(no subject)
Today sucked. just horrible I hate it so bad... I can honestly say it was one of the worst days of my life.
Kso, my mom called me and told that I can't come home. She doesn't want me going to newark because it's a bad school and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I was near hysterical, I was hysterical. It was one of thoses things where I realized that nothing I said would change her mind and I really flipped.
It's weird. It's happened before. Sometimes when I realize that I have no control over something I just, freak. Usually something important enough to my life that I feel I should have control over it. I don't know. I was really upset. I get like, claustrophobic all of a sudden, and I can't breathe and I was so upset that I all I wanted to do was go home and just lie dowm in my own bed and that was the only thing I couldn't do was just... too much.
I talked to the assistant dorm mother and the dean of students came over, I was still really upset, and I talked to them.
And I didn't say what happened on Friday yet. So me, Roxy and Geneva were going to go to a footbll game Geneva's being all moody and crap and she says "I look like crap I'm not going" and storms off into her room. So Roxy goes to talk to her and I go back to my room. And then I hear Geneva yelling about ...me. She didn't want to go to the game because I was going to be there and it was just like... whoa. I'd never done anything but be nice to her. And some of the things she was saying about me were just.. ugh I was so upset. So i go down there as son and I said "It's okay you can go, I'm not going." and I slam the door really hard and I felt a little better even thought I wanted to break alot of things. I was really upset because, I thought she'd been my friend and now I just don't want to see her anymore. And there just aren't enough people here. If I'm avoiding her, there's no one else for me to go to, because they're all aorund her. And I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. But it sucks.
What really made me mad was that th other day McKenzie told me that Geneva was mad because I didn't say sorry. And I was like, WTF? I never did anything wrong, AND I don't want to was sorry to her fat ass after what she said about me. So yeah...
BUT ANYWAY. I was talking to the assistant dorm mother and dean of students people and I don't really know whats going to happen. They said that they hadn't really had anyone that was so unhappy here before. I think that the understood that this wasn't the right place for me though so I dunno. I might come home soon I might not. Parent's weeken is the 14th and I'll be able to talk to me mom then.
Good I hate this. I really don't want to quit horseback riding. I've dreamed about horsese ever night since I got here. It's s weird. But I can't stay here. I really don't know. I feel like I'm back where I started. Back at the first entry of my old journal where I'm wondering what I want to do with th rest of my life. And this probably won't be the last time I feel this way. I just don't know. But I'm really tired. And nobody reads lj's anymore anyway.
<3
Kso, my mom called me and told that I can't come home. She doesn't want me going to newark because it's a bad school and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I was near hysterical, I was hysterical. It was one of thoses things where I realized that nothing I said would change her mind and I really flipped.
It's weird. It's happened before. Sometimes when I realize that I have no control over something I just, freak. Usually something important enough to my life that I feel I should have control over it. I don't know. I was really upset. I get like, claustrophobic all of a sudden, and I can't breathe and I was so upset that I all I wanted to do was go home and just lie dowm in my own bed and that was the only thing I couldn't do was just... too much.
I talked to the assistant dorm mother and the dean of students came over, I was still really upset, and I talked to them.
And I didn't say what happened on Friday yet. So me, Roxy and Geneva were going to go to a footbll game Geneva's being all moody and crap and she says "I look like crap I'm not going" and storms off into her room. So Roxy goes to talk to her and I go back to my room. And then I hear Geneva yelling about ...me. She didn't want to go to the game because I was going to be there and it was just like... whoa. I'd never done anything but be nice to her. And some of the things she was saying about me were just.. ugh I was so upset. So i go down there as son and I said "It's okay you can go, I'm not going." and I slam the door really hard and I felt a little better even thought I wanted to break alot of things. I was really upset because, I thought she'd been my friend and now I just don't want to see her anymore. And there just aren't enough people here. If I'm avoiding her, there's no one else for me to go to, because they're all aorund her. And I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say. But it sucks.
What really made me mad was that th other day McKenzie told me that Geneva was mad because I didn't say sorry. And I was like, WTF? I never did anything wrong, AND I don't want to was sorry to her fat ass after what she said about me. So yeah...
BUT ANYWAY. I was talking to the assistant dorm mother and dean of students people and I don't really know whats going to happen. They said that they hadn't really had anyone that was so unhappy here before. I think that the understood that this wasn't the right place for me though so I dunno. I might come home soon I might not. Parent's weeken is the 14th and I'll be able to talk to me mom then.
Good I hate this. I really don't want to quit horseback riding. I've dreamed about horsese ever night since I got here. It's s weird. But I can't stay here. I really don't know. I feel like I'm back where I started. Back at the first entry of my old journal where I'm wondering what I want to do with th rest of my life. And this probably won't be the last time I feel this way. I just don't know. But I'm really tired. And nobody reads lj's anymore anyway.
<3