(no subject)

[_tinklareecy_]

Wow... I haven't posted an entry in a really long time... livejournal brings back so many memories. It was always a wonderful place to vent to... and in this case I think I need to vent, since I have felt like I have no one to do so with, except for Lee whome I adore. Anyways, everything has been so... I can't even describe it. People are changing... and I don't think, in my opinion, a good way. You really can't trust anybody. Lesson learned. I've got my family and that's all I need really. I even had a slight wish to finally move to Texas. I want to get away... from school, and... people! Oh my goodness people.. don't get me started. People are so... ahh! You know what I mean... I miss people who I use to be really good friends with, and I don't think I need to name names. I still have a place in my heart for them... and they aren't being filled. I am a persoanble person, and I like having many friends, but lately I feel like I've been shut out from the world. It's kind of nice... but still I feel like I'm drifting in a way. I haven't been truly laughing lately, and I've noticed I haven't been sincere when I smile. This isn't some sob entry so I hope it doesn't seem that way. I find myself disgusted a lot... and school is driving me crazy! Acting has come first on my list, and I have completely forgotten my other classes, which is really bad... because this thing that I spend hours on, may not be the road God wants me to take. I have a D in Apush, English isn't going so good, and no matter how hard I work in acting, I feel like no one notices. I don't know why I slave over it, because I get the same output as everyone else. I need to simplify my life. I deleted my myspace, because honestly, I don't want to be in contact with people by lil "I love you messages." Messages to people that I see everyday!!!!!!!!! I don't need them in my life 24/7. I want to get away... I just want to focus on school (not so much that I burst tho), and relax at home. I don't mind a good phone conversation... but I dont need small talk that will waist my time... like thats what mysace was for me... Small talk that waisted my time. I love working... it is really my escape from the conversations about pot smoking, crunk partying, cussing, and all this crap that i dont want to hear about... that is the typical conversation lately.. and i dont want to be around that negativity. It's negative to me... I have noticed that i enjoy my time with people whome Im not that close to and our small conversations... these lil things make me happy. I talked to doc the other day, and she told me that doing something physical really helps w/ stress, etc. I love to go bike riding, and painting and thinking of the great projects I can do really helps. I know I might not be "in with the times" and all of that bull, but I'm just me. I'm sorry, but I don't want to change myslef into the average teen who smokes and drinks and gets themselves screwed up all of the time. I like who I am, and my morals, and I am comfortable with who I am. You can just accept me, or leave me be. This is where I stand.

Oh and pee ess all of you guys in Romeo and Julliette, actors and technicians:
Good luck, and give us a heckuva show! ;)