss athletics. It didn't give me a chance to whine and complain about everything else. I've been a hypocrite in more than one way lately as well. I'm really not ashamed of it though. If being a hypocrite means changing my opinions and being able to adapt to new ideas, then too fucking bad. Anyways, everything under the sun is confusing me- maybe it is all just falling apart, or maybe i'm blowing it out of porportion and being a whiny little bitch, or maybe i'm just going crazy and I don't really know what is really going on.
First off, I'm sure most of you guys know about my family situation right now, and if you don't it's pretty easy to assume. I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail about it because it really is between my parents and I want to try to get through it with the least amount of participation as possible.
Since my friends are the people reading this, I won't really go into a whole lot of detail about you guys because it will just stir up a bunch of drama and crap that I don't need about my opinions so I'll just leave it at the fact that right now I don't know who my friends are. Like I said before, (not to sound completley cold hearted) I'm really not stressing out that much about it. Friends seem to come and go and in the end, it never seems to matter that much. I think it's the memories you share and the occasional friend that sticks by you till the very end. Everyone tries to be that friend, I try to be that person, but people just change and it just doesn't happen that often I guess. that's just life, I guess.
Then there is my education. Let's not even bother with another one of those rants/ramblings/bullshit paragraphs. I just have a lot of questions about it... like where am I going to college? how am I going to pay for it? How will I get along with the people? What am I going to do when it's over? Basically the questions that everyone else asks themselves as well. It's nothing special. And I have a good feeling about it, as in the past, I hope it follows that pattern that everything will work itself out in the end.
I never really say anything about relationships because I'm too embarrassed to do so, and I don't really like reading about other people's love life anyways- why should anyone want to read about mine? But the whole confused thing goes into it. I've kind of had this philosophy about just going through high school pretty much single, or not really too serious about anything. It seems like being 17 and just learning about everything else is too young to think about things.. I have no idea what i'm trying to say. I never do. I guess it's just something new, going out with pretty much your best guy friend or whatever. That isn't a good trend for me, but hopefully things will work out fine- and yeah I just don't know what to think. I like having him there for me and he probably wouldn't want me writing about him but it's something that tears me apart. I love having my best friend to laugh with and feel comfortable, but then I think of the advice I give other people- and I just consider how I'm always saying that it's better to be single in highschool and just to enjoy yourself and your friends. But then I just contradict myself because I remember times last year when I would feel just a little lonely. This topic is always confusing and can never be defined, which is exactly why I never bothered writing about it before. It's like religion, there's morals but everything is twisted with exceptions and opinions- and that's all I will hopefully ever say about that subject again. (on here. haha. I'm a girl, go figure)
Anyways, so back to a place beyond my head.... what's really happening lately. First of all, I feel sorry for anyone in New Orleans, god knows we have hurrican scares all the time, but to actually have your city underwater? shiiiiit! In more local happenings.... I saw the Brothers Grimm on friday, it was alright. The kitty part was pretty depressing though. Sunday was the Coronets thing. I don't want to judge too soon, but it seems like the majority of the girls there might be just a little bit fake. Which isn't good because I nescasairly don't mix well with fake people. I felt sort of out of place, even though I knew quite a few people from a very long time ago. We'll see how that works out, I guess.
I'm gonna go out of town this weekend, so I'm sorry to say I won't be able to hang out with any of you guys then. (back to good ole' granbury!)
My birthday is in eleven days, (9-9) I dont know if I'm gonna do anything for it yet- defintley not anything big, but maybe like a little shindig or something. ^^ But yea, I'm gonna be seventeen- which means only 1 more year till freedom! woooo.
So yeeeeeeep that's wow.. a long entry. And annoying. And my first friends only. W O W!
This first month of school has proven to be interesting... I'm usually pretty vauge about specifics happening in my life, but right now, I don't care and I feel like I should just get it out. A kind of embarrasing fact about livejournal is that I always spend probably more time than I should picking out my mood. So that little confused face right there is pretty much the epitomy of everything I'm feeling right now... (don't worry guys, I'm not turning bi or gay or anything. har har.) I know this is a massivley hypocritical thing to say, but I miss athletics. It didn't give me a chance to whine and complain about everything else. I've been a hypocrite in more than one way lately as well. I'm really not ashamed of it though. If being a hypocrite means changing my opinions and being able to adapt to new ideas, then too fucking bad. Anyways, everything under the sun is confusing me- maybe it is all just falling apart, or maybe i'm blowing it out of porportion and being a whiny little bitch, or maybe i'm just going crazy and I don't really know what is really going on.
First off, I'm sure most of you guys know about my family situation right now, and if you don't it's pretty easy to assume. I'm not going to go into a whole lot of detail about it because it really is between my parents and I want to try to get through it with the least amount of participation as possible.
Since my friends are the people reading this, I won't really go into a whole lot of detail about you guys because it will just stir up a bunch of drama and crap that I don't need about my opinions so I'll just leave it at the fact that right now I don't know who my friends are. Like I said before, (not to sound completley cold hearted) I'm really not stressing out that much about it. Friends seem to come and go and in the end, it never seems to matter that much. I think it's the memories you share and the occasional friend that sticks by you till the very end. Everyone tries to be that friend, I try to be that person, but people just change and it just doesn't happen that often I guess. that's just life, I guess.
Then there is my education. Let's not even bother with another one of those rants/ramblings/bullshit paragraphs. I just have a lot of questions about it... like where am I going to college? how am I going to pay for it? How will I get along with the people? What am I going to do when it's over? Basically the questions that everyone else asks themselves as well. It's nothing special. And I have a good feeling about it, as in the past, I hope it follows that pattern that everything will work itself out in the end.
I never really say anything about relationships because I'm too embarrassed to do so, and I don't really like reading about other people's love life anyways- why should anyone want to read about mine? But the whole confused thing goes into it. I've kind of had this philosophy about just going through high school pretty much single, or not really too serious about anything. It seems like being 17 and just learning about everything else is too young to think about things.. I have no idea what i'm trying to say. I never do. I guess it's just something new, going out with pretty much your best guy friend or whatever. That isn't a good trend for me, but hopefully things will work out fine- and yeah I just don't know what to think. I like having him there for me and he probably wouldn't want me writing about him but it's something that tears me apart. I love having my best friend to laugh with and feel comfortable, but then I think of the advice I give other people- and I just consider how I'm always saying that it's better to be single in highschool and just to enjoy yourself and your friends. But then I just contradict myself because I remember times last year when I would feel just a little lonely. This topic is always confusing and can never be defined, which is exactly why I never bothered writing about it before. It's like religion, there's morals but everything is twisted with exceptions and opinions- and that's all I will hopefully ever say about that subject again. (on here. haha. I'm a girl, go figure)
Anyways, so back to a place beyond my head.... what's really happening lately. First of all, I feel sorry for anyone in New Orleans, god knows we have hurrican scares all the time, but to actually have your city underwater? shiiiiit! In more local happenings.... I saw the Brothers Grimm on friday, it was alright. The kitty part was pretty depressing though. Sunday was the Coronets thing. I don't want to judge too soon, but it seems like the majority of the girls there might be just a little bit fake. Which isn't good because I nescasairly don't mix well with fake people. I felt sort of out of place, even though I knew quite a few people from a very long time ago. We'll see how that works out, I guess.
I'm gonna go out of town this weekend, so I'm sorry to say I won't be able to hang out with any of you guys then. (back to good ole' granbury!)
My birthday is in eleven days, (9-9) I dont know if I'm gonna do anything for it yet- defintley not anything big, but maybe like a little shindig or something. ^^ But yea, I'm gonna be seventeen- which means only 1 more year till freedom! woooo.
So yeeeeeeep that's wow.. a long entry. And annoying. And my first friends only. W O W!