(no subject)
posting here is cathartic, no one will read this and i'll still be able to get it out
i miss matt every day. not a day goes by that i dont think of him or how much i regret leaving my friends from home behind, how many memories i couldve had if i wasnt wrapped up in boston. how many more moments i couldve had with him before he left. the day i was driving to hampton beach with diana traci anna and liz and i saw a motorcycle accident. i froze up. i couldnt move. then i started to shake and tears rolled down my face. i didnt expect it. i was caught off guard. i cant stop thinking about you, or how unfair everything is and how no one deserves it, but especially you. you were this ray in all of our lives. i remember once we were at the buddah,you had showed michael and i a trick you did with a beer bottle and a penny, shannon and i struggled doing it. youre the only one who got it, maybe the last time i spent with you before august. it was probably in july or june, something like that. i had teased you for liking nickleback which is stupid and snobby and childish but the way you reacted i will always remember so freshly, you didnt care. you didnt care what i thought and you didnt care i was teasing you. you knew it was all in jest, because you had this way of just understanding people. you knew that i had a tough exterior and i teased but you also knew that no matter what i thought you were so great. and you were really fucking great. everything about you. so sincere and so happy. so confident and so cool. i remember your laugh so well, and i hope i never forget it.
i miss matt every day. not a day goes by that i dont think of him or how much i regret leaving my friends from home behind, how many memories i couldve had if i wasnt wrapped up in boston. how many more moments i couldve had with him before he left. the day i was driving to hampton beach with diana traci anna and liz and i saw a motorcycle accident. i froze up. i couldnt move. then i started to shake and tears rolled down my face. i didnt expect it. i was caught off guard. i cant stop thinking about you, or how unfair everything is and how no one deserves it, but especially you. you were this ray in all of our lives. i remember once we were at the buddah,you had showed michael and i a trick you did with a beer bottle and a penny, shannon and i struggled doing it. youre the only one who got it, maybe the last time i spent with you before august. it was probably in july or june, something like that. i had teased you for liking nickleback which is stupid and snobby and childish but the way you reacted i will always remember so freshly, you didnt care. you didnt care what i thought and you didnt care i was teasing you. you knew it was all in jest, because you had this way of just understanding people. you knew that i had a tough exterior and i teased but you also knew that no matter what i thought you were so great. and you were really fucking great. everything about you. so sincere and so happy. so confident and so cool. i remember your laugh so well, and i hope i never forget it.