"But dude, I was already all set for the tying up and stuff."
"Well you're going to have to miss out on that. We're fine, okay?"
"Well that's no fun."
"I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to do this guns blazing. But it's fine."
I hate to wonder about the obvious, but..
Wanted to do what?
Okay, so what Sam's not telling me is something big. Something that had the two of them upset, and yet still hopeful that they'd get to tie us up because we're...suddenly into that? I don't know. I didn't get any answers, so I don't have a clue as to what's really going on here.
And here I thought I'd be the only one who had their head on straight in this time travel thing.
Maybe I'm in another dimension or something.
"We're okay." I nodded, looking at Arianna and Madsen, and wanting to give her that little 'I told you so'. But, it isn't worth it to do that. I'm glad Sam's here. I don't care what's going on. It doesn't matter that I was right and that we pulled this off. The only thing thats important is that everything is back to being the way it should be. I need to keep telling myself that.
Yeah, we'll see how long I let this one last.
"Do you guys want to stay for a while?"
I don't know why I asked that. Honestly, I think I'd like to be alone with Sam for a little while. At the very least, long enough to make my apology to him. I need to do that before I can start acting like everything is fine again. But theyre here, for some unknown reason, and they haven't seen Sam all week either, so they should be allowed to stay if they want to.
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
The expression on Sam's face is priceless. If I would have known I'd get that reaction out of him by wanting to talk to Madsen, I'd pull the nice act more often.
Actually, I probably wouldn't because it would require talking to Madsen, but the look is almost worth it.
Why did she ask that? They'll do it. They want to look for a chance to use the rope they brought with them. Even though I'm sure Carly could break out of it if it wasn't too heavy, and if I could do it fast enough I could probably burn through without torching myself in the process.
I've never had to actually try that, but still, I'd probably do it if I was pissed enough. I don't really doubt it.
"Sure."
"Yeah, sure."
See?
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
Talk? Talk as in... kill him? Am I going to have to tell her the reason they brought the rope after all? Christ, it's just rope. She doesn't have to hurt him or anything. "You should what?"
"No violence involved."
"... Oh. Alright..." I'm still not sure if I buy it. Carly doesn't just 'talk' to Madsen. Carly yells at Madsen. Then Madsen yells back. Then we have to stop her from killing him once he says the wrong thing, or she lays an insult so bad that he just walks off. This is how it's always worked.
I really want to know what the sudden change is about. My death must really have been something if she's actually going to talk to him. I know how that sounds but... come on. Who could blame me for being a little confused here?
This is weird.
"Arianna, let's go upstairs."
"Sure."
I walked inside and got up the stairs with her, pulling my keys out of my pocket. "Do you think she's really going to talk to him?"
"I think you don't need to worry."
"Did something happen?"
"Not that I know of, but take it from me, she's not going to hurt him. From what I know, the first time around, he was nice to her."
Freakin' Twilight Zone.
"Alright." I unlocked the door and got inside, sighing, and stopping to look over at the window. Maybe I should just...
"Sam! Walk away from the window, damn it. Nothing's going to happen."
Okay, everything's cool. I thought it probably would be, but I was totally looking forward to the tying up thing and being all 'Shut up and think about what you did!' or something like that. No one can tell me that wouldn't have been cool.
I think that's totally what Arianna was looking forward to too. We totally get that more than enough from them, it'd be cool to turn the tables like that. And less like the way when I had to do that talk with Carly the first time around. This way would have totally been more fun. No one would be dead.
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
... Huh?
"You should what?"
My thoughts exactly, Sammy.
"... Oh. Alright..."
Dude, don't leave. I'm pretty sure she's not going to kill me if we came back after her coming back the first time around or... Whatever dude, if I think about it too much, my head's going to hurt. But either way, she never really just talks to me unless it's over something totally serious, and everything's cool now, so there's no serious thing.
I'd be safer with Sammy staying down here. Not by much, but every little bit totally helps.
"Arianna, let's go upstairs."
"Sure."
He's leaving anyway! Sammy, you totally know better! Something bad could happen! I don't know what, but something totally could!
I watched Sammy walk inside with Arianna, which left me totally alone with Carly. I have no idea what this is about, but she's not giving me any pissed off looks... Alright I think it might be cool.
Still. Totally need to proceed with caution. This might be a different coming back... time... thing... Dude.
That's right, I'm behaving myself. You don't have to worry about me killing him at the moment, because I'm being good. And I've had enough death over the past week to last me a life time. I don't want anyone to die. I'm just trying to get myself in a good place to make sure that I don't cause anymore trouble with Sam. If I'm going to do that, I have to be fair about the whole 'Madsen' thing. The thing I should have been over years ago.
I feel cold. Not emotionally or anything like that, just windy. Or maybe its dread and Los Angeles at night, but its something. Is hell freezing over? Could that be what...nah, its not that big a deal. Its just one of those nearly impossible things that changed. Like time travel or...
No more time travel for a really long time.
"Something up?"
"What? No."
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked up to the window, noticing Sam pass by.
Oh ye of little faith. I love you, but give me more credit here. I don't even have a weapon.
Not that I would need one, but...
"It's just..." I stopped, attempting to figure out what to say to him. I'm not sure how much needs to be said. I mean, none of it really has to be said at all, thats why he's so confused. Well, that and years of drug use, but mostly that. So I'm saying this because I should.
No, that's not exactly true either.
Okay. I need to get this straight in my head, or I'm going to piss him off. If I piss him off, then he's going to go off driving somewhere, and I'll have to start the time travel thing all over again. And once more, it'll be my fault that someone died. I don't want that. I think I want...I want to apologize to him.
"Its just that now that everything is okay, I thought I should tell you that...I wanted to say..."
Get it out, damnit.
"If you hadn't agreed with me about bringing Sam back, I don't think it would have happened. No one else really understood what I was getting at until you spoke up. And..."
Oh hell, this sucks. I think I wish I were dead.
"Well, you know. I never thought that you deserved Sam as your friend. All those years, I never really got it."
I still don't, but I can appreciate him a little more now. He did something good for Sam. And he helped me in the process. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, and I didn't have anyone backing me up in Sam's favor. Not to mention how he asked me if I needed to stay at his apartment, when I definitely deserved to be thrown out on my ass.
"He needs you. I'm grateful that you're a part of his life. And I'm sorry. We're probably never going to get along, but I wanted you to know that, okay?"
Whatever it is, as long as it isn't totally insulting for no reason at all, just say it. Dude. Since when does she have a problem saying something to me?
"Its just that now that everything is okay, I thought I should tell you that...I wanted to say..."
"Say what...?"
"If you hadn't agreed with me about bringing Sam back, I don't think it would have happened. No one else really understood what I was getting at until you spoke up. And..."
Oh, she knows I remember all that stuff? I though she didn't know about... Dude I'm thinking about it again. I totally need to stop that. Like now.
"Well, you know. I never thought that you deserved Sam as your friend. All those years, I never really got it."
Okay, yeah, I totally knew that. She made it pretty clear not too far into her and Sammy being friends in high school. And it got even more clear when they started dating. And even more after the first time they got together. It was totally bad.
But we're still friends, so it's cool.
And she's saying she 'gets it'. So I'm guessing this is a good sign.
"He needs you. I'm grateful that you're a part of his life. And I'm sorry. We're probably never going to get along, but I wanted you to know that, okay?"
"Oh." I nodded, a little freaked by all this. I mean, it's weird hearing all that coming out of her. But still, it's sort of cool. "Yeah, okay. Thanks." Dude, so weird.
"And, uh, for the record, I do totally get that he's the better friend. So, I didn't want you to think that... I don't know, I thought I was the cool dude in it that was doing him a favor." Totally not it. "So... Yeah. Okay."
We totally need to stop talking like this. Too weird. "Thanks for saying that." I looked up at the window to see if Sammy was still watching. Looks like Arianna got him away from the window. He's totally going to be paranoid that she killed me or something.
"We should uh... probably get up there. Sammy's going to have a freak out if we don't, he'll think you broke something on me or... y'know, me in general."
Okay, I guess she isn't that bad. She's still totally stuck up, and she's still annoying, but I don't totally hate her. 'Cause I mean, dude, we're a little too old for that shit.
"And, uh, for the record, I do totally get that he's the better friend. So, I didn't want you to think that... I don't know, I thought I was the cool dude in it that was doing him a favor. So... Yeah. Okay."
I nodded, not sure what else to do. I've always seen Sam as the better friend, but now, who knows. Madsen has always been there. He might not have been the best influence on him at times, but even when they were younger...he made him a part of his family. People don't do that unless they really care about the person they're taking in, so I guess I was wrong. Its possibly, and really likely, that Madsen has intended to be a good friend to Sam all along, even though I thought he was just trying to keep him to himself.
I always thought he was wrong about me being bad for Sam, and look at what happened. If you ask me, he wasn't too far off on that one.
"Thanks for saying that."
"Its true."
Its not very easy to say, but it is. I wish that things were different. That we didn't have to do a spell and travel through time to get Sam back, but we did. Because of me. Maybe if I say more of the things I should and keep in the things I shouldn't, we'll be okay this time. We might even end up happier for it, I don't know yet.
This is my second chance, I need to get it right this time.
"We should uh... probably get up there. Sammy's going to have a freak out if we don't, he'll think you broke something on me or... y'know, me in general."
"Yeah, he did seem to think that was going to happen."
One more change I need to add to the list. My boyfriend shouldn't have to worry about his friends' health when he leaves them alone with me. Its unncessary. And its a bad thing, as far as concerns go. I mean, that's not only stressful, it puts him in the mindset that I'm violent and...and that's exactly the way I am. I need to work on that. I can't blame Sam for knowing how screwed up I am and wanting to look out for Madsen because of it. I'm the one who made myself like this, right?
Damnit, I have a lot of faults to fix up if I want a life with Sam that involves him not dying. It'll all be worth it in the end, but I don't think I'm going to change as easily as I'd like to, even if Madsen does seem to accept my apology. Which is surprising because he probably shouldn't have.
I walked back in the same door I'd run out a few minutes ago, with Madsen following two steps behind. When I reached the top of the stairs, I took a deep breath and exhaled, then opened the door and went in.
Seeing Sam sitting on the couch took me a few seconds to get over. His prescence didn't come as any kind of shock to me mentally, but emotionally? I didn't let hope register with me when I was looking for a way to bring him back, or when I was trying to convince everyone to help with the spell. After that I was only interested in getting the spell done. I was afraid to spend too much time hoping that things would work out, just in case they didn't.
I didn't want to expect him to be waiting for me and end up alone again. It was a valid. But now that he's here, I don't think I know what to do.
...
I'll just sit down.
"See? Madsen's still in one piece."
Jokes about killing people aren't very funny anymore.
I took a seat in the nearest chair, sitting back and trying to get comfortable. Shifting in place, I couldn't find a way to sit that I was entirely happy with, so I gave up with a sigh and sat still. I'm tired. I'll end up becoming comfortable strictly because of that, as soon as it kicks in.
I want to know if they still plan on using the rope.
Door's opening and... there's the both of them. Okay, I can admit when I'm wrong. She didn't kill him.
"Hey. Everything alright?"
"Yeah Sammy, everything's cool."
Alright, alright, I'll take their word for it. No one can blame me for thinking something's up, I'm sorry. But I was wrong, and I'm happy for it. Maybe that means they'll get along a little better. It'd be nice.
Carly looks like she doesn't know what to do with herself. I know the feeling. I've been sitting here thinking that it's weird all of this worked out the way it did. Arianna seems to be happy with it, even if she didn't get to tie us down.
"See? Madsen's still in one piece."
I smiled a little as I watched her, and nodded. "Yeah, I can see that." And I'm proud of her for not killing him, whatever that was about. I'll have to ask later. Although I don't know if I'm actually going to get told about it, whatever. It's not life threatening.
Luckily, we're past that now.
She's tired. I think we need to end things for today.
"Look, since everything's alright, you guys can go."
"Are you sure? Maybe we should stay, just in case."
"Everything's fine, Arianna. Come on. Go home. The both of you."
"Alright dude, call me if something ends up being up anyway, okay?"
"Nothing's going to be up."
"Sammy, just promise me, okay?"
"Alright, alright." I sighed and got up, walking them to the door. And then Arianna turns and hugs me. Actually, I think I was waiting for that eventually. But it's still new. "It's okay, Ari." I hugged her back gently.
"Make sure you call. I want you to call me in the morning. Okay?"
"I promise."
I got them both out the door. "Later." I shut the door behind me, and turned back to Carly. "Well, we got out of that without getting tied up." Works for me.
"Look, since everything's alright, you guys can go."
"Are you sure? Maybe we should stay, just in case."
"Everything's fine, Arianna. Come on. Go home. The both of you."
"Alright dude, call me if something ends up being up anyway, okay?"
"Nothing's going to be up."
"Sammy, just promise me, okay?"
"Alright, alright."
They're not taking any chances. Well, I can't blame them for that one. After what we all went through without Sam, it makes sense that they'd want to stick around and make sure that everything is alright. I clearly can't be trusted to handle this on my own; I'm the one who caused it.
I feel bad that Sam is making them leave. I know why they'd want to be with him, at least for a little while, and its not asking very much. I didn't invite them in to stay just so that Sam could tell them to go home after I was scary to Madsen, its okay with me for them to be here. I'm not in the best shape for company, but they're a little different than that.
I wonder if Arianna told him how much she hates me.
I looked over to see Arianna hugging Sam, and I almost smiled. Its rare to see her hugging him without attempting to get in a good hit at the same time. I know the hugging thing will go back to normal by morning, but for now its good. Sam knows he's appreciated. But he probably knew that before too. I just like being around to see it.
"It's okay, Ari."
"Make sure you call. I want you to call me in the morning. Okay?"
"I promise."
"Drive carefully."
I got up, glancing over at Madsen to make sure he knew it was a warning and not an order. I don't have it in me to be bitchy right now, but I'd like him to be at least a little careful about this. He isn't exactly known for being a cautious driver.
"Later."
I leaned against the side of the chair, waiting for them to leave. I hope Madsen takes the driving thing to heart. In a lot of ways it would be just as bad for them to get...
I'm not going to think about it. Life doesn't work like that. Enough time has passed since the accident was supposed to take place for all of us to have missed that crash.
"Well, we got out of that without getting tied up."
"Yeah."
I'd be happier about that if I knew what they were going to tie me up for, but I'm glad that they decided not to restrain us after all. I wouldn't have been able to stay still, and rope burn is a bitch, from what I remember about the last time I was in a similar situation.
"You want to go sleep?"
There's a foreign concept. Sleep. I haven't had any of that in a while. It was too hard being here alone. I tried. I didn't even bother with the bed, but I'd end up drifting off for about an hour when I gave the couch a try. That wasn't too bad.
But I think Sam wants to sleep in his bed. I'm okay with that.
"Okay."
I walked with Sam into the bedroom, turning on the light and going over to the dresser to get out a a sleepshirt before walking into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, changed, and brushed my hair, trying not to focus too much on the mirror. I don't want to know how bad I look right now, thanks.
When I came back out, I smiled at Sam as best I could and sat down on the bed.
I smiled to her and watched her go in the bathroom, then got changed for bed. I'm still debating if she should know anything or not. I think if she doesn't bring it up, I'll just not say anything.
That way it's not my fault she doesn't know, it's hers. Even if she wouldn't look at it that way.
Although if Carly's talking to Madsen and things are actually okay with them for the moment, I'm guessing she's feeling like getting along with everyone. I'm not really surprised. I don't feel like fighting for a long time either.
I looked up when Carly came out, and smiled back at her, watching her sit down. Yeah, now she looks like she wants to talk. Which means I'm not going to be able to drop all this after all. Only, I'm not starting whatever needs to be said here.
That was a statement, not a question. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. He wasn't mad anymore when I went after him. Arianna and Madsen showed up and he was expecting them. He also didn't seem surprised when they were worried. So somehow, Sam found out about what happened. He knows that he died, and that I was responsible for it, and probably a few other things that he doesn't want to tell me about.
"I just spent a week without you after you died because of me. I had to identify your body, and then I buried you. And then..." I looked down, not wanting to see his reaction to that. Sam already knew, that doesn't make it any more alright than it was when he didn't know and was too dead to be informed. I upset him too much and it got him in an accident. This doesn't change that.
"They probably all still hate me, and believe me, I don't take any offense to that."
I took away Arianna's brother, Madsen's best friend, Alex's friend too, all because I was too insecure to move forward without looking back. Yeah. No one should be over this just because I pulled the supernatural move and changed things. We all know what I did anyway. I still did it, whether it stuck or not.
"But now that you're here, I'm really tired of making us spend our life together recovering from my latest disaster."
As long as Sam doesn't dump me for telling him all of this crap, I think I'm okay. I want him to know that I'm going to try to be different. People change. I can do that. If I can go from being a spoiled brat in a mansion to a vampire slayer with an apartment, I think I can handle change. It'll be a fight against my nature, but my nature gets me in trouble, and I'm more aware of that now.
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be better for you."
I'd like to say I'll never do it again or that I learned my lesson, but I think Sam is well aware of that part of it. I know not to cross the line, and keeping on my side of it isn't enough. Just barely not killing him doesn't seem like a fair promise. I can do more than that.
... Okay, I guess I don't have to tell her everything after all. "Yeah, I know what happened." There's no sense in lying to her.
"I just spent a week without you after you died because of me. I had to identify your body, and then I buried you. And then..."
At least I know what a small part of that was like. But it didn't really happen because of her. That's the thing. It happened because I wasn't thinking when I was driving. Sure I wouldn't have been there if we hadn't fought, but I could have stayed.
We both screwed up. I just screwed up enough to get myself killed. And then I screwed up again, and got the both of us killed.
"They probably all still hate me, and believe me, I don't take any offense to that. But now that you're here, I'm really tired of making us spend our life together recovering from my latest disaster."
Our disaster this time, Car.
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be better for you."
Okay, my turn.
I sat down on the bed across from her. "First of all, look at me." This is suddenly really familiar. I mean, she's not having a breakdown, but still.
I sighed and waited until she was looking at me before I started talking again. "They don't hate you. They're pissed at both of us for screwing up. And we both did. Alright? It wasn't just you, it was me too."
Might as well say everything. "And I screwed up twice." I sighed again and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "You've... Done this before. Except the last time, you died instead of me. You got in the car too, and saved me. So what you went through the first time? I know a little bit of."
I wish I didn't. But I think it's only fair on some level. "And believe me, they were pissed at me too. Dan actually came here to beat the living hell out of me over it." That still... Yeah. I don't want to piss off Dan any time soon. The guy can punch better than he lets on.
"So we both messed up. Don't guilt yourself over it. And I don't want you changing yourself for me. I love you exactly how you are. But if you want to work to make things better with us? Fine by me."
Come on, Sam. You don't want to peptalk me out of this any more than I want to be peptalked out of it. You wouldn't mind life being a little easier for you, would you? I'm not handling the guilt very well right now, and I don't want to look. You're handsome, but you're also supposed to be dead and are being overly nice to me about it. So I don't want to.
But I'll do it anyway, because he'll think I'm even more screwed up if I don't.
I looked up, making eye contact with him. "Yeah?"
"They don't hate you. They're pissed at both of us for screwing up. And we both did. Alright? It wasn't just you, it was me too."
I don't see how it was him. I'm the one who started the conversation, and the fight, and who didn't even try to stop him from leaving the first time. I provoked Sam to get him out. And they do hate me. They're just letting it go because I fixed it. If I was here by myself right now without Sam, they wouldn't be pissed at me, they'd be enraged. It was me they were mad at, not Sam, and with good reason.
"And I screwed up twice. You've... Done this before. Except the last time, you died instead of me. You got in the car too, and saved me. So what you went through the first time? I know a little bit of."
Great.
I couldn't even get this right without getting myself killed. How the hell does Sam consider that to be his screw up? The idea was to keep him out of the car, not die jumping into it. I messed that up too.
So that is what Madsen and Arianna brought the rope for. They wanted to tie us both down so that neither of us could get in the car. They came back for me because I got myself killed the first time, and they felt guilty over that so they didn't want to leave me dead. Or maybe Sam wanted to come get me, I don't know. But the rope makes sense. The two of them being afraid to leave fits right in with this now. They know you can't leave me alone with Sam for long periods of time without me screwing something up.
"And believe me, they were pissed at me too. Dan actually came here to beat the living hell out of me over it."
Dan tried to beat Sam up? Dan tried to beat someone up? He was paying attention when I taught him how to do that?
I think I'm really impressed by him. Not because he beat up Sam. I hate that he might have went against him when something went wrong, but I like knowing that he isn't afraid to do that. I always saw him as pretty tough to crack on things like violence. I'm surprised Dan would do that, even in the situation he was in.
"So we both messed up. Don't guilt yourself over it. And I don't want you changing yourself for me. I love you exactly how you are. But if you want to work to make things better with us? Fine by me."
I think he's saying I can do it if I call it something else. I can work with that. The end result is the same. Either way, I want to make sure that I never put Sam in a position where he's that mad at me ever again. I can't go through this twice, I hardly managed the first time. Although technically, this is my third time in the argument scenario?
I'm not going to think about it any more.
"I love you too." But you're not the one who starts all the fights, and I don't think you realize that. "And that is what I want. I want us to not have to worry about killing each other or fighting about stupid things that aren't really problems."
I only want to fight when its important. Or when he nags me for cookies, but since I promised myself that if this worked I would never deprive him of cookies again, I only want to fight when its important.
I bet he'll love the new cookie slave rule.
I leaned forward and kissed him, figuring it was okay to since I still hadn't done that since we'd both timetraveled. I was about to when Madsen and Arianna showed up, and then they were there, and things started making the bad kind of sense, and I should make up for that.
"I love you too. And that is what I want. I want us to not have to worry about killing each other or fighting about stupid things that aren't really problems."
"Works for me."
I just don't want her giving up any of herself in the process, and if I know Carly, she's going to overdo it and that's exactly how it'll go. She'll get too nice. And it'll drive me insane after a while.
The good thing is, I know how to break her out of that. So if it gets too much into over drive, I'll just end up doing that. I don't think it'll take much.
I might even use something different from 'Send in the Clowns' this time.
It's something to think about.
I smiled when she kissed me, and kissed back, then realized something. "We should probably watch that time travel stuff." I said finally. "I mean, it helped this time, but now I'm thinking maybe we'll bring about something we don't want to happen if we keep it up."
There's got to be some catch to it eventually. I'm not looking to try it again anytime soon. I hope Carly isn't.
"We should probably watch that time travel stuff. I mean, it helped this time, but now I'm thinking maybe we'll bring about something we don't want to happen if we keep it up."
I got up, pulling down the covers while I listened to him. Sam doesn't want me to try it again. I think he thinks I'll screw something else up or get myself killed like I did last time. I understand that. I only wanted to try it when Sam died because I was desperate. It was the only way to get him back, so I did it. Carefully. And it was just that once. I'm not going to make a habit of messing up destiny; this was a special case.
"You know what I mean?"
"You mean you don't want me trying it again."
I put my hands on my hips, giving him my best pissed off glare for a few seconds, then couldn't hold it for any longer and laughed. I'm not good at being angry tonight. I can't try. Joking about it barely works for longer than a second.
"I'm done with time travel." I sat back down on my side of the bed, looking directly at Sam so that he could tell that I meant it. "I only did it for you, I don't want to press my luck."
And I don't have any need for it. Why would I want to go forwards or backwards in time when I worked so hard to get where I am right now? It sounds counterproductive and dumb. I'm happy with things the way they are now.
"Besides, you know Arianna and I have to watch stuff like that. If anything happened to us at the wrong time, we could hurt the slayer line without realizing it."
I know he doesn't want to be reminded, but its true. We have the destiny thing to think about. If either of us dies at the wrong time, then someone else would get called, possibly someone who wasn't meant to be. If we died when we were supposed to and came back, and prolonged our lives, I think it would work the same way. Eventually, someone is meant to take over for each of us. If we keep tempting fate, we could damage the system.
"There are a lot of things that could go wrong. We need to quit while we're ahead."
Well, her, or any of us. I think I'll say the same thing to Arianna and Madsen, while I'm at it. Just so no one does something we're all going to regret. I think it's the smart thing to do. Which is why I have a hard time understanding why she looks pissed about that.
"Not just you..."
... Oh. There's the laugh. Did I mention it's annoying when she does that?
"I'm done with time travel. I only did it for you, I don't want to press my luck."
"Same here." I said with a nod, getting under the covers next to her, sighing. "I'm going to tell everyone else the same thing." Because I know by now Madsen's at least thought once about what he could do with something like this. So at the very least, he definitely needs to be told.
"Besides, you know Arianna and I have to watch stuff like that. If anything happened to us at the wrong time, we could hurt the slayer line without realizing it."
I wasn't trying to think about that. Personally, I try not to think about Carly and my sister's calling more than I have to. I know what goes on when they go out and kill things, I get that it's important. That doesn't make it any better to the brother and the boyfriend sitting at home getting nightmares.
I don't get those as much as I used to, but that's because there hasn't been as many scares lately. That doesn't mean it's never going to happen again.
"There are a lot of things that could go wrong. We need to quit while we're ahead."
"Works for me." I muttered, sighing, and reached over, hitting the lights. I just want to sleep. With my girlfriend. Who I never want to lose again.
"Same here. I'm going to tell everyone else the same thing."
"I think that's a good idea."
If Madsen started messing with the spell, we'd all be in trouble. Especially me, because the first thing he'd probably do is erase me from Sam's life whether we're getting along now or not. And Arianna could be just as bad. She'd use the spell for her own personal enjoyment, but still manage to screw something important up along the way. Since those two aren't what I'd call close friends at the moment, its good that Sam is going to be the one doing the talking on this one. Neither one of them would want to get him pissed at them after they just spent a week mourning his death. It could work.
"Works for me."
Yeah, he could have done without me telling him that. I guess I'm lucky that Sam actually accepts what we have to do and doesn't try to get us to stop, but I wish there was a way for it to upset him less. Arianna and I know what we're doing. Not that all the dead slayers before us didn't know what they were doing, but things are different now. The average death rate on slayers is starting to go down. Its a little safer to be one now than it was before, you might get to live to twenty five.
"Sorry, it was on my mind."
I sighed, leaning over to kiss Sam before I laid down on my side of the bed. I'm going to be good, not clingy. I don't have to obsess and cling to him while he's trying to sleep. Sam's here. He's fine. And from my place beside him I can feel every movement he makes on the bed anyway, so proximity is irrelevant. He's not going anywhere, except to sleep, and I happen to be doing that too. So we're good. Everything is fine.
"Goodnight." I turned on my side, then looked back over at him for a moment before adding, "I love you.", and put my head down against the pillow again.
We're good.
Finally.
Unless someone else does something stupid. And then I'll kill them without regret.
"Madsen, hang on a sec--"
"You heard the man, don't move!"
"Are you two still fighting?"
"... No."
"Oh. Well... Crap."
"Yeah. It's fine guys, I promise."
"But dude, I was already all set for the tying up and stuff."
"Well you're going to have to miss out on that. We're fine, okay?"
"Well that's no fun."
"I'm sorry, I know how much you wanted to do this guns blazing. But it's fine."
I hate to wonder about the obvious, but..
Wanted to do what?
Okay, so what Sam's not telling me is something big. Something that had the two of them upset, and yet still hopeful that they'd get to tie us up because we're...suddenly into that? I don't know. I didn't get any answers, so I don't have a clue as to what's really going on here.
And here I thought I'd be the only one who had their head on straight in this time travel thing.
Maybe I'm in another dimension or something.
"We're okay." I nodded, looking at Arianna and Madsen, and wanting to give her that little 'I told you so'. But, it isn't worth it to do that. I'm glad Sam's here. I don't care what's going on. It doesn't matter that I was right and that we pulled this off. The only thing thats important is that everything is back to being the way it should be. I need to keep telling myself that.
Yeah, we'll see how long I let this one last.
"Do you guys want to stay for a while?"
I don't know why I asked that. Honestly, I think I'd like to be alone with Sam for a little while. At the very least, long enough to make my apology to him. I need to do that before I can start acting like everything is fine again. But theyre here, for some unknown reason, and they haven't seen Sam all week either, so they should be allowed to stay if they want to.
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
The expression on Sam's face is priceless. If I would have known I'd get that reaction out of him by wanting to talk to Madsen, I'd pull the nice act more often.
Actually, I probably wouldn't because it would require talking to Madsen, but the look is almost worth it.
I wonder if Sam thinks I want to hurt him.
He looks unsure.
"No violence involved."
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Well, at least she's not pressing it.
"See?"
"Do you guys want to stay for a while?"
Why did she ask that? They'll do it. They want to look for a chance to use the rope they brought with them. Even though I'm sure Carly could break out of it if it wasn't too heavy, and if I could do it fast enough I could probably burn through without torching myself in the process.
I've never had to actually try that, but still, I'd probably do it if I was pissed enough. I don't really doubt it.
"Sure."
"Yeah, sure."
See?
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
Talk? Talk as in... kill him? Am I going to have to tell her the reason they brought the rope after all? Christ, it's just rope. She doesn't have to hurt him or anything. "You should what?"
"No violence involved."
"... Oh. Alright..." I'm still not sure if I buy it. Carly doesn't just 'talk' to Madsen. Carly yells at Madsen. Then Madsen yells back. Then we have to stop her from killing him once he says the wrong thing, or she lays an insult so bad that he just walks off. This is how it's always worked.
I really want to know what the sudden change is about. My death must really have been something if she's actually going to talk to him. I know how that sounds but... come on. Who could blame me for being a little confused here?
This is weird.
"Arianna, let's go upstairs."
"Sure."
I walked inside and got up the stairs with her, pulling my keys out of my pocket. "Do you think she's really going to talk to him?"
"I think you don't need to worry."
"Did something happen?"
"Not that I know of, but take it from me, she's not going to hurt him. From what I know, the first time around, he was nice to her."
Freakin' Twilight Zone.
"Alright." I unlocked the door and got inside, sighing, and stopping to look over at the window. Maybe I should just...
"Sam! Walk away from the window, damn it. Nothing's going to happen."
"Alright, alright!"
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I think that's totally what Arianna was looking forward to too. We totally get that more than enough from them, it'd be cool to turn the tables like that. And less like the way when I had to do that talk with Carly the first time around. This way would have totally been more fun. No one would be dead.
"I think I should probably talk to Madsen for a minute, anyway."
... Huh?
"You should what?"
My thoughts exactly, Sammy.
"... Oh. Alright..."
Dude, don't leave. I'm pretty sure she's not going to kill me if we came back after her coming back the first time around or... Whatever dude, if I think about it too much, my head's going to hurt. But either way, she never really just talks to me unless it's over something totally serious, and everything's cool now, so there's no serious thing.
I'd be safer with Sammy staying down here. Not by much, but every little bit totally helps.
"Arianna, let's go upstairs."
"Sure."
He's leaving anyway! Sammy, you totally know better! Something bad could happen! I don't know what, but something totally could!
I watched Sammy walk inside with Arianna, which left me totally alone with Carly. I have no idea what this is about, but she's not giving me any pissed off looks... Alright I think it might be cool.
Still. Totally need to proceed with caution. This might be a different coming back... time... thing... Dude.
"Something up?"
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"Sure."
That's right, I'm behaving myself. You don't have to worry about me killing him at the moment, because I'm being good. And I've had enough death over the past week to last me a life time. I don't want anyone to die. I'm just trying to get myself in a good place to make sure that I don't cause anymore trouble with Sam. If I'm going to do that, I have to be fair about the whole 'Madsen' thing. The thing I should have been over years ago.
I feel cold. Not emotionally or anything like that, just windy. Or maybe its dread and Los Angeles at night, but its something. Is hell freezing over? Could that be what...nah, its not that big a deal. Its just one of those nearly impossible things that changed. Like time travel or...
No more time travel for a really long time.
"Something up?"
"What? No."
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked up to the window, noticing Sam pass by.
Oh ye of little faith. I love you, but give me more credit here. I don't even have a weapon.
Not that I would need one, but...
"It's just..." I stopped, attempting to figure out what to say to him. I'm not sure how much needs to be said. I mean, none of it really has to be said at all, thats why he's so confused. Well, that and years of drug use, but mostly that. So I'm saying this because I should.
No, that's not exactly true either.
Okay. I need to get this straight in my head, or I'm going to piss him off. If I piss him off, then he's going to go off driving somewhere, and I'll have to start the time travel thing all over again. And once more, it'll be my fault that someone died. I don't want that. I think I want...I want to apologize to him.
"Its just that now that everything is okay, I thought I should tell you that...I wanted to say..."
Get it out, damnit.
"If you hadn't agreed with me about bringing Sam back, I don't think it would have happened. No one else really understood what I was getting at until you spoke up. And..."
Oh hell, this sucks. I think I wish I were dead.
"Well, you know. I never thought that you deserved Sam as your friend. All those years, I never really got it."
I still don't, but I can appreciate him a little more now. He did something good for Sam. And he helped me in the process. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, and I didn't have anyone backing me up in Sam's favor. Not to mention how he asked me if I needed to stay at his apartment, when I definitely deserved to be thrown out on my ass.
"He needs you. I'm grateful that you're a part of his life. And I'm sorry. We're probably never going to get along, but I wanted you to know that, okay?"
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Whatever it is, as long as it isn't totally insulting for no reason at all, just say it. Dude. Since when does she have a problem saying something to me?
"Its just that now that everything is okay, I thought I should tell you that...I wanted to say..."
"Say what...?"
"If you hadn't agreed with me about bringing Sam back, I don't think it would have happened. No one else really understood what I was getting at until you spoke up. And..."
Oh, she knows I remember all that stuff? I though she didn't know about... Dude I'm thinking about it again. I totally need to stop that. Like now.
"Well, you know. I never thought that you deserved Sam as your friend. All those years, I never really got it."
Okay, yeah, I totally knew that. She made it pretty clear not too far into her and Sammy being friends in high school. And it got even more clear when they started dating. And even more after the first time they got together. It was totally bad.
But we're still friends, so it's cool.
And she's saying she 'gets it'. So I'm guessing this is a good sign.
"He needs you. I'm grateful that you're a part of his life. And I'm sorry. We're probably never going to get along, but I wanted you to know that, okay?"
"Oh." I nodded, a little freaked by all this. I mean, it's weird hearing all that coming out of her. But still, it's sort of cool. "Yeah, okay. Thanks." Dude, so weird.
"And, uh, for the record, I do totally get that he's the better friend. So, I didn't want you to think that... I don't know, I thought I was the cool dude in it that was doing him a favor." Totally not it. "So... Yeah. Okay."
We totally need to stop talking like this. Too weird. "Thanks for saying that." I looked up at the window to see if Sammy was still watching. Looks like Arianna got him away from the window. He's totally going to be paranoid that she killed me or something.
"We should uh... probably get up there. Sammy's going to have a freak out if we don't, he'll think you broke something on me or... y'know, me in general."
Okay, I guess she isn't that bad. She's still totally stuck up, and she's still annoying, but I don't totally hate her. 'Cause I mean, dude, we're a little too old for that shit.
So this is cool. I guess.
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I nodded, not sure what else to do. I've always seen Sam as the better friend, but now, who knows. Madsen has always been there. He might not have been the best influence on him at times, but even when they were younger...he made him a part of his family. People don't do that unless they really care about the person they're taking in, so I guess I was wrong. Its possibly, and really likely, that Madsen has intended to be a good friend to Sam all along, even though I thought he was just trying to keep him to himself.
I always thought he was wrong about me being bad for Sam, and look at what happened. If you ask me, he wasn't too far off on that one.
"Thanks for saying that."
"Its true."
Its not very easy to say, but it is. I wish that things were different. That we didn't have to do a spell and travel through time to get Sam back, but we did. Because of me. Maybe if I say more of the things I should and keep in the things I shouldn't, we'll be okay this time. We might even end up happier for it, I don't know yet.
This is my second chance, I need to get it right this time.
"We should uh... probably get up there. Sammy's going to have a freak out if we don't, he'll think you broke something on me or... y'know, me in general."
"Yeah, he did seem to think that was going to happen."
One more change I need to add to the list. My boyfriend shouldn't have to worry about his friends' health when he leaves them alone with me. Its unncessary. And its a bad thing, as far as concerns go. I mean, that's not only stressful, it puts him in the mindset that I'm violent and...and that's exactly the way I am. I need to work on that. I can't blame Sam for knowing how screwed up I am and wanting to look out for Madsen because of it. I'm the one who made myself like this, right?
Damnit, I have a lot of faults to fix up if I want a life with Sam that involves him not dying. It'll all be worth it in the end, but I don't think I'm going to change as easily as I'd like to, even if Madsen does seem to accept my apology. Which is surprising because he probably shouldn't have.
I walked back in the same door I'd run out a few minutes ago, with Madsen following two steps behind. When I reached the top of the stairs, I took a deep breath and exhaled, then opened the door and went in.
Seeing Sam sitting on the couch took me a few seconds to get over. His prescence didn't come as any kind of shock to me mentally, but emotionally? I didn't let hope register with me when I was looking for a way to bring him back, or when I was trying to convince everyone to help with the spell. After that I was only interested in getting the spell done. I was afraid to spend too much time hoping that things would work out, just in case they didn't.
I didn't want to expect him to be waiting for me and end up alone again. It was a valid. But now that he's here, I don't think I know what to do.
...
I'll just sit down.
"See? Madsen's still in one piece."
Jokes about killing people aren't very funny anymore.
I took a seat in the nearest chair, sitting back and trying to get comfortable. Shifting in place, I couldn't find a way to sit that I was entirely happy with, so I gave up with a sigh and sat still. I'm tired. I'll end up becoming comfortable strictly because of that, as soon as it kicks in.
I want to know if they still plan on using the rope.
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"Hey. Everything alright?"
"Yeah Sammy, everything's cool."
Alright, alright, I'll take their word for it. No one can blame me for thinking something's up, I'm sorry. But I was wrong, and I'm happy for it. Maybe that means they'll get along a little better. It'd be nice.
Carly looks like she doesn't know what to do with herself. I know the feeling. I've been sitting here thinking that it's weird all of this worked out the way it did. Arianna seems to be happy with it, even if she didn't get to tie us down.
"See? Madsen's still in one piece."
I smiled a little as I watched her, and nodded. "Yeah, I can see that." And I'm proud of her for not killing him, whatever that was about. I'll have to ask later. Although I don't know if I'm actually going to get told about it, whatever. It's not life threatening.
Luckily, we're past that now.
She's tired. I think we need to end things for today.
"Look, since everything's alright, you guys can go."
"Are you sure? Maybe we should stay, just in case."
"Everything's fine, Arianna. Come on. Go home. The both of you."
"Alright dude, call me if something ends up being up anyway, okay?"
"Nothing's going to be up."
"Sammy, just promise me, okay?"
"Alright, alright." I sighed and got up, walking them to the door. And then Arianna turns and hugs me. Actually, I think I was waiting for that eventually. But it's still new. "It's okay, Ari." I hugged her back gently.
"Make sure you call. I want you to call me in the morning. Okay?"
"I promise."
I got them both out the door. "Later." I shut the door behind me, and turned back to Carly. "Well, we got out of that without getting tied up." Works for me.
"You want to go sleep?"
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"Are you sure? Maybe we should stay, just in case."
"Everything's fine, Arianna. Come on. Go home. The both of you."
"Alright dude, call me if something ends up being up anyway, okay?"
"Nothing's going to be up."
"Sammy, just promise me, okay?"
"Alright, alright."
They're not taking any chances. Well, I can't blame them for that one. After what we all went through without Sam, it makes sense that they'd want to stick around and make sure that everything is alright. I clearly can't be trusted to handle this on my own; I'm the one who caused it.
I feel bad that Sam is making them leave. I know why they'd want to be with him, at least for a little while, and its not asking very much. I didn't invite them in to stay just so that Sam could tell them to go home after I was scary to Madsen, its okay with me for them to be here. I'm not in the best shape for company, but they're a little different than that.
I wonder if Arianna told him how much she hates me.
I looked over to see Arianna hugging Sam, and I almost smiled. Its rare to see her hugging him without attempting to get in a good hit at the same time. I know the hugging thing will go back to normal by morning, but for now its good. Sam knows he's appreciated. But he probably knew that before too. I just like being around to see it.
"It's okay, Ari."
"Make sure you call. I want you to call me in the morning. Okay?"
"I promise."
"Drive carefully."
I got up, glancing over at Madsen to make sure he knew it was a warning and not an order. I don't have it in me to be bitchy right now, but I'd like him to be at least a little careful about this. He isn't exactly known for being a cautious driver.
"Later."
I leaned against the side of the chair, waiting for them to leave. I hope Madsen takes the driving thing to heart. In a lot of ways it would be just as bad for them to get...
I'm not going to think about it. Life doesn't work like that. Enough time has passed since the accident was supposed to take place for all of us to have missed that crash.
"Well, we got out of that without getting tied up."
"Yeah."
I'd be happier about that if I knew what they were going to tie me up for, but I'm glad that they decided not to restrain us after all. I wouldn't have been able to stay still, and rope burn is a bitch, from what I remember about the last time I was in a similar situation.
"You want to go sleep?"
There's a foreign concept. Sleep. I haven't had any of that in a while. It was too hard being here alone. I tried. I didn't even bother with the bed, but I'd end up drifting off for about an hour when I gave the couch a try. That wasn't too bad.
But I think Sam wants to sleep in his bed. I'm okay with that.
"Okay."
I walked with Sam into the bedroom, turning on the light and going over to the dresser to get out a a sleepshirt before walking into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, changed, and brushed my hair, trying not to focus too much on the mirror. I don't want to know how bad I look right now, thanks.
When I came back out, I smiled at Sam as best I could and sat down on the bed.
We really should talk about this.
Damnit.
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I smiled to her and watched her go in the bathroom, then got changed for bed. I'm still debating if she should know anything or not. I think if she doesn't bring it up, I'll just not say anything.
That way it's not my fault she doesn't know, it's hers. Even if she wouldn't look at it that way.
Although if Carly's talking to Madsen and things are actually okay with them for the moment, I'm guessing she's feeling like getting along with everyone. I'm not really surprised. I don't feel like fighting for a long time either.
I looked up when Carly came out, and smiled back at her, watching her sit down. Yeah, now she looks like she wants to talk. Which means I'm not going to be able to drop all this after all. Only, I'm not starting whatever needs to be said here.
So, she goes first.
Personally, I'd rather we just sleep.
"What?"
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"You know what happened."
That was a statement, not a question. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. He wasn't mad anymore when I went after him. Arianna and Madsen showed up and he was expecting them. He also didn't seem surprised when they were worried. So somehow, Sam found out about what happened. He knows that he died, and that I was responsible for it, and probably a few other things that he doesn't want to tell me about.
"I just spent a week without you after you died because of me. I had to identify your body, and then I buried you. And then..." I looked down, not wanting to see his reaction to that. Sam already knew, that doesn't make it any more alright than it was when he didn't know and was too dead to be informed. I upset him too much and it got him in an accident. This doesn't change that.
"They probably all still hate me, and believe me, I don't take any offense to that."
I took away Arianna's brother, Madsen's best friend, Alex's friend too, all because I was too insecure to move forward without looking back. Yeah. No one should be over this just because I pulled the supernatural move and changed things. We all know what I did anyway. I still did it, whether it stuck or not.
"But now that you're here, I'm really tired of making us spend our life together recovering from my latest disaster."
As long as Sam doesn't dump me for telling him all of this crap, I think I'm okay. I want him to know that I'm going to try to be different. People change. I can do that. If I can go from being a spoiled brat in a mansion to a vampire slayer with an apartment, I think I can handle change. It'll be a fight against my nature, but my nature gets me in trouble, and I'm more aware of that now.
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be better for you."
I'd like to say I'll never do it again or that I learned my lesson, but I think Sam is well aware of that part of it. I know not to cross the line, and keeping on my side of it isn't enough. Just barely not killing him doesn't seem like a fair promise. I can do more than that.
I think. I'm going to try. I owe him that.
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... Okay, I guess I don't have to tell her everything after all. "Yeah, I know what happened." There's no sense in lying to her.
"I just spent a week without you after you died because of me. I had to identify your body, and then I buried you. And then..."
At least I know what a small part of that was like. But it didn't really happen because of her. That's the thing. It happened because I wasn't thinking when I was driving. Sure I wouldn't have been there if we hadn't fought, but I could have stayed.
We both screwed up. I just screwed up enough to get myself killed. And then I screwed up again, and got the both of us killed.
"They probably all still hate me, and believe me, I don't take any offense to that. But now that you're here, I'm really tired of making us spend our life together recovering from my latest disaster."
Our disaster this time, Car.
"I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be better for you."
Okay, my turn.
I sat down on the bed across from her. "First of all, look at me." This is suddenly really familiar. I mean, she's not having a breakdown, but still.
I sighed and waited until she was looking at me before I started talking again. "They don't hate you. They're pissed at both of us for screwing up. And we both did. Alright? It wasn't just you, it was me too."
Might as well say everything. "And I screwed up twice." I sighed again and rubbed the bridge of my nose. "You've... Done this before. Except the last time, you died instead of me. You got in the car too, and saved me. So what you went through the first time? I know a little bit of."
I wish I didn't. But I think it's only fair on some level. "And believe me, they were pissed at me too. Dan actually came here to beat the living hell out of me over it." That still... Yeah. I don't want to piss off Dan any time soon. The guy can punch better than he lets on.
"So we both messed up. Don't guilt yourself over it. And I don't want you changing yourself for me. I love you exactly how you are. But if you want to work to make things better with us? Fine by me."
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Come on, Sam. You don't want to peptalk me out of this any more than I want to be peptalked out of it. You wouldn't mind life being a little easier for you, would you? I'm not handling the guilt very well right now, and I don't want to look. You're handsome, but you're also supposed to be dead and are being overly nice to me about it. So I don't want to.
But I'll do it anyway, because he'll think I'm even more screwed up if I don't.
I looked up, making eye contact with him. "Yeah?"
"They don't hate you. They're pissed at both of us for screwing up. And we both did. Alright? It wasn't just you, it was me too."
I don't see how it was him. I'm the one who started the conversation, and the fight, and who didn't even try to stop him from leaving the first time. I provoked Sam to get him out. And they do hate me. They're just letting it go because I fixed it. If I was here by myself right now without Sam, they wouldn't be pissed at me, they'd be enraged. It was me they were mad at, not Sam, and with good reason.
"And I screwed up twice. You've... Done this before. Except the last time, you died instead of me. You got in the car too, and saved me. So what you went through the first time? I know a little bit of."
Great.
I couldn't even get this right without getting myself killed. How the hell does Sam consider that to be his screw up? The idea was to keep him out of the car, not die jumping into it. I messed that up too.
So that is what Madsen and Arianna brought the rope for. They wanted to tie us both down so that neither of us could get in the car. They came back for me because I got myself killed the first time, and they felt guilty over that so they didn't want to leave me dead. Or maybe Sam wanted to come get me, I don't know. But the rope makes sense. The two of them being afraid to leave fits right in with this now. They know you can't leave me alone with Sam for long periods of time without me screwing something up.
"And believe me, they were pissed at me too. Dan actually came here to beat the living hell out of me over it."
Dan tried to beat Sam up? Dan tried to beat someone up? He was paying attention when I taught him how to do that?
I think I'm really impressed by him. Not because he beat up Sam. I hate that he might have went against him when something went wrong, but I like knowing that he isn't afraid to do that. I always saw him as pretty tough to crack on things like violence. I'm surprised Dan would do that, even in the situation he was in.
"So we both messed up. Don't guilt yourself over it. And I don't want you changing yourself for me. I love you exactly how you are. But if you want to work to make things better with us? Fine by me."
I think he's saying I can do it if I call it something else. I can work with that. The end result is the same. Either way, I want to make sure that I never put Sam in a position where he's that mad at me ever again. I can't go through this twice, I hardly managed the first time. Although technically, this is my third time in the argument scenario?
I'm not going to think about it any more.
"I love you too." But you're not the one who starts all the fights, and I don't think you realize that. "And that is what I want. I want us to not have to worry about killing each other or fighting about stupid things that aren't really problems."
I only want to fight when its important. Or when he nags me for cookies, but since I promised myself that if this worked I would never deprive him of cookies again, I only want to fight when its important.
I bet he'll love the new cookie slave rule.
I leaned forward and kissed him, figuring it was okay to since I still hadn't done that since we'd both timetraveled. I was about to when Madsen and Arianna showed up, and then they were there, and things started making the bad kind of sense, and I should make up for that.
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"Works for me."
I just don't want her giving up any of herself in the process, and if I know Carly, she's going to overdo it and that's exactly how it'll go. She'll get too nice. And it'll drive me insane after a while.
The good thing is, I know how to break her out of that. So if it gets too much into over drive, I'll just end up doing that. I don't think it'll take much.
I might even use something different from 'Send in the Clowns' this time.
It's something to think about.
I smiled when she kissed me, and kissed back, then realized something. "We should probably watch that time travel stuff." I said finally. "I mean, it helped this time, but now I'm thinking maybe we'll bring about something we don't want to happen if we keep it up."
There's got to be some catch to it eventually. I'm not looking to try it again anytime soon. I hope Carly isn't.
"You know what I mean?"
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I got up, pulling down the covers while I listened to him. Sam doesn't want me to try it again. I think he thinks I'll screw something else up or get myself killed like I did last time. I understand that. I only wanted to try it when Sam died because I was desperate. It was the only way to get him back, so I did it. Carefully. And it was just that once. I'm not going to make a habit of messing up destiny; this was a special case.
"You know what I mean?"
"You mean you don't want me trying it again."
I put my hands on my hips, giving him my best pissed off glare for a few seconds, then couldn't hold it for any longer and laughed. I'm not good at being angry tonight. I can't try. Joking about it barely works for longer than a second.
"I'm done with time travel." I sat back down on my side of the bed, looking directly at Sam so that he could tell that I meant it. "I only did it for you, I don't want to press my luck."
And I don't have any need for it. Why would I want to go forwards or backwards in time when I worked so hard to get where I am right now? It sounds counterproductive and dumb. I'm happy with things the way they are now.
"Besides, you know Arianna and I have to watch stuff like that. If anything happened to us at the wrong time, we could hurt the slayer line without realizing it."
I know he doesn't want to be reminded, but its true. We have the destiny thing to think about. If either of us dies at the wrong time, then someone else would get called, possibly someone who wasn't meant to be. If we died when we were supposed to and came back, and prolonged our lives, I think it would work the same way. Eventually, someone is meant to take over for each of us. If we keep tempting fate, we could damage the system.
"There are a lot of things that could go wrong. We need to quit while we're ahead."
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Well, her, or any of us. I think I'll say the same thing to Arianna and Madsen, while I'm at it. Just so no one does something we're all going to regret. I think it's the smart thing to do. Which is why I have a hard time understanding why she looks pissed about that.
"Not just you..."
... Oh. There's the laugh. Did I mention it's annoying when she does that?
"I'm done with time travel. I only did it for you, I don't want to press my luck."
"Same here." I said with a nod, getting under the covers next to her, sighing. "I'm going to tell everyone else the same thing." Because I know by now Madsen's at least thought once about what he could do with something like this. So at the very least, he definitely needs to be told.
"Besides, you know Arianna and I have to watch stuff like that. If anything happened to us at the wrong time, we could hurt the slayer line without realizing it."
I wasn't trying to think about that. Personally, I try not to think about Carly and my sister's calling more than I have to. I know what goes on when they go out and kill things, I get that it's important. That doesn't make it any better to the brother and the boyfriend sitting at home getting nightmares.
I don't get those as much as I used to, but that's because there hasn't been as many scares lately. That doesn't mean it's never going to happen again.
"There are a lot of things that could go wrong. We need to quit while we're ahead."
"Works for me." I muttered, sighing, and reached over, hitting the lights. I just want to sleep. With my girlfriend. Who I never want to lose again.
And I want to forget all this other crap.
Nothing else.
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"I think that's a good idea."
If Madsen started messing with the spell, we'd all be in trouble. Especially me, because the first thing he'd probably do is erase me from Sam's life whether we're getting along now or not. And Arianna could be just as bad. She'd use the spell for her own personal enjoyment, but still manage to screw something important up along the way. Since those two aren't what I'd call close friends at the moment, its good that Sam is going to be the one doing the talking on this one. Neither one of them would want to get him pissed at them after they just spent a week mourning his death. It could work.
"Works for me."
Yeah, he could have done without me telling him that. I guess I'm lucky that Sam actually accepts what we have to do and doesn't try to get us to stop, but I wish there was a way for it to upset him less. Arianna and I know what we're doing. Not that all the dead slayers before us didn't know what they were doing, but things are different now. The average death rate on slayers is starting to go down. Its a little safer to be one now than it was before, you might get to live to twenty five.
"Sorry, it was on my mind."
I sighed, leaning over to kiss Sam before I laid down on my side of the bed. I'm going to be good, not clingy. I don't have to obsess and cling to him while he's trying to sleep. Sam's here. He's fine. And from my place beside him I can feel every movement he makes on the bed anyway, so proximity is irrelevant. He's not going anywhere, except to sleep, and I happen to be doing that too. So we're good. Everything is fine.
"Goodnight." I turned on my side, then looked back over at him for a moment before adding, "I love you.", and put my head down against the pillow again.
We're good.
Finally.
Unless someone else does something stupid. And then I'll kill them without regret.
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