it's just so easy.
Hi LiveJournal.
It's been a while.
I had so much to say and now it's all nothing.
This summer has been so immense but it feels like it's all gone by so quickly. I hate it when summer feels like it's dragging on forever. I've met so many new people, come so far in some friendships and I don't think I've lost any along the way. I've spent a ridiculous amount of money and I won't be shocked if my bank balance ends up at zero by the end of the next seven days. I've drunk so much hot chocolate and alcohol and orange juice and smoked about thirty cigarettes a day for the past six weeks, bar the two that I was on the farm. And being on that farm just made me appreciate civilisation even more.
I can't imagine this summer without Birmingham. I don't know what I'd have DONE without pigeon park and coffee lounge every single fucking day. Days with phrases like LET'S HUSTLE BITCH and Aha! That's exactly what someone who likes milk would say!. I'm not sure if I can go back to the mundanity of school everyday where there's no freedom.
I can't think about that now.
This summer..God, I even fell in love! Well. I was in love before that. But I think I only realised that when I told him and he didn't say it back. In fact, he said that he still loves his ex girlfriend. I think I realised when I started bawling like a baby. It's like the line in that something corporate song goes.. "tonight I watched the lights go out in your house, wondering how I could get so deep, and you could still get sleep".
And I do wonder. I wonder how he manages to just not care. At all. Just to be my friend. And I'm not sure if we can even be that. Big love confessionals never seem to go my way.
I don't know. It's like...how can he not love me back? How? God I just.. I feel so much for him. It shouldn't be allowed. To love someone so much and have them not feel the same way.
But I suppose we need to feel unrequited love. To realise how amazing it can be when it is..requited, I suppose. When the person you love fully loves you back. When everything you feel is reciprocated about a million times more and you feel so connected to the world and you want to laugh and cry and hug everyone and you don't care that it's winter because all the seasons feel the same when there's someone there to ride them along with you.
And that's all I want.
It's been a while.
I had so much to say and now it's all nothing.
This summer has been so immense but it feels like it's all gone by so quickly. I hate it when summer feels like it's dragging on forever. I've met so many new people, come so far in some friendships and I don't think I've lost any along the way. I've spent a ridiculous amount of money and I won't be shocked if my bank balance ends up at zero by the end of the next seven days. I've drunk so much hot chocolate and alcohol and orange juice and smoked about thirty cigarettes a day for the past six weeks, bar the two that I was on the farm. And being on that farm just made me appreciate civilisation even more.
I can't imagine this summer without Birmingham. I don't know what I'd have DONE without pigeon park and coffee lounge every single fucking day. Days with phrases like LET'S HUSTLE BITCH and Aha! That's exactly what someone who likes milk would say!. I'm not sure if I can go back to the mundanity of school everyday where there's no freedom.
I can't think about that now.
This summer..God, I even fell in love! Well. I was in love before that. But I think I only realised that when I told him and he didn't say it back. In fact, he said that he still loves his ex girlfriend. I think I realised when I started bawling like a baby. It's like the line in that something corporate song goes.. "tonight I watched the lights go out in your house, wondering how I could get so deep, and you could still get sleep".
And I do wonder. I wonder how he manages to just not care. At all. Just to be my friend. And I'm not sure if we can even be that. Big love confessionals never seem to go my way.
I don't know. It's like...how can he not love me back? How? God I just.. I feel so much for him. It shouldn't be allowed. To love someone so much and have them not feel the same way.
But I suppose we need to feel unrequited love. To realise how amazing it can be when it is..requited, I suppose. When the person you love fully loves you back. When everything you feel is reciprocated about a million times more and you feel so connected to the world and you want to laugh and cry and hug everyone and you don't care that it's winter because all the seasons feel the same when there's someone there to ride them along with you.
And that's all I want.