new year, same story.
I looked at myself in the mirrior last weekend before I went to meet everyone for the moongoons honeymoon V at first ave. I thought, this is exactly who I want to be. I had my favorite red dress on, my new zip up from mike, boots, and my new purse. I thought, sure mike broke you a little, but aaron might show up and you've always liked him right? Mike was still all I thought about that night. I got completely too drunk to even understand what I was doing. Was I really moving from one guy straight to the next, it was as if all these guys were waiting in line. But its not like, they line up to be with me, it feels more like they line up to each take their shot at hurting me. It was like, who could hurt Mady the most. Who could stay locked in her mind for more than a week, who could make her forget Alex, who could nail her, who could make her write all her stupid entries about them. Its all just too much like a big fucking game. That's exactly what I was to you too.
Kudos Mike you win. That's what I'll let you think at least, maybe someday you'll realize you actually lost out on something. But still you other boys, I'm so ashamed I called you a friend and the other, a best friend. I'm ashamed I spent time picking you up, helping you out, making you food, being there for you in general. The boys I've spent a lot of time with the last month, have had more drama than I've had the last 6 months with girls. Also, thank you for judging me for doing the SAME things you do! Do you or do you not go from girl to girl mike? And andrew have you never had a drunk mistake fuck or have someone you just can't get over? And ryan, I honestly do not have anything bad to say about you, because so I thought, we had no beef, we had one fuck up that should be completely in the past I don't understand what I could've done to make you hate me.
So here I am, its almost 6am New Year's Day and I'm staring in the mirrior again. The girl I saw before, in her stupid matching outfit, and all the friends, and the "sweet" guy she couldn't make leave her mind. The one that was happy. She's gone. You've destroyed her. You ripped me apart from the inside out. I just left your house after hearing you talk shit about me from the other room, to find that it was not ryan who doesn't want me in the house, it was mike and andrew, the ones I trusted. You legitimately cannot trust anyone. All you've got is yourself at the end of the night..
This whole entry, is the lame pathetic sucker story of my life. I always finish last. I always get stepped on. I'm always the nice one that will go out of my way for you, and then you'll hurt me the most. You'll lie to me and be two faced and I'll still come pick you up.
Goodfuckingnight. Happy new year! Woo!
tell me how come
no one gets what they really want
and love only when its convenient?
we act like we know more than we know
we treat love like its something you own
but maybe I'll find you
maybe I'll find something I love
Kudos Mike you win. That's what I'll let you think at least, maybe someday you'll realize you actually lost out on something. But still you other boys, I'm so ashamed I called you a friend and the other, a best friend. I'm ashamed I spent time picking you up, helping you out, making you food, being there for you in general. The boys I've spent a lot of time with the last month, have had more drama than I've had the last 6 months with girls. Also, thank you for judging me for doing the SAME things you do! Do you or do you not go from girl to girl mike? And andrew have you never had a drunk mistake fuck or have someone you just can't get over? And ryan, I honestly do not have anything bad to say about you, because so I thought, we had no beef, we had one fuck up that should be completely in the past I don't understand what I could've done to make you hate me.
So here I am, its almost 6am New Year's Day and I'm staring in the mirrior again. The girl I saw before, in her stupid matching outfit, and all the friends, and the "sweet" guy she couldn't make leave her mind. The one that was happy. She's gone. You've destroyed her. You ripped me apart from the inside out. I just left your house after hearing you talk shit about me from the other room, to find that it was not ryan who doesn't want me in the house, it was mike and andrew, the ones I trusted. You legitimately cannot trust anyone. All you've got is yourself at the end of the night..
This whole entry, is the lame pathetic sucker story of my life. I always finish last. I always get stepped on. I'm always the nice one that will go out of my way for you, and then you'll hurt me the most. You'll lie to me and be two faced and I'll still come pick you up.
Goodfuckingnight. Happy new year! Woo!
tell me how come
no one gets what they really want
and love only when its convenient?
we act like we know more than we know
we treat love like its something you own
but maybe I'll find you
maybe I'll find something I love