Only In My Dreams
Have you ever loved someone? But in the same breath you really didn’t like them much as a person? How does that work? How is that even possible? If you don’t respect somebody, how can you love them? If you get annoyed and wanna throw things at them (lol), where’s the love? Where the HeLL is it coming from?
Today was alright. I’ve been sick and stuff. And yeah… I don’t wanna talk about it. I did read Shakespeare aloud in Imaginative Lit. The teacher (Bonehead), was like, “I should’ve picked you to read before, you’re really very good with it.” Yay. And I made my American Studies teacher stick his foot in his mouth, it was great. French was good, I love how the professor actually treats me with respect and looks into my eyes a lot. I love eye contact when I’m trying to learn something. Especially French history. It actually interests me! And I HATE history.
Tomorrow I have surgery. 6 Wisdom teeth, ouch… … Yea, I’m not afraid of the pain, it’s the numbness that scares me. I’ve had too many bad experiences, and I hate that ‘out of control’ feeling…because it comes with no choice. If I didn’t have such a small mouth, if I wasn’t so damn tiny it wouldn’t be a problem. Lol. I’m a little nervous. But I think the worst of it will be the fact that my grandmother will be there along with my Aunt Diane. And if it’s ANYTHING like thanksgiving, with the attitudes and remarks… if I’m not completely able-minded I’m bound to open my mouth. Until AFTER the surgery of course, then I’ll probably just cry because I want to say something and there’ll be gozz in my mouth. Ick. I’ll be bleeding for a long time they said…And I’ll have fucking stitches in my mouth, and not even the dissolvey-wonderful kind. *Huff* At least I get gas. I told them not to stick the needle in me till I felt the effects of the gas. Thank the lawd…!
I fucking hate guys. I hate men in general. Some are okay… But UGH! And I hate that someone I once loved, may only love me because she wants everybody to love her, and that’s the way she goes about it. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Man, fuck her. It was never real.
On another note.
I wrote a poem today…
...~*Only In My Dreams*~...
You came to me last night but in a dream/
My hands could not touch what it was for they reached/
Your visage wrenched my heart in two to leave me weak/
My mouth opened but words could not be found to speak/
Afraid was I to breathe for snuffing out your fragile presence/
I simply gazed upon your beauty with sore eyes, though merely seconds/
You would smile and just that moment I’d soar through the heavens/
You would lean in, your nearness relentless to calling my poor senses/
Every night you’ve come to torture me with bliss/
Come so close to me without being able to kiss/
By light you’ve gone and I’m left feeling miffed/
As if the butterflies and crazy things didn’t exist/
Encumbered by desire, for what I had not/
Tears down my cheeks seemed to never stop/
With every sunrise you disappeared, my heart took a steeper drop/
Into the pits of despair, where I’ve often vanquished it to rot/
But as soon as the sky darkens and the sun sets/
I’m blessed when you come back, as if you never left/
My heart is at home with you, content just hearing your breath/
I’m free from the bonds of life and death, because our love’s great depth/
I can defeat any monster, any obstacle with you there/
I could swim the ocean, fly to Pluto and back if I dared/
Because I know you care for me, you love me and nothing compares/
To the way you hold me inside, the way you make my world easier to bear/
Never in my wildest imaginings/
Did I expect to find this kind of hope/
With time and a little patience, perseverance/
I’ll find my way to your heart, and my home/
One day, one day…apart from my dreams/
Waiting for our forever will not be just a fantasy/
You’ll come for me, I’ll come for you/
I only pray that my love will be enough for you…/
To my dearest and deepest love. My best is what I give, and my all is what I have to lose.
Today was alright. I’ve been sick and stuff. And yeah… I don’t wanna talk about it. I did read Shakespeare aloud in Imaginative Lit. The teacher (Bonehead), was like, “I should’ve picked you to read before, you’re really very good with it.” Yay. And I made my American Studies teacher stick his foot in his mouth, it was great. French was good, I love how the professor actually treats me with respect and looks into my eyes a lot. I love eye contact when I’m trying to learn something. Especially French history. It actually interests me! And I HATE history.
Tomorrow I have surgery. 6 Wisdom teeth, ouch… … Yea, I’m not afraid of the pain, it’s the numbness that scares me. I’ve had too many bad experiences, and I hate that ‘out of control’ feeling…because it comes with no choice. If I didn’t have such a small mouth, if I wasn’t so damn tiny it wouldn’t be a problem. Lol. I’m a little nervous. But I think the worst of it will be the fact that my grandmother will be there along with my Aunt Diane. And if it’s ANYTHING like thanksgiving, with the attitudes and remarks… if I’m not completely able-minded I’m bound to open my mouth. Until AFTER the surgery of course, then I’ll probably just cry because I want to say something and there’ll be gozz in my mouth. Ick. I’ll be bleeding for a long time they said…And I’ll have fucking stitches in my mouth, and not even the dissolvey-wonderful kind. *Huff* At least I get gas. I told them not to stick the needle in me till I felt the effects of the gas. Thank the lawd…!
I fucking hate guys. I hate men in general. Some are okay… But UGH! And I hate that someone I once loved, may only love me because she wants everybody to love her, and that’s the way she goes about it. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Man, fuck her. It was never real.
On another note.
I wrote a poem today…
...~*Only In My Dreams*~...
You came to me last night but in a dream/
My hands could not touch what it was for they reached/
Your visage wrenched my heart in two to leave me weak/
My mouth opened but words could not be found to speak/
Afraid was I to breathe for snuffing out your fragile presence/
I simply gazed upon your beauty with sore eyes, though merely seconds/
You would smile and just that moment I’d soar through the heavens/
You would lean in, your nearness relentless to calling my poor senses/
Every night you’ve come to torture me with bliss/
Come so close to me without being able to kiss/
By light you’ve gone and I’m left feeling miffed/
As if the butterflies and crazy things didn’t exist/
Encumbered by desire, for what I had not/
Tears down my cheeks seemed to never stop/
With every sunrise you disappeared, my heart took a steeper drop/
Into the pits of despair, where I’ve often vanquished it to rot/
But as soon as the sky darkens and the sun sets/
I’m blessed when you come back, as if you never left/
My heart is at home with you, content just hearing your breath/
I’m free from the bonds of life and death, because our love’s great depth/
I can defeat any monster, any obstacle with you there/
I could swim the ocean, fly to Pluto and back if I dared/
Because I know you care for me, you love me and nothing compares/
To the way you hold me inside, the way you make my world easier to bear/
Never in my wildest imaginings/
Did I expect to find this kind of hope/
With time and a little patience, perseverance/
I’ll find my way to your heart, and my home/
One day, one day…apart from my dreams/
Waiting for our forever will not be just a fantasy/
You’ll come for me, I’ll come for you/
I only pray that my love will be enough for you…/
To my dearest and deepest love. My best is what I give, and my all is what I have to lose.