"He's a year above us, and in my Transfiguration class, but that's all you're going to get unless something of importance happens... like him asking me out or something," Tracey lied easily. "But he's very handsome and very sweet and... incredibly like Miles, but he lets me in, and it's so refreshing."
Tracey sat down at Marlow's feet, resting her chin on Marlow's knees. She looked up at her, her eyes shining, though her heart was ripping in half at the thought of what she was about to say next.
"I don't want to hurt this new guy. At all. But Miles came back right when this started, and I always go back to Miles somehow. I just feel like Miles is the one, Marlow. And I am so insanely in love with him even after not seeing him for a year. I wanted him to do me against the wall on this desk but I didn't want to be so easy. I wanted him to apologize for leaving and explain. I want him to tell me he loves me and make it better. I don't know what to do. Who do I choose? The new guy, who is incredibly sweet and sexy... or the guy I know, who I am comfortable with, and in love with, no matter what?"
Yeah, it was a lot of information, but who better to tell than her bestest friend ever in the whole wide world? She needed help. She needed opinions. She needed guidance. She needed to not feel anything. It was all too complicated.
"To be honest, I don't know why you're debating this," she told her rather suddenly.
She knew Tracey. Almost better than she knew anyone else. She understood what her and Miles had been though over the past couple of years. It had always been slightly frustrating, trying to figure out what their issues were - but she knew there was no point. They would only be able to work out their issues on their own.
"You're in love with Miles," she said, subconsciously raking her fingers through Tracey's hair. "And no matter how great this new guy is - you're still going to be thinking of Miles."
"But why?" Tracey asked Marlow, her bubble bursting but her heart piecing together all at once. Why did it always have to be this way?
They could never be together. They would last about seven months, something bad would happen, he would leave. She would cry and meet someone else and happiness would seemingly be in reach, and he would come back. She would break the heart of said new person, they would last about seven months, repeat.
"How can he be the guy I'm supposed to end up with if we can't even stay together, and he can't trust me enough to tell me why he's always leaving me? I can't trust someone completely if I'm afraid they're going to leave me without warning."
Tracey smiled at the thought of Audrik.
"This new guy... he doesn't do that. He lets me in. He tells me how he feels. He doesn't tell anyone else, like Miles, but he tells me. And he warns me if it might be bad. If Miles could do that I could easily be with him for the rest of my life."
She nodded her head. Tracey was intelligent, beautiful and generally a happy-go-lucky sort of girl. She just had this issue with self-esteem. Always had, at least as long as Marlow had been close to her. She looked at her best friend and frowned.
"When was the last time you and Miles just talked? No physicality, no yelling, no magic... just talked?"
She had a feeling that was a real issue between the pair. A giant gap in their communication. Big enough for the Giant Squid to swim in.
"Well... the other night he came here, and I was in my pajamas, and we just were in the bed talking for a while. He never tells me anything really, though. Just that we can't truly be friends. And it's the truth. I want him too bad. And I think he wants me, too."
It was true. Tracey had horrible self-esteem problems. She knew deep down that Miles was crazy in love with her, but she questioned it constantly, because she felt she wasn't good enough to be loved, and because he was really good at leaving her high and dry with no explanation.
"I mean, we fell asleep, and there was nothing sexual, but then we got into a kind of argument the other night, and he helped me carry my books back, and it was really awkward at first... and then he was in here, and I couldn't say no to him kissing me because I wanted him to... but then I had to stop him because I don't want to hurt Au- er, this new guy."
Marlow's eyebrow perked slightly as she thought Tracey was going to give away her new guy's name. But she stopped herself before she could and Marlow couldn't help but be disappointed. She shrugged her shoulders, not really sure what to say.
"I dunno, Trace," she said, frowning. "You know I'm a big fan of you and Miles... when you work, but I don't know what I can say that you don't already know, yourself."
Marlow knew how difficult this was for her best friend. Sometimes Marlow just wanted to hit Miles over the head - with something big and heavy.
"That someone is always you," she replied firmly. "Sure, the other guy gets hurt, but that's a one time deal. This happens to you over and over again."
And that wasn't fair. Not to Tracey. Not after all this time. Miles owed her a bit more than that, really.
She shook her head. He was so terribly frustrating.
She could tell that this might be hard for Tracey. She wrung her hands slightly, looking at her best friend.
"I know it may be hard, but maybe you should just, take a break from both of them," she continued. "Right after finals, take a holiday trip and clear your head."
"Want to go with me?" Tracey asked, thinking that the idea of leaving everything behind for a holiday get-a-way with her best friend would be exactly what she needed.
Tracey sat down at Marlow's feet, resting her chin on Marlow's knees. She looked up at her, her eyes shining, though her heart was ripping in half at the thought of what she was about to say next.
"I don't want to hurt this new guy. At all. But Miles came back right when this started, and I always go back to Miles somehow. I just feel like Miles is the one, Marlow. And I am so insanely in love with him even after not seeing him for a year. I wanted him to do me against the wall on this desk but I didn't want to be so easy. I wanted him to apologize for leaving and explain. I want him to tell me he loves me and make it better. I don't know what to do. Who do I choose? The new guy, who is incredibly sweet and sexy... or the guy I know, who I am comfortable with, and in love with, no matter what?"
Yeah, it was a lot of information, but who better to tell than her bestest friend ever in the whole wide world? She needed help. She needed opinions. She needed guidance. She needed to not feel anything. It was all too complicated.
Marlow could help her put it into perspective.
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She knew Tracey. Almost better than she knew anyone else. She understood what her and Miles had been though over the past couple of years. It had always been slightly frustrating, trying to figure out what their issues were - but she knew there was no point. They would only be able to work out their issues on their own.
"You're in love with Miles," she said, subconsciously raking her fingers through Tracey's hair. "And no matter how great this new guy is - you're still going to be thinking of Miles."
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They could never be together. They would last about seven months, something bad would happen, he would leave. She would cry and meet someone else and happiness would seemingly be in reach, and he would come back. She would break the heart of said new person, they would last about seven months, repeat.
"How can he be the guy I'm supposed to end up with if we can't even stay together, and he can't trust me enough to tell me why he's always leaving me? I can't trust someone completely if I'm afraid they're going to leave me without warning."
Tracey smiled at the thought of Audrik.
"This new guy... he doesn't do that. He lets me in. He tells me how he feels. He doesn't tell anyone else, like Miles, but he tells me. And he warns me if it might be bad. If Miles could do that I could easily be with him for the rest of my life."
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"When was the last time you and Miles just talked? No physicality, no yelling, no magic... just talked?"
She had a feeling that was a real issue between the pair. A giant gap in their communication. Big enough for the Giant Squid to swim in.
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It was true. Tracey had horrible self-esteem problems. She knew deep down that Miles was crazy in love with her, but she questioned it constantly, because she felt she wasn't good enough to be loved, and because he was really good at leaving her high and dry with no explanation.
"I mean, we fell asleep, and there was nothing sexual, but then we got into a kind of argument the other night, and he helped me carry my books back, and it was really awkward at first... and then he was in here, and I couldn't say no to him kissing me because I wanted him to... but then I had to stop him because I don't want to hurt Au- er, this new guy."
Tracey sighed heavily into her friend's knees.
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"I dunno, Trace," she said, frowning. "You know I'm a big fan of you and Miles... when you work, but I don't know what I can say that you don't already know, yourself."
Marlow knew how difficult this was for her best friend. Sometimes Marlow just wanted to hit Miles over the head - with something big and heavy.
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Tracey leaned back against the loft bed's bookshelf, wrapping her arms around her knees as per usual.
"Miles does this on purpose."
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And that wasn't fair. Not to Tracey. Not after all this time. Miles owed her a bit more than that, really.
She shook her head. He was so terribly frustrating.
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Tracey couldn't think about this. She needed to, she had to figure out her next step and what her decision was going to be.
"Technically, I'm not dating either of them, but I'm seeing both. I hate this."
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She could tell that this might be hard for Tracey. She wrung her hands slightly, looking at her best friend.
"I know it may be hard, but maybe you should just, take a break from both of them," she continued. "Right after finals, take a holiday trip and clear your head."
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"We could go somewhere warm."
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"Or the Bahamas?"
"Hawaii?"
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She held Tracey's chin in her hand and leaned toward her best friend. She gave her a sweet smile.
"We're going to Hawaii. We're going to lay in the sun, get incredibly sloshed and go out every single night. And have fun. And no boys. Alright?"
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Who was she kidding? She and Tracey couldn't go anywhere without some attention given to the male species. It was in their blood.
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