Fake Nails, Just Like My Smile
I swear, I didn't want to but I was forced. With guilt! Sure, I love her, she IS family, but things like the following make me doubt my loyalty to the blood line. My DGrandma decided to do something "special" for me and so she took me to a nail salon and I (alone) got a pedicure and a manicure. Since I have perfect feet, the pedicure went fine, but since I bite my nails (it's stress) the nail lady had to "grow" fake ones. Now let's see. The following things are now difficult: typing, taking off my pants/putting them on (washroom related), sewing (yeah, I'm also cheap slave labour here), peeling bananas, opening things with zippers, pressing buttons, and basically holding ANYTHING. There are more things I am now too handicapped (ha! get it?) to do but they're to depressing to even type up.
So that was today, and yesterday, when I arrived, all exhausted and gloomy (at the idea of being here), my dgrandma decided to immidiately put me to work. By work I mean trying on the clothes she bought me. Normally, I'd take one for the team and try them all on and agree with my grandma about how great everything looks one me, but people, where to begin???? First, there were more clothes there than I brought on this trip, second, more than 90% have only one place to go to: donation/bon-fire. And Third, where on Earth are high waisted pants in??? WHERE??? MAYBE not low rise, I can understand... But I can't see my bellybutton!!! What is that??? Is it some sort of vengence on me for not calling??? Some way for her to say, "see what happens when you don't tell me what 'kids are wearing these days'"??? I can not believe it.
I can't say NO to my grandparents, but I managed (somehow) to get rid of about half the pile and it's still a full suitcase. I don't understand what I ever did... Anyhow, we also ate. If I am not mistaken, a 4 course meal. I'm not quite sure since I lost conciousness at the second one (no, I kid... But I was about to) but I had to actually yell for her not to feed me any more. She took the news of me not eating sweets much better than I expected, she didn't cry, although I saw my obvious betrayl in her eyes.
So basically, I got there at about 4-something yesterday, then we ate, and at around 7 we finished trying on the high-waisted pants and hand-knitted sweaters and ponchos and various other morbidly ugly clothing. At 7:20 I (thank the stars) went for a nap and sadly woke up. The following morning at 7 ,but I "got up", at 9, we had another humungous breakfest, and my grandma and I just ended up sitting and her talking to me until the nail appointment.
We were sitting (and doing my nails) for 3 and a half hours. I can tell you why it took so long too. In a little town where everyone is related (I mean it, EVERYONE) It's hard not to gossip. Wow, I now know a whole lot of useless, boring information about half the town.
Later, we had a guest, my Dgrandpa's cousin Michael. He actually had a sense of humour, which is a nice change from my now humourless life. Anyway, we had food (again), like 3 courses again. And I got a break when Uncle Michael took me to get flowers for my grandpa's birthday tomorrow. He (me too) was related to the florist, as well as the lady at the store where I used the washroom (his daughter actually).
We bought a really pretty "risque" bouquet. I picked the flowers that I actually liked, which I am sure my grandma would never have chosen, as my silent, but also very beautiful revenge. And she liked it. Victory is never mine.
I went to Uncle Michael's house though after the flower shopping for some (well deserved break) tea, and met Michael's daughter, who'se name is also (quite orginally) Tanya. I actually had a lovely time there. They have a chiuaua (honestly, who CAN spell that) and it was pretty cute.
In the evening, my grandma made me sow on buttons for this shirt I didn't completely hate and these pants that I will never wear, because they came with no buttons when she bought them, I guess (??). While she was finishing off the poncho that looks like road kill and I was sewing on those darned buttons, the TV was on and giving me a headacke from all the obvious trash (in Russian, no less).
I only got a chance to write when I finished absolutely all the chores my grandma instructed me to do. And my fingers now hurt because of the nails which I will attempt to scrape off at the first opprotunity.
Please someone feel sorry for me.
To sum-up: Ugly clothes (Ugly with a capital "U"), too much food that's also not good, FAKE NAILS, slavery, and GUILT. Time to go die
So that was today, and yesterday, when I arrived, all exhausted and gloomy (at the idea of being here), my dgrandma decided to immidiately put me to work. By work I mean trying on the clothes she bought me. Normally, I'd take one for the team and try them all on and agree with my grandma about how great everything looks one me, but people, where to begin???? First, there were more clothes there than I brought on this trip, second, more than 90% have only one place to go to: donation/bon-fire. And Third, where on Earth are high waisted pants in??? WHERE??? MAYBE not low rise, I can understand... But I can't see my bellybutton!!! What is that??? Is it some sort of vengence on me for not calling??? Some way for her to say, "see what happens when you don't tell me what 'kids are wearing these days'"??? I can not believe it.
I can't say NO to my grandparents, but I managed (somehow) to get rid of about half the pile and it's still a full suitcase. I don't understand what I ever did... Anyhow, we also ate. If I am not mistaken, a 4 course meal. I'm not quite sure since I lost conciousness at the second one (no, I kid... But I was about to) but I had to actually yell for her not to feed me any more. She took the news of me not eating sweets much better than I expected, she didn't cry, although I saw my obvious betrayl in her eyes.
So basically, I got there at about 4-something yesterday, then we ate, and at around 7 we finished trying on the high-waisted pants and hand-knitted sweaters and ponchos and various other morbidly ugly clothing. At 7:20 I (thank the stars) went for a nap and sadly woke up. The following morning at 7 ,but I "got up", at 9, we had another humungous breakfest, and my grandma and I just ended up sitting and her talking to me until the nail appointment.
We were sitting (and doing my nails) for 3 and a half hours. I can tell you why it took so long too. In a little town where everyone is related (I mean it, EVERYONE) It's hard not to gossip. Wow, I now know a whole lot of useless, boring information about half the town.
Later, we had a guest, my Dgrandpa's cousin Michael. He actually had a sense of humour, which is a nice change from my now humourless life. Anyway, we had food (again), like 3 courses again. And I got a break when Uncle Michael took me to get flowers for my grandpa's birthday tomorrow. He (me too) was related to the florist, as well as the lady at the store where I used the washroom (his daughter actually).
We bought a really pretty "risque" bouquet. I picked the flowers that I actually liked, which I am sure my grandma would never have chosen, as my silent, but also very beautiful revenge. And she liked it. Victory is never mine.
I went to Uncle Michael's house though after the flower shopping for some (well deserved break) tea, and met Michael's daughter, who'se name is also (quite orginally) Tanya. I actually had a lovely time there. They have a chiuaua (honestly, who CAN spell that) and it was pretty cute.
In the evening, my grandma made me sow on buttons for this shirt I didn't completely hate and these pants that I will never wear, because they came with no buttons when she bought them, I guess (??). While she was finishing off the poncho that looks like road kill and I was sewing on those darned buttons, the TV was on and giving me a headacke from all the obvious trash (in Russian, no less).
I only got a chance to write when I finished absolutely all the chores my grandma instructed me to do. And my fingers now hurt because of the nails which I will attempt to scrape off at the first opprotunity.
Please someone feel sorry for me.
To sum-up: Ugly clothes (Ugly with a capital "U"), too much food that's also not good, FAKE NAILS, slavery, and GUILT. Time to go die