lost.
hmm...
well im lost..like mentally. i dont know who i am. like i know who i am lol i just am having a hard time right now. like idk. i know i say i odnt care what people say about me, but the truth is as much as i dont wanna ddmit it, i do care what people think. i hate caring what people think. nick helped me realize its less stressful not caring but i still care. idk...im so confused about life right now. i really wish i could be more like erika or whatever. she is seriously one of my idols i guess well i look up to her because she doesnt give a fuck what ppl say. shes fucken awesome. when im around her i dont care what people say. when im not around her, i care what people say. i fucken hate it.
recently i was called a fake, which really pisses me off because i know im not. im supposidly a fake because i am a prep but yet i 'did something' i talked to nick about it and he goes i know tons of preps that do that. and he told me that a persons image dosnt reflect who they are on the inside. jesus nick is so smart. so is rachel. idk sometimes WTF DUDE. idk. i dont know who i am i dont know if im a prep, a punk goth whatever, im seriously lost and i need to find myself. im starting to go 'punk' i guess not punk or whatever but then once i start to find myself, i always end up loosing someone else and they tell me im stupid or something and that doesnt help me.
every remark made to me, helps me decide who i am, who i am gonna be, and how my actions toward you are. if someone calls me fucken retarded or something, i dk i feel like i am because once again, i care what people think. i dont know why, everyone tells me not to care because its less stressful and shit...there are so many people i want to be like. i feel sometimes my personality just sucks and maybe i dont fit in. but then again, i have the bestest times with my friends, which makes me feel the complete opposite. i just need to find myself because now that im thinking about it, im loosing friends right and left. ever since i started hanging out with erika, i lost so many friends because they dont like her and they thinkim gonna change, which i have. i know ive changed, i think its for the better, and some for the worst. i know ive become more independent now that im around erika. but also ive done many things i regret as well. idk i need help because i cant take this anymore. :\idk it seem whenever i look in the mirror, i hate the person staring back. whenever someone 'disses' me, i start believing what they say.
comment please.
{edit:3-25}
well now that i have been reading comments, i realized,
i need to be my own person. i need to stop following, it
isnt gonna get me anywhere just following people. on the
outisde, im this preppy little innocent girl. on the inside,
im loud, outgoing and always looking to have fun. im a bitch, i know
that. i dont know why people waste there time calling me that.
the 'game of life' is a never ending cycle. people make fun of people
when there not perfect either. thats what i need to stop doing. its stupid making fun of people
just to get pleasure from there pain. people cant help the way they are, or the way
they look. im sure they hate things about themselves that we make fun of them for.
that really doesnt help them. that just decreases there
self confidence. something that i would hate if it happened to me,
but yet i do it to people all the time. so basically, im just being
a hypocrite. i know life would be so much easier, if you could just laugh
at yourself, and not care what people think. i know, i know, i care what ppl think
only because i try way to hard to fit in sometimes.i HATE being hated. thats why i
care what ppl think bc i try fitting the other persons needs, not mine. i think of
everyone before myself. idk if thats a good or bad thing. the whole nick thing, yea i admit
i was being selfish, i wanted nick for myself. and i didnt think of how he felt. yea, i
admit, i can be a fake. i was being fake because i was trying to be sum1 im not to fit in.
well now im gonna be myself. like it or not. im going to STOP caring. if u dont like me,
then that will be ur problem. im not gonna change myself for other people anymore. it
just isnt worth it anymore. so, you can either be my friend or not. this will just prove to me
who my true friends are for sticking by my side and being there for me. if you dont like me,
i really dont care. no one is perfect. people need to realize that. people cant help the way they are.
there may have been something that happened in there past that made them like the way they are.
now that im finding myself, im becomming happier, because i dont like trying
to be someone im not, just so other people can like me. im sure a lot more
people would have liked me if i was myself in the first place. i apologize.
yea i was bored o i did a survery thing
* section 1 - about mee... *
+ Known as: Kristina
+ Lives in: Michigan.
+ Birthday: 12-21-89
+ School: LCHSN
+ Religion: Catholic
+ Shoe size: 8.5
+ Hair color: brown
+ Eye color: hazel
* section 2 - have you ever... *
+ Cheated on someone?: no
+ Been Cheated on?: yes
+ Fallen off the bed?: yes
+ Had your heart broken?: pleenty of times...
+ Had a dream come true?: yes
+ Done something you regret?: plenty of things.
+ Cheated on a test?: yes
* section 3 - currently *
+ Wearing?: long t-shirt + shorts
+ Listening to?: a static lullaby
+ Located?: my bedroom :D
+ Chatting with?: nicole, john, matt, and dee
+ Watching?: the comp screen :P
+ Should REALLY be doing? at erikas,
* section 4 - do you... *
+ Brush your teeth?: uhh yea
+ Have any piercings?: 6
+ Drive?: i have before
+ Drink?: i have before
+ Smoke?: ...:/
+ Got a cell?: yes
* section 5 - the last person you... *
+ Hugged?: mike
+ IMed?: nick
+ Talked on the phone: erika
+ Yelled at?: my mom
* section 6 - personal *
+ What do you want to be when you grow up?: orthadontist
+ What has been the best day of your life?: dont member
+ What comes first in your life?: friends.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: crushin.
+ What are you most scared of : rejection
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: life.
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: once.
+ Love your family?: not my brother. he can die for all i care
+ Love your friends?: yes.
+ Are you a virgin?: yes.
* section 7 - favorite *
+ Movie: uhh the notebook
+ Song: the shooting star that destroyed us - a static lullaby
+ Band: a static lullaby, the used, mcr
+ Store: pac sun
+ Relative: dont have one.
+ Day of the Week: friday
+ Time: night
+ Color: red
+ Name for a Girl: alexa
+ Name for a Boy: brandon or chandler. idk?
* section 8 - do you *
+ Like to give hugs?: yes
+ Like to give kisses?: yes :]
+ Like to walk in the rain?: nope i hate getting my hair wet
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: blue
+ Like to travel?: yes
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: side
+ Have a goldfish?: no but i have fish.
+ Ever have the falling dream?: yes.
+ Have stuffed animals?: yes.
* section 9 - what do you think about... *
+ Abortion: depends on the situation
+ Smoking: its ur choice
+ Summer: cool.
+ Tattoos: they can be cute.
+ Piercings: hott. :]
* section 10 - this or that *
+ Pierced nose or tongue?: tounge
+ Single or taken? taken
+ MTV or BET?: MTV
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: 7th Heaven
+ Sugar or salt?: sugar
+ Silver or gold?: silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: chocolate
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: depends.
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: m&ms!!!!!
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: stay up late
+ Hot or cold?: hot
+ Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: spring
+ Happy or sad?: happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: amazement
+ Pepsi or Coke?: P to the epsi
well im lost..like mentally. i dont know who i am. like i know who i am lol i just am having a hard time right now. like idk. i know i say i odnt care what people say about me, but the truth is as much as i dont wanna ddmit it, i do care what people think. i hate caring what people think. nick helped me realize its less stressful not caring but i still care. idk...im so confused about life right now. i really wish i could be more like erika or whatever. she is seriously one of my idols i guess well i look up to her because she doesnt give a fuck what ppl say. shes fucken awesome. when im around her i dont care what people say. when im not around her, i care what people say. i fucken hate it.
recently i was called a fake, which really pisses me off because i know im not. im supposidly a fake because i am a prep but yet i 'did something' i talked to nick about it and he goes i know tons of preps that do that. and he told me that a persons image dosnt reflect who they are on the inside. jesus nick is so smart. so is rachel. idk sometimes WTF DUDE. idk. i dont know who i am i dont know if im a prep, a punk goth whatever, im seriously lost and i need to find myself. im starting to go 'punk' i guess not punk or whatever but then once i start to find myself, i always end up loosing someone else and they tell me im stupid or something and that doesnt help me.
every remark made to me, helps me decide who i am, who i am gonna be, and how my actions toward you are. if someone calls me fucken retarded or something, i dk i feel like i am because once again, i care what people think. i dont know why, everyone tells me not to care because its less stressful and shit...there are so many people i want to be like. i feel sometimes my personality just sucks and maybe i dont fit in. but then again, i have the bestest times with my friends, which makes me feel the complete opposite. i just need to find myself because now that im thinking about it, im loosing friends right and left. ever since i started hanging out with erika, i lost so many friends because they dont like her and they thinkim gonna change, which i have. i know ive changed, i think its for the better, and some for the worst. i know ive become more independent now that im around erika. but also ive done many things i regret as well. idk i need help because i cant take this anymore. :\idk it seem whenever i look in the mirror, i hate the person staring back. whenever someone 'disses' me, i start believing what they say.
comment please.
{edit:3-25}
well now that i have been reading comments, i realized,
i need to be my own person. i need to stop following, it
isnt gonna get me anywhere just following people. on the
outisde, im this preppy little innocent girl. on the inside,
im loud, outgoing and always looking to have fun. im a bitch, i know
that. i dont know why people waste there time calling me that.
the 'game of life' is a never ending cycle. people make fun of people
when there not perfect either. thats what i need to stop doing. its stupid making fun of people
just to get pleasure from there pain. people cant help the way they are, or the way
they look. im sure they hate things about themselves that we make fun of them for.
that really doesnt help them. that just decreases there
self confidence. something that i would hate if it happened to me,
but yet i do it to people all the time. so basically, im just being
a hypocrite. i know life would be so much easier, if you could just laugh
at yourself, and not care what people think. i know, i know, i care what ppl think
only because i try way to hard to fit in sometimes.i HATE being hated. thats why i
care what ppl think bc i try fitting the other persons needs, not mine. i think of
everyone before myself. idk if thats a good or bad thing. the whole nick thing, yea i admit
i was being selfish, i wanted nick for myself. and i didnt think of how he felt. yea, i
admit, i can be a fake. i was being fake because i was trying to be sum1 im not to fit in.
well now im gonna be myself. like it or not. im going to STOP caring. if u dont like me,
then that will be ur problem. im not gonna change myself for other people anymore. it
just isnt worth it anymore. so, you can either be my friend or not. this will just prove to me
who my true friends are for sticking by my side and being there for me. if you dont like me,
i really dont care. no one is perfect. people need to realize that. people cant help the way they are.
there may have been something that happened in there past that made them like the way they are.
now that im finding myself, im becomming happier, because i dont like trying
to be someone im not, just so other people can like me. im sure a lot more
people would have liked me if i was myself in the first place. i apologize.
yea i was bored o i did a survery thing
* section 1 - about mee... *
+ Known as: Kristina
+ Lives in: Michigan.
+ Birthday: 12-21-89
+ School: LCHSN
+ Religion: Catholic
+ Shoe size: 8.5
+ Hair color: brown
+ Eye color: hazel
* section 2 - have you ever... *
+ Cheated on someone?: no
+ Been Cheated on?: yes
+ Fallen off the bed?: yes
+ Had your heart broken?: pleenty of times...
+ Had a dream come true?: yes
+ Done something you regret?: plenty of things.
+ Cheated on a test?: yes
* section 3 - currently *
+ Wearing?: long t-shirt + shorts
+ Listening to?: a static lullaby
+ Located?: my bedroom :D
+ Chatting with?: nicole, john, matt, and dee
+ Watching?: the comp screen :P
+ Should REALLY be doing? at erikas,
* section 4 - do you... *
+ Brush your teeth?: uhh yea
+ Have any piercings?: 6
+ Drive?: i have before
+ Drink?: i have before
+ Smoke?: ...:/
+ Got a cell?: yes
* section 5 - the last person you... *
+ Hugged?: mike
+ IMed?: nick
+ Talked on the phone: erika
+ Yelled at?: my mom
* section 6 - personal *
+ What do you want to be when you grow up?: orthadontist
+ What has been the best day of your life?: dont member
+ What comes first in your life?: friends.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: crushin.
+ What are you most scared of : rejection
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: life.
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: once.
+ Love your family?: not my brother. he can die for all i care
+ Love your friends?: yes.
+ Are you a virgin?: yes.
* section 7 - favorite *
+ Movie: uhh the notebook
+ Song: the shooting star that destroyed us - a static lullaby
+ Band: a static lullaby, the used, mcr
+ Store: pac sun
+ Relative: dont have one.
+ Day of the Week: friday
+ Time: night
+ Color: red
+ Name for a Girl: alexa
+ Name for a Boy: brandon or chandler. idk?
* section 8 - do you *
+ Like to give hugs?: yes
+ Like to give kisses?: yes :]
+ Like to walk in the rain?: nope i hate getting my hair wet
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: blue
+ Like to travel?: yes
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: side
+ Have a goldfish?: no but i have fish.
+ Ever have the falling dream?: yes.
+ Have stuffed animals?: yes.
* section 9 - what do you think about... *
+ Abortion: depends on the situation
+ Smoking: its ur choice
+ Summer: cool.
+ Tattoos: they can be cute.
+ Piercings: hott. :]
* section 10 - this or that *
+ Pierced nose or tongue?: tounge
+ Single or taken? taken
+ MTV or BET?: MTV
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: 7th Heaven
+ Sugar or salt?: sugar
+ Silver or gold?: silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: chocolate
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: depends.
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: m&ms!!!!!
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: stay up late
+ Hot or cold?: hot
+ Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: spring
+ Happy or sad?: happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: amazement
+ Pepsi or Coke?: P to the epsi