she's a flower that you place on my casket...
...that's what she wanted
yesterday was a bad day, but today is a better one, up and busy and about with little shit i meant to do if i ever had the time... sitting, staring out my window with a cigarette between my fingers, i thought of you, and i harbour no bad feelings towards you... there is this calm melalcholy where you used to be, and it's warm rather than cold, and more uncomfortable than hurtful, this time feels very different...
i am escaping from here anyway, but when i get back, i have to look into life and such things... feeling the scabs healing on my face... from inside my nose to my lip, this broke my skin... how i love to pick at painful things that don't hurt me at all...
this is bullshit, but also about as much as i can disclose, more focused on the wound in my nose, and that thing by my toe, and i'm having this twisted fun, locked up in my room, forced to be alone, and by myself, i found out things i could never learn from no one else... there is an odd smell in the air, of death, dipped in something liquid and not being allowed to dry... i think it's the fact that i know that you are gone, and in the same time, you have gotten a lot further than i... and i'm moving, wanting things, and wanting nothing, hating nothing of the present, and how it turned out, it all so seems to typical, like there was no other way for it to have happened, and i never thought this would ever work, but it seems the only thing that works about us, is the lack thereof, of us...
it's been long enough for me to be able to say this. this is why i left: we all know i wasn't happy, but that was never enough reason for me to leave and stay gone before (you should have known there was more) the past few months have taught me this, you need more of those you call your friends and i my enemies, you need them more than me, you need that town, and the freedom to take thigns for granted, you want your fun, and youth, and experience, and at 19, that's the only way you were gonna be happy. not with me. i would not sacrifice my beliefs, but i was willing to give up this ageless love for you to be free. it was the only solution to our problem, and i have to tell you, i am glad you can no longer complain about me... for all the pressure you were under, for all those demands you thought you had to meet, deal me out, i don't want to be part of your misery, and that was the only part left open for me... conclusion: it benefits me in ways i can't see yet, but i did this for you... this is my long hidden truth...
i will make no assumptions on how you spend your time now, but i would hope that it is wisely, all in all i wish you well, there is enough room for just one in my hell... but i do love you, just enough, to let you find your
on your own...
yesterday was a bad day, but today is a better one, up and busy and about with little shit i meant to do if i ever had the time... sitting, staring out my window with a cigarette between my fingers, i thought of you, and i harbour no bad feelings towards you... there is this calm melalcholy where you used to be, and it's warm rather than cold, and more uncomfortable than hurtful, this time feels very different...
i am escaping from here anyway, but when i get back, i have to look into life and such things... feeling the scabs healing on my face... from inside my nose to my lip, this broke my skin... how i love to pick at painful things that don't hurt me at all...
this is bullshit, but also about as much as i can disclose, more focused on the wound in my nose, and that thing by my toe, and i'm having this twisted fun, locked up in my room, forced to be alone, and by myself, i found out things i could never learn from no one else... there is an odd smell in the air, of death, dipped in something liquid and not being allowed to dry... i think it's the fact that i know that you are gone, and in the same time, you have gotten a lot further than i... and i'm moving, wanting things, and wanting nothing, hating nothing of the present, and how it turned out, it all so seems to typical, like there was no other way for it to have happened, and i never thought this would ever work, but it seems the only thing that works about us, is the lack thereof, of us...
it's been long enough for me to be able to say this. this is why i left: we all know i wasn't happy, but that was never enough reason for me to leave and stay gone before (you should have known there was more) the past few months have taught me this, you need more of those you call your friends and i my enemies, you need them more than me, you need that town, and the freedom to take thigns for granted, you want your fun, and youth, and experience, and at 19, that's the only way you were gonna be happy. not with me. i would not sacrifice my beliefs, but i was willing to give up this ageless love for you to be free. it was the only solution to our problem, and i have to tell you, i am glad you can no longer complain about me... for all the pressure you were under, for all those demands you thought you had to meet, deal me out, i don't want to be part of your misery, and that was the only part left open for me... conclusion: it benefits me in ways i can't see yet, but i did this for you... this is my long hidden truth...
i will make no assumptions on how you spend your time now, but i would hope that it is wisely, all in all i wish you well, there is enough room for just one in my hell... but i do love you, just enough, to let you find your
on your own...