Reviewed
I just got done watching Requiem For A Dream again and once again I was moved by the character's performance and emotion. It was like the whole time, you were in a place of no escape. Select motives and situations flooded your mind as you began to realize there was no escape from the world you were living in. God, I wanted to cry for them.
And now I feel like watching 21 Grams. It's sitting there waiting to be watched. Maybe I'll watch it, along with Fight Club, of course. And I'll sip my green tea like nothing else matters. I'll wish someone is here watching it with me with the same fascination.
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Yesterday I actually thought to start comptemplating on which life I wanted to choose for myself. The adventurous, daring, spontaneous, fulfilled, satisfied, and embracing life part of me wishes to indulge in. I would forget all my intended studies, take off with whatever I had and meet as many people as I could. I would love them with all I had; I would show them love. I would be selfless. I would see the world through a vagabonds eyes. I would see the world through the heart and soul of a wearied elder, one with wrinkles near the eyes from sun and smiles. I would be happy because I would flee away from materials--things created by man, which block out the real beauty of this world. But, I would have no home. No place to come to when life got harsh. I would have no permanent friends, no love of my own.
On the other hand, there was another life. One filled with select individuals whom I chose to share life with. A husband, children, family, friends. Objects that I would show scanty gratitude towards, such as a car, money, wealth, close, a house, etc--things which I hate to say I take for granted. I would have safety and security. There would be no fear in living the world because I would always have a back up plan. I would always be comfortable. There would always be a scheduled plan for the week, a steady job. I would have a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and a Christmas tree and lights for Christmas. I would have it all. Too bad all isnt that for me.
I have time, but for some reason... those thoughts were draining my mind. I felt like I needed to make a decision.
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I've been persisting, it seems, to have a relationship with this one person. I have tried to talk to him but I get nothing in return. Maybe I'm not trying enough, or maybe I missed something. Maybe we're never meant to be friends. But all I want to do is embrace some part of life with him. All I want is to partake in some common interests with him. I want nothing more than a valid and enjoyable conversation over green tea or coffee in the slums of hollywood. I want to learn from him and I want to show him what I know. God, somehow I still feel so...select; I'm sure there are so many other people out there that I could do these things with. Then why do I feel so bad that I can't pick this person? Why is my heard and my mind so solely fixated on this person? Am I blinded to the rest? I don't know.
My hope is to discover new people this year. Don't hide from me.
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