is it really so hard to be nice...
I feel so upset right now and I don’t know why. I think I just need to talk a bit. I miss dan…I miss him a lot. I got home after my mom went to sleep so I couldn’t talk to her…she worked late tonight and usually she helps me feel better when I’m upset. Sometimes I feel that it is better to have no contact with anyone so I have less of a chance of getting hurt…it just seems that it happens to me a lot.
I haven’t talked to dan since Sunday, that was when we decided to see how things would go from there…I don’t know what the hell that means because we already have been together for well over a year. Honestly I think I’m better with out him, but I don’t know if I’m lying to myself when I say so. Enough of that.
Yeah so a few months ago megan invited pete and aaron to go with her to Nebraska over break…I just thought it was going to be her. It hurt me a lot that she didn’t even ask me to come, or even probe around a bit. The whole thing made me repentant about the last time I went with her and pete. I guess it also made her bitter. See I broke up with dan the day before I set out because he was angry that I was even considering going. So the whole time I was there he called me every few hours and sent me text messages (first they were very hurtful and angry messages, he has a way with making people feel worthless). I don’t know what he was feeling but after a few days of being there, he set out on a bus to come back home with me. So I left one day early to meet him. What else could I have done? He begged me. I see now that he was just being a very selfish person and inflicted permanent memories of conflicting confusion on me. I wanted to get away from him, I missed my friends and he practically forced me to run in the first place.
Now I’m in this mess…and I don’t know what to do…it isn’t my place to go with them. But I think about it and all I would have here is someone who isn’t even sure they want to see me and a week friendless.
things are shitty...and i feel shitty
I haven’t talked to dan since Sunday, that was when we decided to see how things would go from there…I don’t know what the hell that means because we already have been together for well over a year. Honestly I think I’m better with out him, but I don’t know if I’m lying to myself when I say so. Enough of that.
Yeah so a few months ago megan invited pete and aaron to go with her to Nebraska over break…I just thought it was going to be her. It hurt me a lot that she didn’t even ask me to come, or even probe around a bit. The whole thing made me repentant about the last time I went with her and pete. I guess it also made her bitter. See I broke up with dan the day before I set out because he was angry that I was even considering going. So the whole time I was there he called me every few hours and sent me text messages (first they were very hurtful and angry messages, he has a way with making people feel worthless). I don’t know what he was feeling but after a few days of being there, he set out on a bus to come back home with me. So I left one day early to meet him. What else could I have done? He begged me. I see now that he was just being a very selfish person and inflicted permanent memories of conflicting confusion on me. I wanted to get away from him, I missed my friends and he practically forced me to run in the first place.
Now I’m in this mess…and I don’t know what to do…it isn’t my place to go with them. But I think about it and all I would have here is someone who isn’t even sure they want to see me and a week friendless.
things are shitty...and i feel shitty