life right now
Thanks to George, I am writing in this again. I don't think I have sat down and just taken time for myself in a while. It's funny how busy you can get with life sometimes, to the point of just forgeting your past and everything that has brought you to this point. The days, months, years seem to be flying by and I don't wan to forget all the good times I've had, but slowly and surely they are starting to fade away like paint from an old barn.
Life could not be better than it is now. I remember when I used to be trapped inside myself, inside a world where I couldn't show any emotion, where I could not tell my parents anything, where I would hide everything inside. I no longer feel this way anymore; I am the same person on the outside, but a fire has been lit inside my soul, and I'm going to try, with God's help, to keep it burning. One thing that really helped me get to this point in my life is something that is taken for granted. This thing called Bobcat Awakening was a retreat that my ex-boyfriend had been trying to get me to go on for a long time until I finally I gave in, and I'm so glad I did. This retreat helped me in so many ways, one way was understanding that I needed to get over the fact that I cannot control my destiny and that I should just give my life to the Lord and let him take over. Now of course, I couldn't do this easily, it took me a while after I realized this, that it was going to take more work than just admitting my problems; I was going to actually have to take the steps to change my ways. I can honestly say that I have not been as worried about my future, dating, school, or just life in general..for a good month and a half or so now. It feels great to just let go.
As far as letting things go, I'm not sure I can with a few things. It's so hard to say one thing and actually do another. How can I turn back the past? You can only live the present and hope for a good future. I know everyone makes mistakes, and we learn from them. Well, I am tired of never learning from my mistakes. I'm at the point where if I do the same thing I keep getting myself into one more time, I am going to hate myself. I don't want a boyfriend just to have somebody, just because I am lonely, just because I miss having someone there. There is no satisfaction in that. I want to find the one and know he is the one, and not have to worry about this ever again. I don't know when or if it will happen, but I am still waiting. It's just soo hard to be patient!! What if I've already met this person, how do you know if they are the one for you?! They say you'll know it when they come, but how DO you know?! It's all very confusing..and a bit..pointless in even worrying about this, but I can't help but wonder. I am still staffing on Bobcat Awakening..maybe this will help me grow even closer and stronger in my relationship with God first before I start to worry about boys again.
Life is floating away like a balloon being released into the sky, past reality, past the clouds, past the dreams that fill your mind with hot air sometimes. I don't want to just watch it float by, I want to LIVE it, every single day, I want to LOVE it in every way, I want to LAUGH about it, because I know there is only so much left, and I want to make the most out of it.
Now I know why I stopped writing in here..it takes up alot of time. But what does it matter, what is time lost when I am doing something I enjoy? I still haven't finished Transformers..guess it will have to wait for another day.
Life could not be better than it is now. I remember when I used to be trapped inside myself, inside a world where I couldn't show any emotion, where I could not tell my parents anything, where I would hide everything inside. I no longer feel this way anymore; I am the same person on the outside, but a fire has been lit inside my soul, and I'm going to try, with God's help, to keep it burning. One thing that really helped me get to this point in my life is something that is taken for granted. This thing called Bobcat Awakening was a retreat that my ex-boyfriend had been trying to get me to go on for a long time until I finally I gave in, and I'm so glad I did. This retreat helped me in so many ways, one way was understanding that I needed to get over the fact that I cannot control my destiny and that I should just give my life to the Lord and let him take over. Now of course, I couldn't do this easily, it took me a while after I realized this, that it was going to take more work than just admitting my problems; I was going to actually have to take the steps to change my ways. I can honestly say that I have not been as worried about my future, dating, school, or just life in general..for a good month and a half or so now. It feels great to just let go.
As far as letting things go, I'm not sure I can with a few things. It's so hard to say one thing and actually do another. How can I turn back the past? You can only live the present and hope for a good future. I know everyone makes mistakes, and we learn from them. Well, I am tired of never learning from my mistakes. I'm at the point where if I do the same thing I keep getting myself into one more time, I am going to hate myself. I don't want a boyfriend just to have somebody, just because I am lonely, just because I miss having someone there. There is no satisfaction in that. I want to find the one and know he is the one, and not have to worry about this ever again. I don't know when or if it will happen, but I am still waiting. It's just soo hard to be patient!! What if I've already met this person, how do you know if they are the one for you?! They say you'll know it when they come, but how DO you know?! It's all very confusing..and a bit..pointless in even worrying about this, but I can't help but wonder. I am still staffing on Bobcat Awakening..maybe this will help me grow even closer and stronger in my relationship with God first before I start to worry about boys again.
Life is floating away like a balloon being released into the sky, past reality, past the clouds, past the dreams that fill your mind with hot air sometimes. I don't want to just watch it float by, I want to LIVE it, every single day, I want to LOVE it in every way, I want to LAUGH about it, because I know there is only so much left, and I want to make the most out of it.
Now I know why I stopped writing in here..it takes up alot of time. But what does it matter, what is time lost when I am doing something I enjoy? I still haven't finished Transformers..guess it will have to wait for another day.