lonnnnng long entry.
The hardest part of letting go is when they've found someone else. I wonder, will she ever replace me? How replacable am I?
I just finally took off my 11:11 bracelet. It wasn't how its been in the past.. A fit of anger, chucking it in his face. I slid it off and set it on the shelf, stared for a minute and realized if I didn't pick up a pen and paper I'd cry.
I really honestly always hope that you'll be happy, and that part of me never leaves your heart. We've gone through so much together. You've been there through my happiest and saddest times. You saved me. I'm so thankful your optimism carried me the times I couldn't carry myself.
Now I'm laying on my floor with a candle and a playlist titled 'let go' in my ears. I'm just taking it all in. Thinking. Remembering. Missing. Hoping this was the right thing.
There's nothing harder than letting go. Rather it's death, or miles, or change that's taken them from you, it's all hard.
He's in love with tragedy.
She was a wreck, but he loved her.
She was a wreck, but so was he.
And the last time he saw her he didn't know what to say but thank you because you loved me, it's all on me, cuz I didn't want to stay...
Live, live, live because you love, love love.
& love will make you give, give, give
& give in when you break, break, break
but you just want to fix yourself
just to break again.
I could die to that song. I'm getting it tatooed, hopefully next month. They're the most inspirational lyrics to me personally, that I've ever heard. Growing up, my mom always tried, and gave so much of herself to make my dad happy untill she finally could not give anymore. She then moved right from one alcoholic to another and gave and gave for years, did everything for Guy, that was his name, I'll never forget him. I'll never forget how he took her for granted day in and day out.. And would curse her out and make her cry infront of us. I never thought she'd have the strength to leave, he could also make her so happy when things were good, I could see it in her eyes how much she loved him anyways, despite everything he did wrong. Then when he got so drunk and fell down the stairs and almost died, waking my little sister.. That was it.. And he was gone, I never saw him again. The reason I'm going into all of this, is because I've only grown up to make the same mistakes. To give, give, give myself trying to force the one that I love, to love me and I just end up giving untill I break.. Because at some point there's just nothing more you can give of yourself.. Because they'll never change.. but then I go ahead, just like my mom, and do it all over again. Its an endless cycle. I've never known anything different.
Tomorrow might be one of the biggest days of my life...
I just finally took off my 11:11 bracelet. It wasn't how its been in the past.. A fit of anger, chucking it in his face. I slid it off and set it on the shelf, stared for a minute and realized if I didn't pick up a pen and paper I'd cry.
I really honestly always hope that you'll be happy, and that part of me never leaves your heart. We've gone through so much together. You've been there through my happiest and saddest times. You saved me. I'm so thankful your optimism carried me the times I couldn't carry myself.
Now I'm laying on my floor with a candle and a playlist titled 'let go' in my ears. I'm just taking it all in. Thinking. Remembering. Missing. Hoping this was the right thing.
There's nothing harder than letting go. Rather it's death, or miles, or change that's taken them from you, it's all hard.
He's in love with tragedy.
She was a wreck, but he loved her.
She was a wreck, but so was he.
And the last time he saw her he didn't know what to say but thank you because you loved me, it's all on me, cuz I didn't want to stay...
Live, live, live because you love, love love.
& love will make you give, give, give
& give in when you break, break, break
but you just want to fix yourself
just to break again.
I could die to that song. I'm getting it tatooed, hopefully next month. They're the most inspirational lyrics to me personally, that I've ever heard. Growing up, my mom always tried, and gave so much of herself to make my dad happy untill she finally could not give anymore. She then moved right from one alcoholic to another and gave and gave for years, did everything for Guy, that was his name, I'll never forget him. I'll never forget how he took her for granted day in and day out.. And would curse her out and make her cry infront of us. I never thought she'd have the strength to leave, he could also make her so happy when things were good, I could see it in her eyes how much she loved him anyways, despite everything he did wrong. Then when he got so drunk and fell down the stairs and almost died, waking my little sister.. That was it.. And he was gone, I never saw him again. The reason I'm going into all of this, is because I've only grown up to make the same mistakes. To give, give, give myself trying to force the one that I love, to love me and I just end up giving untill I break.. Because at some point there's just nothing more you can give of yourself.. Because they'll never change.. but then I go ahead, just like my mom, and do it all over again. Its an endless cycle. I've never known anything different.
Tomorrow might be one of the biggest days of my life...