(no subject)
She still wasn't sure what had happened. Life had turned, literally, upside down and in the end, she had lived. Kylie hated admitting that only one thing had saved her and yet the truth couldn't be denied. Sitting there in that dark room, everything around her silent, she lightly touched the length of rope about her neck. Maria's hanging rope secure despite all that she'd been through in the Nexus and then in Transgression. It was how she'd known it was safe to be with Jimmy. If he hadn't been safe, the rope would have prevented it somehow.
But now there was only silence. No soft sounds of breathing at her ear, telling her he was there. No muffled footsteps as if cotton padded the floor and yet she, she alone, was granted the right to hear. Now there was nothing. No scent of smoke, no cold touch against her skin. Nothing but her own muted sobs and the words of the song she whispered.
She was alone.
Hands trembling as she undid the rope about her neck, letting the worn and frayed symbol of her ancestor's love fall to the floor. It wasn't needed anymore. Let the beasts come, let the monsters find her. There was nothing left. Just the memories and the past.
Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.
Her mother's words, her Aunt's love, Jimmy's obsession. All of it was gone, dust in her mouth and her heart a cracked and broken thing within her chest. She was as hollow as a china doll and just as fragile. It was over. And she was alone.
Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar
But now there was only silence. No soft sounds of breathing at her ear, telling her he was there. No muffled footsteps as if cotton padded the floor and yet she, she alone, was granted the right to hear. Now there was nothing. No scent of smoke, no cold touch against her skin. Nothing but her own muted sobs and the words of the song she whispered.
She was alone.
Hands trembling as she undid the rope about her neck, letting the worn and frayed symbol of her ancestor's love fall to the floor. It wasn't needed anymore. Let the beasts come, let the monsters find her. There was nothing left. Just the memories and the past.
Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.
Her mother's words, her Aunt's love, Jimmy's obsession. All of it was gone, dust in her mouth and her heart a cracked and broken thing within her chest. She was as hollow as a china doll and just as fragile. It was over. And she was alone.
Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar