Another fucking wonderful year...

[_tornvision]

As if I want to live one more year, My birthday is tomorrow. Fucking yay for me. Just another year for a bunch of bullshit to happen to me. Another year to not be accepted because I am not pretty enough or not of the right religion. Another year not to be accepted because I am not old enough. Another year to start the chance of losing some I love, Another year to lose some more friends. Another year to realize that maybe all I have left is all I will ever have. Another year for me to get teased. Another year to realize that I have a broken home. Another year for me to get made fun of for my size, my hair, my weight, my eyes, my cheeks, my thighs, For not being able to control what fucking genes I got from my parents. Another year to get hurt, to cry some more tears, to want to ran and never look back. Another year to make my own blood apear, another year for me to see that I will never close with my own father. Another year to realize that I will never see Randy again or Barbie, or GG or Evelyn or Grandpa Ron or Grandma. Another year to realize that I am poor and I will never be rich and get the things I at least need. Another year to realize that I will never get to meet half my family and that the other half doesn't even like me. Another year for me to think about what happened in feburary. Another year for me to deal with drama bull shit from the people who call me their friend. Another year for a fucking grown up to never accept me because I am not her religion and I am ugly. Another year for me to not get along with my brother. Another year for me to miss Jestin, one of the only true friends I had left. Another year without going to the same school as Amanda. Another year for me to sit and watch the people I love so dearly be in pain, but not be able to do anything about it. Another year for me to watch my mother have to deal with all of the shit in her life that I can not change. Another year for me to have to deal with my step family. Another year for me to miss my little brother. Another year for me to pray that God will accept me and forgive me. Another year for me to be afraid of what I fear the most, losing the guy I have ever loved the most. Another year for my to get sick. Another year for me to sit and watch my friends have what I wish I had. Another year for me to take in my childhood that my mind has fought so hard against because there are images best left unknown. Another year for me to be afraid of losing THE best friend Amanda.
Another year for me to hate myself.
Another year for me to want to sleep and never wake up.