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what i've been doing with my time without any furniture, friends or a television: making collages, facebook-ing, reading and most importantly, watching ANTM. if anyone needed ANTM rehab, c'est moi. it really is some of the funniest shit on tv. cycle 5 sucked though, so be warned. the ppl who stuck around the longest were either annoying, stupid, or just flat-out bitches. oh, and PSYCHO! who can forget Granolagate 2005?! hahahah. but Lisa, i love, diapers and all. :D
reading recaps from Television Without Pity = joy of watching ANTM increases exponentially. srsly. you'll see what i mean:
- Nicole says again that she needs some Chapstick and JESUS JUST SPLIT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR CHAPSTICK. And if you're going to make such a big deal about this, at least get a Bonne Bell Lip Smacker. God.
- Coryn finds a dress that she loves and IF ANYONE HAS ANY INSIDER INFORMATION ABOUT WHETHER SHE IS ACTUALLY A MAN YOU MUST EMAIL ME IMMEDIATELY.
- Coryn has to deal with a horse who has to poop, and also who keeps getting distracted while wondering if Coryn is actually a man in a dress...she laughs and doesn't look so manly anymore.
- Coryn reads, "..." I am too distracted trying to determine if she has an Adam's apple to interpret this.
- Nicole then has the second-best quote of the episode: "I'm not into staying up until all hours of the night having lesbian love affairs."
- Bre then turns to her and says plainly, "God gives us our first instincts. Don't go against it." That was perhaps the most diabolical thing anyone has ever done on this show. I LOVE it. (me too!)
- I didn't actually think that Kim was borderline transgendered. And if this is the case, I wonder why she isn't closer with Coryn.
- Sounding somewhat resigned and aware of her patheticism, Naima quietly ends, "This is my life as a Cover Girl." I think they cut it right before she added, "Isn't it boring?"
- Kyle was really and truly sent back to the DQ, because being tall and gorgeous and having a great body and actually looking like a model is a detriment to you on this show. Bitches.
- "Vroom, vroom! Be ready tomorrow at 8:15 AM." Kyle speculates that it has something to do with cars. And we thought she was dumb!
- the farting skit continues as the girls congregate and Ebony and Coryn try to fool Nicole and Kim into thinking that the farts are real. Looking back at the sentence I just typed, I must reflect for a moment on how this job sometimes demeans me.
- the competition has become even fiercer. So fierce, in fact, that it "boggles the brain." Or, in Nicole's case, it boggles the space where the brain would be.
- Bre's food is obviously very important to her, and that when people start messing with other people's food, things are going to get ugly. All of this is proof that we really haven't evolved past the beasts at all.
- Tyra tells Nik, however, that "stoic" means "devoid of emotion." Nik had no idea, and thought it meant "holding bowls of birdseed." I am not kidding.
- Nik holds up a shirt and wonders if it can be worn as a really short dress. Yes, if you're a whore.
- Who will become America's Next Top Model? Let us savor each moment of not knowing, because we will inevitably be disappointed with the result.
and now, the ultimate:
It is a bird, who has apparently has taken residence in the Stiletto Salon. Kyle speculates that he's blind, because he always runs into stuff. Nicole says, "All birds are blind, though." Wow, this is a true meeting of the minds. Kyle quizzically says, "Are you sure?" And Nicole says yes, that's why they run into your car and house. They migrate by sense of smell, apparently. And then Nicole says that they can't see, but that they can sense where they are and how close they are to things by their hearing. (those are bats, you retard.) Kyle says, "I know my bird could see." Nicole authoritatively says that it might just be the birds outside that are blind. Kyle says, "Maybe. I don't know." Okay, that was awesome.
WHAT?! why are ppl like this allowed to qualify?! to everyone who knows that birds are not blind: congratulations, you are more intelligent than America's Next Top Model. of course, that's not saying much.
well anyway, our stuff is finally coming on Thursday and i am HAPPY cos i've been living out of a suitcase for 7 weeks. so not kidding. also i'm going to a Queen's reception downtown on Wednesday night, so that should be fun. yaye, the Days of Boring & Boringer have almost ended! :)