(no subject)
College is freaking me out. It's always, ALWAYS on my mind. Everything somehow relates to it. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten the dreaded college question. There have been so many nights that I've come home, gotten in bed, and sat there thinking about how it's going to be to leave everyone and everything and move on. Where am I going to go? Who will I hang out with? How am I possibly going to say goodbye to all the people I love here in Greensboro? Life is so good right now that I can't imagine it changing.
Every where I turn it seems that I’m expected to have it all figured out. I should know where I want to go, know what I want to do. But, as of now, I have no clue. For the longest time, I thought I had it all figured out. I'd go to a private southern school, meet a nice southern guy, get married, and live in Greensboro. Now, I want more. I want to be challenged and I want to grow. I want a diverse campus. I want to expand my horizons and try new things in college, not stay the same and hang out with the same people. The school that I have considered my "dream school" for the past two years, Vanderbilt, has changed for me. After looking into it further, I've learned that it is made up of a bunch of upper to middle class white preppy kids from the South. Basically, a bunch of people just like me. Vandy students are known for being stuck-up and materialistic, two things that I often (unfortunately) notice in myself, and two things I want to move away from.
But at the same time, I love the South; I can't imagine being anywhere else. I love the warmer weather, the rich cultural traditions, good ol' southern hospitality. I can't get enough of it. Frankly, I can't stand Yankees as a whole. The accent, the rudely abrupt attitude, all of it just annoys the hell out of me. I'm a southern girl, maybe not in all my political views and ideas, but in my attitude and mannerisms. I belong in the South. I need some people like me, some of those upper to middle class white kids from the South, but that's not ALL I need. I need to be uncomfortable every now and then. I have to be pushed out of my comfort zone if I ever want to learn and grow as a person. I can't stand senseless prejudices and close minded ideas, but the way I live and the people I surround myself with (even my family) often are prime examples of these things I claim to despise. I want to change that, but still remain the southern girl I am.
Maybe this is too much to ask from one school; maybe I'm looking for a perfection that doesn't exist. But I’m determined to find that balance of being both stretched and comforted. I want the ideal, and I won’t settle.
Every where I turn it seems that I’m expected to have it all figured out. I should know where I want to go, know what I want to do. But, as of now, I have no clue. For the longest time, I thought I had it all figured out. I'd go to a private southern school, meet a nice southern guy, get married, and live in Greensboro. Now, I want more. I want to be challenged and I want to grow. I want a diverse campus. I want to expand my horizons and try new things in college, not stay the same and hang out with the same people. The school that I have considered my "dream school" for the past two years, Vanderbilt, has changed for me. After looking into it further, I've learned that it is made up of a bunch of upper to middle class white preppy kids from the South. Basically, a bunch of people just like me. Vandy students are known for being stuck-up and materialistic, two things that I often (unfortunately) notice in myself, and two things I want to move away from.
But at the same time, I love the South; I can't imagine being anywhere else. I love the warmer weather, the rich cultural traditions, good ol' southern hospitality. I can't get enough of it. Frankly, I can't stand Yankees as a whole. The accent, the rudely abrupt attitude, all of it just annoys the hell out of me. I'm a southern girl, maybe not in all my political views and ideas, but in my attitude and mannerisms. I belong in the South. I need some people like me, some of those upper to middle class white kids from the South, but that's not ALL I need. I need to be uncomfortable every now and then. I have to be pushed out of my comfort zone if I ever want to learn and grow as a person. I can't stand senseless prejudices and close minded ideas, but the way I live and the people I surround myself with (even my family) often are prime examples of these things I claim to despise. I want to change that, but still remain the southern girl I am.
Maybe this is too much to ask from one school; maybe I'm looking for a perfection that doesn't exist. But I’m determined to find that balance of being both stretched and comforted. I want the ideal, and I won’t settle.