(no subject)
So, I've come to realize that I panic whenever I feel out of control of any little aspect of my life.
It's quite overwhelming if you think about it.
Once I get to the point where I'm worrying, there's pretty much no way I'm fixing myself.
I'm good with helping other people, but the more I think about myself, the harder it is to actually do myself any good.
I'm not sure how much sense that makes...
I mean, now that I got it out of my head and put it into words, it kinda seems stupid.
Uhm, I wrote Shane a letter.
That kinda helped me sort a lot of my thoughts out.
That doesn't mean it's going to help me.
It just means I kind of know what's going on.
Hmm, who knows, maybe this will just stop.
It hasn't really before, but whatever.
Eh, I really wasn't missing feeling lost and hopeless.
It's repulsive to me that I would let myself get this way again.
I kind of feel like I totally let myself down.
Which, is totally why I never expect anything from myself in the first place.
Expecting something out of myself this time, was the biggest mistake I think I could have made.
What good is going up, when I know I'm going to fall right back down?