(no subject)
ooo i haven't written in livejournal in forever.
but i know i should because it is the chronicles of my life.
esp. right now at college because eventually i would like to look back on these entries and be like "wow i remember that".
I did that with my old livejournal a while ago, I read about my trip to Germany and about Mat and Kefka and Jordan and all of my ex's and how immature but emotional I was.
God I miss that.
Now, I sort of just feel like I'm waiting for something. I can't really explain it though. I just keep thinking of how things were or how I was and comparing it to myself now. I feel so comfortable with me right now, It's just so insane and after years of not liking myself and having low self esteem and feeling like I always needed to impress people, I'm just finally content when I look in the mirror.
I wish everyone could feel that way, it took me forever.
I'm leaving to Arizona next semester. I should so going, leaving sounds like I'm not coming back, but I am. I think.
Ethnographic Field School hell yeah. For the whole semester, in historic mile-high Prescott. How quaint.
I can't say that I'm not excited, because I know I'll value this in years to come. I don't want to leave everyone though, I'm going to miss all of my friends at state and my parents terribly, and I get choked up thinking about this stage of life where I won't have a substantial "home" to come back to.
I guess that's all a part of growing up right?
I'm at this stage where I don't know if I want to go into Cultural Anthropology or Archaeology. I'm thinking about taking a 4-week Study Abroad program in England for Archaeology, I really want to study the Iron Age (and see fucking STONEHENGE MY GOD!).
I think it will all work itself out.
And I'm having trouble meeting people again. Being single seems so easy just to get back into. I just miss having someone to cuddle with at night though. But god I sure do have a lot less stress to handle now, and a lot less aggression.
I just have this thing where anytime some one hits on me I automatically think they're trying to get into my pants so I'm a bitch to them and I just walk away even though I always complain about not having anybody even though I don't want a relationship and it's all quite jumbled up at the moment!
And I wish I wasn't so angry about people still being friends with Shay. It just pisses me off because I can't believe how anyone could forgive her after what she did (oh don't worry, Logan is completely out of the picture), and just act like she didn't completely fuck me over.
But then I realize that there's a limited amount of cool people in Shelby Township and that there's shit else to do. I almost feel sorry for all my friends that still live there, because the more I stay in East Lansing the more I realize what an uneventuful, fucked up, boring suburban town shelby twp is.
I just hope to go that I don't ever live there again. I would much rather live in Warren with my dad, not that I don't love my mom, but at least shit happens there, and if not, there's always Royal Oak or Detroit.
But now I'm in East Lansing and I love it here, I love all of the people and I love all of the experiences I'm having.
It's only going to get better from here.
but i know i should because it is the chronicles of my life.
esp. right now at college because eventually i would like to look back on these entries and be like "wow i remember that".
I did that with my old livejournal a while ago, I read about my trip to Germany and about Mat and Kefka and Jordan and all of my ex's and how immature but emotional I was.
God I miss that.
Now, I sort of just feel like I'm waiting for something. I can't really explain it though. I just keep thinking of how things were or how I was and comparing it to myself now. I feel so comfortable with me right now, It's just so insane and after years of not liking myself and having low self esteem and feeling like I always needed to impress people, I'm just finally content when I look in the mirror.
I wish everyone could feel that way, it took me forever.
I'm leaving to Arizona next semester. I should so going, leaving sounds like I'm not coming back, but I am. I think.
Ethnographic Field School hell yeah. For the whole semester, in historic mile-high Prescott. How quaint.
I can't say that I'm not excited, because I know I'll value this in years to come. I don't want to leave everyone though, I'm going to miss all of my friends at state and my parents terribly, and I get choked up thinking about this stage of life where I won't have a substantial "home" to come back to.
I guess that's all a part of growing up right?
I'm at this stage where I don't know if I want to go into Cultural Anthropology or Archaeology. I'm thinking about taking a 4-week Study Abroad program in England for Archaeology, I really want to study the Iron Age (and see fucking STONEHENGE MY GOD!).
I think it will all work itself out.
And I'm having trouble meeting people again. Being single seems so easy just to get back into. I just miss having someone to cuddle with at night though. But god I sure do have a lot less stress to handle now, and a lot less aggression.
I just have this thing where anytime some one hits on me I automatically think they're trying to get into my pants so I'm a bitch to them and I just walk away even though I always complain about not having anybody even though I don't want a relationship and it's all quite jumbled up at the moment!
And I wish I wasn't so angry about people still being friends with Shay. It just pisses me off because I can't believe how anyone could forgive her after what she did (oh don't worry, Logan is completely out of the picture), and just act like she didn't completely fuck me over.
But then I realize that there's a limited amount of cool people in Shelby Township and that there's shit else to do. I almost feel sorry for all my friends that still live there, because the more I stay in East Lansing the more I realize what an uneventuful, fucked up, boring suburban town shelby twp is.
I just hope to go that I don't ever live there again. I would much rather live in Warren with my dad, not that I don't love my mom, but at least shit happens there, and if not, there's always Royal Oak or Detroit.
But now I'm in East Lansing and I love it here, I love all of the people and I love all of the experiences I'm having.
It's only going to get better from here.